How to Stay Motivated When No one’s in Your Corner

Develop the grit and tenacity needed to reach your goals alone

We’re tested before we arrive at success. I truly believe this. Tests are the training ground for the next mountain peak. To see if we’re ready for it. If we really want it.

One of the biggest tests you’ll ever experience is the test of solitude. Here you’ll prove you still want the dream when no one gets it. You’ll demonstrate that you believe in yourself when they don’t think you’re good enough.

This stage separates the interested from the dedicated. And it sifts out the tinkerers from the achievers.

Pass the test.

Know your why

“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction”

— John F. Kennedy

Whether it’s a new business venture, a fitness goal, or a lifestyle change, reaching your goal is a journey. A long and winding journey dotted with pot-holes, roundabouts, dead-ends, isolated country roads, and turtle-speed school zones.

You may start out strong — full of motivation and passion — but eventually you’ll stumble upon difficult and confusing times. Don’t be surprised if this is where the support crowd drops off.

It sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but solitude could be exactly what you need. You’ll look back and realize it sharpened your focus and determination.

Retired Navy Seal, endurance athlete, and motivational speaker, David Goggins explains it best: “The world is moving too fast. You have to slow it down and gain control.” Once you are alone and without distraction, then, clarity of purpose comes.

To stay on the path and push through to success, you need to know your why:

• Do you want to be so healthy, you’re thriving at 90?
• Is hiking Mount Kilimanjaro on your bucket list?
• Would being debt-free remove a ton of stress?
• Do you want to afford a lifestyle no one in your family has the luxury of living?
• Maybe you want to earn a comfortable living without being chained to a desk 40+ hours a week, five out of seven days, 50 weeks a year? You’d rather spend your time exploring the world, watching your children grow, volunteering, or dabbling in your hobbies.

Keep a laser-like focus on your purpose. It will push you through the setbacks, the nay-saying, and the loneliness.

Remember, it’s for you

We’re social creatures, so it’s only natural we want to share the journey with our loved ones. The good, the bad, the ugly: We want our closest shoulder to shoulder as we trek this new road. That’s just part of being human.

Sometimes, though, people let us down. They abandon us when the going gets tough. Other times, even our truest ambassadors have busy and complicated lives so they can’t be there to celebrate with, and to lean on.

We must have compassion and patience for our people where needed, and we need to let go when it’s time.

Life isn’t all about us and our dreams, but don’t give up on them either.

With your goals, you’re the only one with everything to gain, and everything to lose.

Take a minute to think about that.

Our loved ones don’t belong to us. We don’t decide whether they stay or leave. We don’t choose how long they journey this earth.

But six months, a year, five, or ten years down the road, you will still be here. That we’re sure of.

Will you still be thinking about that business idea, your health goal, or that overseas trip? Or will you be part-way through living out your dream?

Don’t look back and mourn a life of lost potential. Hold onto the dream.

Visualize yourself on the other side. Do whatever it takes for your dream to feel like a reality:

• Create a vision board.
• Plan milestones to remind you how far you’ve come.
• Hang out with people who live a version of your desired future reality.
• Devour content from leaders in your chosen field.

Just make sure you’re regularly reminded that the cost you’re currently paying is worth it.

Don’t give up. Keep focus and press in.

Only you know your limits

“The hardest victory is the victory of self.”

— Aristotle

While I don’t believe in regrets, I have been guilty of wanting the approval of others more than my version of a full life. I’ve refused to step beyond my critics’ opinions to take a bet on myself.

Sometimes I’ve leaned toward the safe option. The academic path and job I could easily do. The one that led to a comfortable, reliable desk job. A (kind-of) meaningful people-centered job, but one without challenge or reward.

And because of this, others noticed the obvious: I can do the thing they see me do every day. They pigeon-holed me. But they didn’t know what else I could do just as easily.

Though, that’s not such a bad thing.

We shouldn’t expect others to notice our talents, strengths, and skills. That’s our job.

I know myself intimately. And you are the same. We know what we can do without a lot of thought; how easily we solve certain problems. We know the passions we spend hours thinking about each day; what captures our attention; what we seek to know more about.

