How To Stop Giving a Fuck (and Stop Seeking Approval): in 4 Simple Steps

A step-by-step guide on how to not give a fuck.

Okay, so here is my confession:

I have spent almost my entire life-20 years-seeking other’s approval, worrying if I’m cool enough for them, caring too much not to offend people, doubting myself, questioning my appearance, asking myself if I am being judged.

I have been giving too many fucks for the things that didn’t matter at all and it’s so fucked up to live like that.

It has made me someone who self-doubts herself before doing anything. What are they gonna think about me? What if they got offended? What if it’ll not work out? What if? What if?…. It’s crazy, right?

A few days ago I stumble upon these words of author Mark Manson:

“You’re going to die one day. And in a short amount of time between here and there, you have a limited amount of time of fucks. Very few, in fact. And if you go around giving a fuck about everything with everyone without conscious thought or choice — well, then you’re going to get fucked.”

Mark's words cut deep inside my heart, it made me realize that I only have one life to live and here I am sitting wasting my time by giving way too many fucks to make myself as miserable as possible. I wanted to stop torturing myself.

So, I set out to find the answer myself about how to stop giving so many fucks, and what I found is that it is all about changing your mindset, which is much easier said than done.

#1 Understand Why It Doesn’t Matter

“What’s more important-your goal, or other’s opinion of your goal? “ — Peter McWilliams

The first step is to understand why it’s useless to give fucks to unnecessary things like worry about the opinions of other people.

You aren’t the only person who’s worried about what other people think. There too many out there. Too many.

In fact, it’s the fact that: people are too busy thinking about what others think of them, to think about you. Think about it: Do you think about others? If they’re cool enough if their hair looks pretty or not?

No, you don’t. Okay, maybe sometimes but not all times. Why? because you are too busy doubting yourself.

“Other people’s opinion of you are none of your business” — Robin Sharma

Here’s are the wise words from Spiritual Master Osho for you:

“Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever people say is about themselves. But you become very shaky because you are still clinging to a false center. That false center depends on others, so you are always looking at what people are saying about you….”

See problem solved.

No one is actually thinking about you because they are too engrossed in being self-conscious. It’s only your mind telling you that other people are judging your every move.

It’s so stupid to seek other’s approval when they don’t even have their own approval of themselves.

So next time you find yourself worrying about what others are thinking of you, realize that they’re probably too busy worrying about what other people are thinking about them to even notice you.

If you depend on getting approval to feel good about yourself, then you’ll always be chasing it. You’ll never feel happy or ‘complete’ without it.

This leads me to point #2…

#2 Stop Desiring Positive Experience

The problem with our society today is that we desire positive experiences. We desire what others have and we don’t.

We look at other people’s social profile which says “Hey look my life is cooler than yours”, we look at how teenagers are gaining so much popularity through TikTok, some 16-year-old got a Ferrari for her birthday.

We are anxious if we don’t have access to those positive experiences. That anxiety cripples us and we wonder why we’re so anxious and now, we’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Double anxious!

We start to desire more positive experiences in our lives, constantly reminding ourselves that we are happy, we are beautiful, we have everything we want. The more we think about positivity, the more what we get is negativity.

“The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” — Mark Manson

Stop desiring positive experiences, for yourself. It will only drag you down in the hole of negativity and left you with nothing.

#3 Develop Strong Good Habits

“Depending on what they are, our habits will either make us or break us. We become what we repeatedly do.” ―Sean Covey

The easiest way to stop caring what others think is to start living a life which YOU can be proud of… regardless of what everyone else thinks. You will not seek the approval of others when you’re happy with how you are.

And all this starts with strong daily habits.

Hey, I am not talking about bathing daily, eating home-food, and making your bed. No, I am talking about habits that make you feel good, allow you to live up to your own expectations.

For me, this involves doing things like working out, dancing, reading novels, writing, and listening to songs. I do these things because they make me feel alive, they make me happy. I do them because I want to not because I have to.

This way, it doesn’t matter if anyone doesn’t approve of my choice. Or a particular person thinks I am cool enough. Or my writing posts are getting hundreds of views or not…

No, I don’t give a single FUCK about these things!

No matter what others think of me or say about me, I don’t give a single fuck. Because I know I love what I do. I live the life which I am proud of…And that feeling of self-satisfaction is something that no one can take away from me.

“Habits change into character.” -Ovid

You see, we desire other people's approval when we doubt ourselves — when we’re unhappy with ourselves. By building the right habits for ourselves, we would not only build the life we would be proud of but we would boost our self-satisfaction, while gently ‘pushing aside’ the opinions of other people.

#4 Catch Yourself Giving Fucks

Ahh…finally! Here we come to the final step to truly stop giving a fuck what others think. In this, you’ll be able to overcome the never-ending loop of the need for validation and approval.

Even after you stop desiring positive experiences, and structure your life around good habits, you are still liable to give a fuck what other people think.

The thing you need to do here is to catch yourself in the act of giving fucks.

It doesn’t matter:

• if you’re in a lecture, and you catch yourself not being able to speak because of what other students will think of you.
• Or if you are among new peoples, and you catch yourself worrying about whether they think you’re cool enough or not.

The most important thing is to catch yourself whenever you’re giving unnecessary fucks. Don’t lie to yourself. Be super honest. You’re doing this for yourself, not anyone else. Don’t worry if you find yourself giving too many fucks, it would really take time to finally let this habit go.

Once you catch yourself, seeking other's approval — just let it go by reminding yourself it doesn’t matter what they think. It freaking doesn’t matter. You are the only one that matters.

At first, this whole process will be challenging, but the more you catch yourself giving fucks, the easier it will be to let it go. With this technique, you’ll able to slowly retrain your brain to stop giving a fuck.

As Buddha said, “Drop by drop is the water pot filled.”

And then you will be living a life… of giving ZERO fucks!

There you have it!

If you follow these 4 steps, you’ll soon be free from giving a fuck what other people think…and enjoy the FREEDOM that comes with not giving a fuck (and looking only to yourself for approval)!

Lastly, I would like to end with Mark Manson’s few words:

“In my life, I have given a fuck about many people and many things. I have also not given a fuck about many people and many things. And like the road not taken, it was the fucks not given that made all the difference”