How to Stop Playing Board Games Like There’s a Gun Pointing at Your Head

Emotional vs. unemotional family entertainment

As a kid, growing up with sisters, board games were emotional. We yelled, cried, yelled again, hurt each other’s feelings, cheated, stole, lied, murdered. It was intense.

The only unemotional game playing I did as a kid was with my cousin, Gunnar. We played hours of poker in our grandparents' bunkhouse. No feelings were involved. We were competitive, hilarious, and we didn’t stop until grandma sent someone up to tell us it was dinnertime.

We never got tired because there were no feelings involved. We were playing a game and all that mattered was we were getting out of chores and laughing our asses off.

Feelings are great at weddings, breakups, Beyoncé concerts, but not with board games. I had to relearn how to play games with my husband and son. I had to figure out how to be patient, calm, and curb my desire to murder my opponent.

My husband doesn’t love playing games with me and my kin for the same reason a lot of Romans found the Colesium a distasteful way to spend the afternoon.

You think this is Monopoly, bitch?! Aw hell naw. This is personal!

I loved playing with my sisters, but it wasn’t relaxing for everyone involved. I thrived on the intensity, but it wasn’t delightful for people who didn’t enjoy simulating heart attacks.

My husband and son love games, but like noncrazy people. My son’s a gamer. My husband is great at math, tech, and strategies. It’s been a tough road meeting them where they are.

Learning how to keep my emotions at bay has required some strategies of my own. I wrote them down if you’re an emotional basket case too — at least when it comes to Monopoly.

These are those strategies:

1. Putting over-the-head earphones on to calm me down- Because of my history with games, as soon as someone puts a board game on the table, intensity infects my bloodstream. Every sound and action magnifies. I’m ready for war. Putting on headphones dims that impulse. It stifles the sound and the emotional overtones. I can peacefully listen to blood between my ears. My husband and son say I look crazy but I say “would you rather I look crazy or act crazy?”
2. Taking 2 Calm CBD jellies-I am not a chill person, but my husband and son are chill people. They’re patient when they play. Their bodies are calm. They can stop and ponder about a move they’re going to make like we’ve got time for that. Their faces are nonreactive. I feel like I have a gun to my head until I take my CBD gummies. They’re the hemp kind, not the pot kind, but they work for me. I don’t know if it’s placebo or medicine, but it’s way more enjoyable to play when I’m not yelling fire! fire! and running into the street.
3. Reminding myself constantly I’m playing a game. I didn’t use to know how to control my thoughts. I’m not a professional brain hacker now, but I do understand that if I tell my brain it’s a game, not a war, I have more fun.
4. Ignoring my phone-Like many people, I use my phone as a form of pro-active mindlessness. When I want to avoid the present, I look at my phone like if I stop looking at it, Earth will crash into a meteor. When my husband, son, and I are teaching ourselves a new game, I get nervous because they’re better at games than I am. My impulse is to check my phone constantly to save planet Earth and hide my nerves. If I stop checking my phone and remain present, I learn how to play sooner and will be less frustrated about how much better they are than I am.
5. Enjoy my limitations-There are some activities I am excellent at. Gaming is not one of them. I’m not the worst, but when I am playing with experts like my husband and son, I’m a beginner. When I let go of my ego and enjoy some humility, I end up laughing my ass off and having fun with my limitations. My limitations can be infuriating or funny. I pick funny, even if it means I’m spitting out coffee the entire game.
6. Game playing keeps my brain fine-tuned-When I am learning something new, I am carving out new neuropathways to my brain and stimulating brain plasticity. Brains can get healthier over time if we use them. When I stop resisting learning something new, my brain thanks me.
7. Accepting other people’s virtues- It used to annoy me how thorough my husband was at reading instructions. I was from hurryupland and he drove me nuts. Not getting angry at my husband for reading the instructions, front to back, made the game more fun. He’s not trying to stall. He’s trying to learn how to play it. My sisters and I made up rules instead of learning to play correctly. As adults, our partners were always saying, “I’ve never heard of that rule.” We’d call out “Family rule!”

If I’d never played games with my cousin, Gunar, there would be no seed planted in my brain that games didn’t have to be so emotional. If you follow these seven rules, perhaps you will realize it’s only a game too. If you don’t want to read the above instructions, make up your own rules. But, don’t get mad if no one’s ever heard of them.