We know all of this. So take that knowledge and back yourself.

If you know you can produce the same output in a few hours a day in your own business as a workplace that fills your days with meetings, then do it.

If you know that with time and dedication you can master that skill that seemed too risky a path to take at 18, then start.

You know yourself better than anyone else ever has, or ever will. Take on board the advice of trusted friends and mentors in your field, but not at the expense of your intuition. It knows best.

You’re the only one who truly knows the bounds of your abilities and strengths. Others may not see it, but it’s not their job to.

Make yourself proud

In case you need it, here’s your reminder: An accomplishment applauded by the masses is no greater than an accomplishment achieved behind closed doors.

It’s not recognition and accolades that make the milestone worthwhile, it’s the milestone itself: The battle won, and the long and sacrificial journey it represents.

Even if others recognize your achievements, they’ll be onto the next thing tomorrow. We forget even the greatest accomplishments. You’re the only one who will remember the journey to the mountain top moment. So make that enough.

Learn to cheer yourself on. Celebrate your success in the same way you’d celebrate a close friend.

Studies show that by-in-large, tying rewards to performance help improve motivation. It’s just common sense. Schools give gold stars and awards to top-performing students, and companies give merit-based pay and bonuses to their employees.

If it works for others, there has to be something in it, right? So, use rewards to stay on track, and to give yourself the credit you deserve.

Buy yourself a gift when you meet a milestone. Go out for a nice dinner and buy the expensive champagne. Start planning that post-pandemic solo escape, or take a few days off to relax and dive into your hobbies.

Whatever the reward is, make sure it’s meaningful for you, and plan ahead. Be crystal clear about when you’ve reached a milestone, and what the reward is.

Nuggets of wisdom are your reward

“I have not failed, I have simply found 1,000 ways that won’t work.”

— Thomas Edison

Whether you attain this goal, be proud of yourself. Of your willingness to leave the pack and try something most people won’t. Of the courage shown by giving it a go when the odds were against you. Of your resilience, your hard work, and the progress made.

See, you may succeed, and you may fail. Either way, you can hold your head up high. You’ve achieved more than most: You didn’t cower down from the fear of rejection or failure.

Most importantly, you‘ll never look back with regret: Wishing you gave it a go, or worse, you’d just tried a little harder. It’s cheesy and cliché, but it’s true: The only failure is not trying.

You’ll take away lessons worth more than gold. The next business venture or project will begin a few rungs further up the ladder. You’ll be aware of the traps. Know what you shouldn’t waste your time or money on. It’ll be clear when to push on, and when to re-route.

Be the support team you wish you had

If being part of a community is important to you, then look for opportunities to inspire, and to lend a helping hand to those a few steps behind you. You never know, you may find your people.

Your resilience in the face of a long and arduous challenge — lacking the same comforts others take for granted — will speak volumes.

Don’t dismiss that.

Not only will your success be the reward of your efforts, but it will be a testament to what’s possible for those who didn’t take the ride with you.

Even better, your success could inspire those facing even tougher life circumstances. It could set the benchmark for even bigger things.

Build a new community

“Want to know who your friends are? Start a business and ask for their support.”

— Steve Jobs

Long-term, we all need a community to journey through life with. So, if yours isn’t a healthy, two-sided deal, then maybe you need to look for another.

It could be as simple as finding a group that shares your dream, or new life direction.

If you love to create, creators will understand your newfound passion.

If you love to write, writers will be knee-deep in improving their craft too.

If you love entrepreneurship, entrepreneurs will be just as committed to the grind.

Be proactive; meet your peers. Find mentors and leaders in your field. Search out those also just starting, and those two steps behind and ahead of you. Study, or seek mentorship from go-getters who are years, or decades into their journey.

These people are running in the same direction; run together.

The bottom line

Our lives are neither a success nor a failure. Each life comprises many chapters weaving one experience with the next. Often we reach a goal only because of the events that came before it: The failures, the frustrations, the re-directions, and the heart-breaks.

Keep going, you’ll get there eventually. It may take one go, it may take ten.

Your goal may even change shape before you get there.

But this time, pass the test.