How To Stop Feeling Bad About Feeling Bad

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Abstract

the emotion to objectify it, and be curious about what is causing it. This exercise causes a shift from emotional to logical, from self-loathing to self-understanding, from passive reaction, to acceptance and thoughtful action.If we see emotions as a path to mental clarity, they can act as tremendous aids in our decision-making. We can more efficiently co-create a life that supports our well-being.During quarantine, there have been days where I’ve felt more irritable than normal at people around me, and then I’d be irritated at myself for feeling so. During one experience, I stopped and named the feeling “frustration.” Then I asked myself why I was frustrated. I realized I was actually exhausted because I didn’t sleep well the past few nights. I needed to take the time to catch up on sleep, instead of trying to fix my or others’ personalities, or problem-solve when I didn’t have the energy to. This continuous exercise replaced guilt and shaming with empathy, for better health from the inside out.It helps to get to know emotions — to take the time to sit within them. By doing so, we can feel peace within any emotion.I used to think I was the emotionally healthy one in a relationship because I wasn’t avoidant of discussing difficult emotions. Much later, I realized I was also avoidant, but in a different way — I wanted to address and resolve conflict quickly because I didn’t want to sit with uncomfortable feelings for too long. It also felt like a failure in my abilities if I couldn’t solve the conflict readily.</p

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If we feel down, we need to take time to feel down instead of hurrying the sadness along or trying to solve it. With time, the emotion passes or lessens, or we start to understand intuitively what we need to do, change, or communicate to feel at peace.Oftentimes, sitting with emotions, means to sit with them alone. It may seem counterintuitive, when all we want is for someone to save us with a hug, a conversation, or an otherwise intimate exchange. This connectivity can help — however, sometimes we need to let go of the guilt or judgment we feel for not being ‘happy’ in another’s presence.It does help to have a support system that doesn’t make us feel bad about feeling bad. But as this is conditioned within us societally, it is likely that we and our friend and family members are unaware of this conditioning, or they themselves are working on undoing it. The judgement and pressure can often come up unintentionally or indirectly. For instance, it can come up as myself trying to cheer up a friend quickly, and them accepting the offer— yet, together we mistakenly suppress the emotions that needed to be freely expressed. This is where a counselor or therapist also helps.Through all of these individual exercises I started to notice that life is not a reflection of my good or bad mood, it simply is, and I’ve started to let it be whatever it is.Sharing more of what I find and feel along the way @ <a href="http://instagram.com/_uhnu_">instagram.com/_uhnu_</a></article></body>

How To Stop Feeling Bad About Feeling Bad

We need to feel what we need to feel.

We’re conditioned to feel bad about feeling bad, so we have to intentionally undo this conditioning.

I started by seeing the need for ‘negative’ emotions. They show us who or what we want more or less of, in our every day.

They showed me that I needed to leave a career path that seemed right enough to my mind, but didn’t feel right for a long time. Or to stop ignoring the part of an otherwise special relationship that felt especially painful. If we see emotions as a path to mental clarity, they can act as tremendous aids in our decision-making. We can more efficiently co-create a life that supports our well-being.

By seeing the need, I started to accept. If we think happiness is superior, we resist sadness and anger. It’s the resistance and need for control that drains us and feeds these trying emotions. Fighting our feelings, shifts them from unpleasant to intolerable quickly. And leads us to be reactionary towards ourselves and others, versus thoughtful and compassionate in our responses.

As we start to feel ourselves resisting a feeling, we can name the emotion to objectify it, and be curious about what is causing it. This exercise causes a shift from emotional to logical, from self-loathing to self-understanding, from passive reaction, to acceptance and thoughtful action.

If we see emotions as a path to mental clarity, they can act as tremendous aids in our decision-making. We can more efficiently co-create a life that supports our well-being.

During quarantine, there have been days where I’ve felt more irritable than normal at people around me, and then I’d be irritated at myself for feeling so. During one experience, I stopped and named the feeling “frustration.” Then I asked myself why I was frustrated. I realized I was actually exhausted because I didn’t sleep well the past few nights. I needed to take the time to catch up on sleep, instead of trying to fix my or others’ personalities, or problem-solve when I didn’t have the energy to. This continuous exercise replaced guilt and shaming with empathy, for better health from the inside out.

It helps to get to know emotions — to take the time to sit within them. By doing so, we can feel peace within any emotion.

I used to think I was the emotionally healthy one in a relationship because I wasn’t avoidant of discussing difficult emotions. Much later, I realized I was also avoidant, but in a different way — I wanted to address and resolve conflict quickly because I didn’t want to sit with uncomfortable feelings for too long. It also felt like a failure in my abilities if I couldn’t solve the conflict readily.

If we feel down, we need to take time to feel down instead of hurrying the sadness along or trying to solve it. With time, the emotion passes or lessens, or we start to understand intuitively what we need to do, change, or communicate to feel at peace.

Oftentimes, sitting with emotions, means to sit with them alone. It may seem counterintuitive, when all we want is for someone to save us with a hug, a conversation, or an otherwise intimate exchange. This connectivity can help — however, sometimes we need to let go of the guilt or judgment we feel for not being ‘happy’ in another’s presence.

It does help to have a support system that doesn’t make us feel bad about feeling bad. But as this is conditioned within us societally, it is likely that we and our friend and family members are unaware of this conditioning, or they themselves are working on undoing it. The judgement and pressure can often come up unintentionally or indirectly. For instance, it can come up as myself trying to cheer up a friend quickly, and them accepting the offer— yet, together we mistakenly suppress the emotions that needed to be freely expressed. This is where a counselor or therapist also helps.

Through all of these individual exercises I started to notice that life is not a reflection of my good or bad mood, it simply is, and I’ve started to let it be whatever it is.

Sharing more of what I find and feel along the way @ instagram.com/_uhnu_