How to Spot Emotional Abuse:
Recognizing the Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Person
Emotional abuse is a form of abuse that can be difficult to identify, but it can be just as damaging as physical abuse, if not more so. Unlike physical abuse, emotional abuse doesn’t leave visible scars, making it easy for abusers to hide their behavior. Spotting a person who is emotionally abusive can be challenging, but there are some common signs that may indicate that someone is emotionally abusive.
Control
One of the most common signs of emotional abuse is control. An emotionally abusive person will try to control every aspect of your life, from who you spend time with to what you wear. They may be overly possessive and jealous, and they may try to isolate you from your friends and family. According to Dr. Steven Stosny, a therapist who specializes in treating emotional abuse, “The central feature of emotional abuse is control.”
Criticism
Another common sign of emotional abuse is criticism. An emotionally abusive person will constantly criticize you, putting you down and making you feel inadequate. They may belittle you, mock you, or humiliate you in public. According to Dr. Robin Stern, author of “The Gaslight Effect,” “Criticism is not the same as feedback. Criticism is meant to hurt, to tear down, to demean.”
Blame
Emotionally abusive people often refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead blame others for their problems. They may blame you for their own shortcomings, mistakes, or failures. They may also use guilt and manipulation to control you. According to Dr. Anita Gadhia-Smith, a psychotherapist and author of “From Addiction to Recovery: A Therapist’s Personal Journey,” “Emotional abuse is about power and control, and the abuser uses blame to maintain that control.”
Unpredictability
Emotionally abusive people can be unpredictable. They may go from being loving and kind to angry and abusive in a matter of seconds. This unpredictability can be very confusing and unsettling, and it can make you feel like you are walking on eggshells around them. According to Dr. Stosny, “The abuser is often inconsistent in his or her behavior, which keeps the victim off-balance and afraid.”
Threats
Another common sign of emotional abuse is the use of threats. An emotionally abusive person may threaten to harm you or your loved ones if you don’t do what they want. They may also threaten to leave you or abandon you if you don’t comply with their demands. According to Dr. Gadhia-Smith, “The abuser uses threats to keep the victim in line, to make the victim feel afraid and powerless.”
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their own perceptions and memories. An emotionally abusive person may deny things that have happened or twist the truth to make it seem like the victim is the one who is wrong. They may also make the victim feel like they are crazy or irrational. According to Dr. Stern, “Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional abuse because it’s so difficult to detect.”
Minimizing Feelings
Emotionally abusive people often minimize the feelings of their victims. They may tell you that you are overreacting, that your feelings don’t matter, or that you are being too sensitive. This can make you feel like your feelings are not valid and can cause you to doubt yourself. According to Dr. Stosny, “The abuser often belittles the victim’s feelings, which undermines the victim’s self-esteem.”
If you suspect that someone in your life is emotionally abusive, it is important to seek help. Emotional abuse can have serious long-term effects on your mental health and well-being, and it is not something that you should have to endure. There are resources available to help you, such as counseling, support groups, and hotlines.
It’s important to remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. As Dr. Gadhia-Smith says, “Victims of emotional abuse need to know that they are not responsible for the abuser’s behavior and that they have a right to seek help and support.”
Emotional abuse can be difficult to identify, but there are common signs to watch out for, such as control, criticism, blame, unpredictability, threats, gaslighting, and minimizing of your feelings. If you recognize these signs in someone in your life, seek help and support. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and you have the right to live a life free from emotional abuse.
