How to Stop Narcissists Dead in Their Tracks

Highly effective countermeasures for people who have to deal with narcissists.

There was a brief period in my life during which I believe I first experienced firsthand what a tough balancing act it was to deal with the species. That was the time when I found myself reporting to a highly ambitious and self-absorbed boss.

We will just call her, Susan, and I can tell you at that time I don’t think I really even knew what a “narcissist” was. I am a pretty accommodating guy, but many of her tendencies like, a constant need for praise and a dismissive attitude towards subordinates’ contributions created an extremely testing environment even for me.

It was at this time that I began to explore and implement various strategies just to make it through the day without blowing a fuse. Now, I consciously use these strategies in personal settings also because somehow after Susan I began to notice other narcissists that had previously flown under my radar.

I will let you in on the strategies I have found invaluable in managing and mitigating the impact of Susan and her ilk in case there are a few tactics you are missing.

“…somehow after Susan I began to notice other narcissists that had previously flown under my radar.”

Why do you need a very deliberate approach?

Self-preservation alone is enough reason. I find dealing with narcissists most times disruptive and emotionally draining so, to protect and enhance your well-being and peace of mind you need to be taking protective measures.

Again, sometimes they can't be avoided. In cases of familial or professional ties, it might be necessary to maintain a relationship and so, having strategies in place can help minimize conflict and maintain some level of harmony.

“It was at this time that I began to explore and implement various strategies just to make it through the day without blowing a fuse.”

My strategies:

1. Top of the list is naturally, establishing and maintaining clear boundaries when dealing with narcissists. For instance, suppose you have a coworker who constantly takes credit for your ideas during team meetings. To address this, you might assert your boundaries politely but firmly communicate that you value collaboration but expect recognition for your contributions. Like I said to the boss lady: "I appreciate your position, but it’s important that all team members' input are acknowledged during meetings."

2. It then follows that you have to be assertive but composed when communicating. This helps avoid escalating conflicts. So with a family member who constantly criticizes your choices, rather than reacting emotionally, you might calmly respond: "I get it that you have different opinions, but I am comfortable with my decisions and I’d prefer not to discuss this further."

3. You might also want to avoid engaging in power struggles. They thrive on power struggles and manipulation and refusing to play along can be a powerful defense mechanism. If you have a friend who always tries to control your plans, instead of arguing or giving in to their demands, you can maintain your independence by simply saying: "I get where you’re coming from, but I gotta do what works best for me .”

Alternatively, you can shift the focus away from the power struggle by proposing alternatives just to diffuse tension and prevent further conflict.

4. Making the effort to understand the roots of your narcissist’s behavior also helps in formulating the most effective strategies to interact with them. This can also mean every time you interact with a narcissist is a chance to be a better human being because as you recognize why they behave the way they do, you can also choose to blend empathy into your approach.

5. In addition to all of the above, integrating self-care practices into your approach is extremely beneficial. You need to ensure you have time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation; you can distance yourself, even if temporarily, to regain perspective and recharge.

6. You can also consider seeking professional guidance to some effective tools and support for coping with the complexities of relationships with narcissists. Aside from a safe space to explore your feelings, a good therapist can help you develop healthier coping mechanisms and techniques tailored to your specific situation.

“This can also mean every time you interact with a narcissist is a chance to be a better human being because as you recognize why they behave the way they do, you can also choose to blend empathy into you approach.”

Have you ever lived or worked with a narcissist? If so, you probably can attest that it was a bit of a challenge due to their many behaviors: an inflated sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration, and a disturbing lack of empathy for others, etc. To cope you must have used some of these strategies too unless you came up with some unique ones of your own.

Being strategic allows for the protection of your well-being while dealing with the complex individuals that narcissists are. And while these strategies may not entirely change their behavior towards you, they will help maintain your mental health and reduce the impact of their actions on your life.