How to Spot a Romance Scammer
And find real love online.
Updated February 6, 2023.
Yes, I am still using online dating as a way to find romance. However, I haven’t had a boyfriend in years. Plus, I am in my 40s, have never been married, and I know that it’s hard to find love during a pandemic.
Yet, I am still doing the online dating thing. I have met real live men in person from there. But unfortunately, I have also met some jerks who think that all women on these sites want sex (That is not true).
I’ve also almost fallen victim to some of these dating scammers. But fortunately, I never got scammed out of my money. Besides, my parents taught me never to give money to strangers.
Being on these online dating sites has taught me some things about how to spot a Romance Scammer. And I want to share that with you.
The Reason Why I am Writing This.
When I notice these scammers on most dating sites out there, I report and block them. I had no problems with them until most recently with Facebook Dating.
If you didn’t know that Facebook had a Dating app, yes, they do. But it’s only on the mobile app. You have to tap on the three lines at the top right of your screen, scroll down and tap dating. You can’t get this on Facebook your PC. And it acts almost like Tinder with a few differences.
A few times, the people who work for Facebook got it right, and those profiles that I flagged were fake. But most of the time, I get messages that says they are keeping the profile.
I did write about this issue to a Facebook Complaints group there. Only to be ostracized for being on a dating site. And moderator of that group had to shut the comments down, reminding others that I was complaining about how Facebook handles Scammers on the Dating app. But I did get one actual response saying that Facebook relies on algorithms, so that might be an explanation.
Then again, I read somewhere that Facebook relies on another company to deal with Dating Scammers and people who break Facebook policy.
My other reason is that I read that lonely women over 50 are the majority of the victims of these scams. But I don’t think that it is true. Both men and women over the age of 18 are the victims.
This article is my way to teach the people who work for Facebook and you, the single reader, how to spot a Romance Scammer. Some of you might be new to the online dating world as well. This one is for every adult out there.
I’ve categorized this article into three parts: before you communicate, after you both match and start sharing, and after realizing that you have been scammed.
Before You Communicate.
Yes, there are ways to catch and report a fake profile before you respond to it. Here’s how:
- Check to see if the photo is real or fake.
It is easy to do on your computer. You can copy or save the photo and then go to Google Images to see if they are real or fake.
I have tried this on the Facebook app and it doesn’t work, it might work on Tinder. I read somewhere that you can tap on the photo to expand and tap again. Then you tap on “Save Photo.” Next, go to Google Images and check. I tried, and it didn’t work. So if you have any other suggestions, please let me know. I will keep you updated on this tip.
You can tell if the photo is fake on Google Images to see how often the scammer used the same picture. If you find one, immediately report them to the dating site and Facebook.
Another way that you can tell if the image is fake is if the image is blurry or there is no photo.
Above is a video that I found on Dr. Oz that shows an example of a blurry photo that a Romance Scammer uses.
2. Read the Profile Carefully.
Make sure that there are no spelling or grammar mistakes in their profile. If there is, you might have to look into this further.
Read where they wrote they are from and remember it. Unfortunately, there is no such city in California named California. What they wrote in their profile in terms of location will also come in handy later. I will explain why in this article.
Also, make sure that the name of the person is correct. For example, I was looking for a man to date, and I noticed one with a man’s picture on it, but his name is Elizabeth. In his profile, he explained that Elizabeth is his mother’s name. In truth, I think that this guy is a scammer. You can change that name or contact Facebook Admin or the Dating Site to ask how to do that.
Another thing to check for is if the person’s profile photo matches their description. I came across pictures of men with blonde or grey hair on another site, but their description said their hair color was brown. Or, if they are bald, their hair is black. This means they’re a scammer.
I’ve even contacted one of them, who in their profile said they have a child. They said they didn’t have a kid, and then the next day they said they did. That’s when you have to hit the report button on something like this.
See if they leave their phone number on their profile. This is a BIG no-no. Scammers do this so that they can get you off the site as soon as possible. They might also say that they are not on whatever dating site or Facebook that often (Which is a lie). Besides, real daters never leave their phone numbers in their profiles.
I don’t know when this happened, but dating sites and social will ban and jail scammers if they commit a crime online.
After You Both Match and Start Sharing.
- The First Contact.
Say that you did connect with the person of your dreams, and you write “hi” the message. The first message that you read your potential date is, “Sorry, I don’t log in here very often! I’m more of an (Instagram, Whatapps, Google Hangouts, etc.) user. Are you on it too?” This means that they are a scammer. Remember that Scammers want you off dating sites ASAP.
Actual dates will never ask you to get off Tinder, Facebook Dating, or any other site right away. They want to get to know you first before scheduling a face-to-face date with you. An actual date might ask you to communicate off these sites a week or two later or right after you see each other for the first time.
Now say that you are communicating with your match. They asks you to get off any dating site; this still means they are a Romance Scammer. I don’t want to repeat myself, but these Scammers wish to know your money and identity more than you and your personality.
- What if you’re not sure if they’re a scammer, but you still want to connect with them?
You still want to connect with this person, even if they want you to leave the dating site immediately. Before you do, there is another way to tell if they are a scammer or not. Part of this you have to remember is in their profile.
If they wrote their phone number, just google the country and area code. The country code is the first digit in a phone number. In North America (Canada and the U.S.) that is the number one. If your potential date writes that they live in a city or town in Canada or the U.S., and their country code is not one, then they are a scammer. Even if they say they’re from another country, their phone number shows a different country code. Don’t trust them.
If the country code is the same as yours, you can take a peek at the next three numbers of their phone number (through Google again) — the area code. This will let you know if they’re really from the same place they say they are in their profile. If the number shows a different state or province, they are scammers.
2. What about WhatsApp?
This app is a favorite among scammers. This one is tricky. I don’t use WhatsApp myself (I find it too confusing).I found out that there are apps for spying on WhatsApp that allow you to track someone’s location without them knowing. Please download those and see if this potential date is real or not.
3. Remember What was Said About Location Earlier?
I once got asked by someone when we first connected where I was from. I was stunned. A real date will have already read your profile before clicking on it. I did respond with, “Did you not read my profile? Where do you think I’m from?”
In my case, because of some past scammers, I aim to meet someone local. It is so that I can meet with them in person. I would also suggest that for you, but you still have to look out for scammers. They might say that they live in the same town you are in their profile, but please read what they say about that after connecting with them.
Here’s one case in point:
I don’t live in Pittsburgh; I live somewhere in Canada. This scammer did say on his profile that he lives in the same town as I do. But in his response, he writes that he lives in the states. I did what I had to do on Facebook Dating, but I got the response back that says they are keeping his profile up.
Some Personal Scam Stories.
I got two stories. These happened in the past, and I did learn my lesson.
I am also not going to mention the dating sites that it happened on either.
First Story.
This one happened just around the time that I learned the word Phishing. I was a victim of that because I didn’t know that banks do not send you any emails saying that your account is about to be closed. Because of that, I had to get off online banking for good.
I met this guy online who had the blurry photo. He did ask me to get onto an unknown texting app. So I did, and then this scammer asked me to take a picture of my credit card.
Because of my Phishing experience, I was hesitant to do it.
I should also mention here that the Credit Card I had at the time was one that I got from the post office, and I can put any amount on it. I have been in trouble with Credit Card companies in the past.
Anyway, I did end up taking a picture of my credit card. However, before I did, I put a blank piece of paper over the top to hide my numbers. So I took a picture of my credit card with white paper covering it. And the scammer wasn’t happy about it.
I didn’t realize that he was a scammer until hours later. But I did end up reporting him to that dating site I met him on and deleting that texting app off of my phone. By the way, you might call what I did stupid and smart at the same time.
Second Story.
It was on another dating site. I did end up connecting with two men. One of them wrote that he was from Winnipeg. I ended up on the phone with this guy, and he said that he moved to Florida. Days later, I got a message from this particular dating site saying that this profile was fake, which is good for that they did that. I did appreciate it. I ended up blocking this scammer on my phone too. But I should have known that it was fake when I talked to him. When I have move to another town, I update my dating profile immediately.
When you’re using a dating site and you come across someone who says they’re from the same place as you, be careful. Once you move your conversation to email, text, or phone, they might tell you they’re working overseas in an oil rig for a few months. This is a red flag too. If someone moves abroad for a while, they will update their dating profile to the new location. Scammers don’t do this, but I have.
The same goes for those who are in the military. Scammers also use photos of those who were/are in the military to get their victims this way.
If you haven’t done all that I mentioned initially, you are now texting and talking to the person of your dreams. You learned that they are either working in oil, a doctor working for a major organization, or in the military.
Suddenly, they ask you for money because they or a family member can’t pay their medical expenses or pay off any debt.
Or if you really want to meet them, they ask you for money for plane tickets, customs fees, or travel documents like visas.
Then the scammers would ask you to wire the money or reload gift cards.
First of all, DO NOT SEND ANY MONEY to them. I don’t care how much they tug at your heartstrings about how their in desperate need of money. Think of it this way: Who pays your medical bills, plane tickets, customs fees, or visas? The answer is obvious. It’s you and not a stranger.
As for gift cards, the reason why scammers ask for them is that it’s an easier way to get money and less traceable than wire transfers. Gift cards are not tied to any account and give the scammer some anonymity. Scammers can buy stuff with it or convert it to money.
But the person that I want to meet isn’t asking for money, but they make up some excuse as to why they don’t want to meet me in person.
Okay, we are getting into Catfish territory. But then again, Scammers are also Catfishers asking for money.
Scammers and Catfisher often will cancel meeting you because of emergencies. The only difference is that Scammers will be asking for more money after you do that the first time.
Nonetheless, as my parents taught me NEVER GIVE MONEY TO STRANGERS, no matter what emergency they say they have. Real people can always reschedule meeting you if they have an emergency come up. And they can pay for these emergencies themselves. But they never would constantly give you excuses whenever you tried to schedule an in-person meeting.
After You Realized You’ve Been Scammed.
So what do you do now that you think that you or someone you love has been scammed? First, tell someone you trust.
Tell the dating site where you met this scammer to say that their photo is fake so that the site can remove it.
If you live in the U.S., contact the Federal Trade Commission here: ftc.gov/complaints. You can also contact the FBI here: ic3.gov.
In Canada, you can file a complaint to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre: Report fraud and cybercrime (antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca).
So now that you read this article and got the knowledge of how to spot a Romance Scammer, go ahead and start putting up your profile.
But I hope that someone from Facebook reads this and forwards this to their coworkers.
Works Cited
Batt, Simon. “Why Do Scammers Always Ask for Gift Cards?” Security, makeuseof.com, 14 June 2021, https://www.makeuseof.com/why-do-scammers-ask-for-gift-cards/.
Federal Trade Commission. “What You Need To Know About Romance Scams.” Consumer Information, June 2019, https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/what-you-need-know-about-romance-scams.
Ibrahim, Alex. “How to Spy and Locate Someone on WhatsApp without them Knowing” naijatechguide.com, January 7, 2023, https://www.naijatechguide.com/2018/07/spy-locate-whatsapp.html
Kando-Pineda, Carol. “Online love asking for money? It’s a scam.” Consumer Information, Federal Trade Commission, 10 July 2018, https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/blog/2018/07/online-love-asking-money-its-scam?page=10.
Kroger. “Why do scammers want gift cards?” Egift Cards, Kroger.com, 26 February 2021, https://giftcards.kroger.com/blog/why-do-scammers-want-gift-cards.
Norton. “Romance scams in 2021: What you need to know plus online dating scam statistics.” Online Scams, Norton.com, 2021, https://us.norton.com/internetsecurity-online-scams-online-dating-scam-statistics.html.
Security National Bank. “How to Spot the Signs of a Romance Scammer and Report Online Dating Scams.” Fraud Protection Relationships & Finances, Security National Bank, 8 February 2021, https://www.snbonline.com/about/news/how-to-detect-an-online-romance-scam.
Wells, Robert Earl. “How to Activate Facebook Dating.” lifewire.com, 8 February 2021, https://www.lifewire.com/activate-facebook-dating-5069911.
