How To Speak In Public With Confidence
3 simple tools that will make you stand up strong and speak without hesitation
Do you tense up when you are about to stand up and give a speech at your friend’s wedding?
Do you feel a knot in your stomach at introduction rounds when before it is your turn?
Sometimes I do get a few butterflies, when speaking to large gatherings of professionals. But I have improved immensely over the years using the three tools that I am going to suggest to you.
I have a degree in Communication from the university and the class I still remember best was the one in public speaking. I had a couple of years of psychology classes under my belt. They all had large quantities of academic literature, advanced models and really complex material. This class was completely different!
On the first day, we gathered in a circle in the classroom. We were only about 40 students in the class and started by stepping into a circle one after another to present ourselves. This gave some butterflies, maybe even a small knot in the stomach. I was among other communication professionals and teachers who had done public speaking for ages. Teachers who trained top politicians in their spare time. That gave some butterflies.
I did ok. All I had to do was say my name and what classes I had taken. How hard can that be? Pretty hard I learned. Some of the other students were significantly more stressed than me and it was instantly visible in their voices.
After everyone had done the exercise the teacher presented the first very academic tool for public speaking:
The first Tool
Breathing!
“Breathe in. All the way down into your stomach. Feel your belly expand. Now let go of the breath and let it out with a sigh. Do it again. And a third time”
Then we had to introduce the person next to us. Same deal. Go into the circle and introduce the guy next to us. With one difference. Three breaths before stepping into the circle. The results were amazing. Everyone presented without the slightest hesitation in their voices. My own butterflies? Significantly decreased. I felt relaxed and good.
I still use this exercise whenever I feel anxious about a presentation or a speech. It still works every single time.
Why does breathing help so much?
When you are nervous and anxious you tend to tense your body and take shallow breaths at the top of your lungs. Your body enters the typical Fight or Flight mode that we are programmed to do when we sense danger. Forcing yourself to breathe differently tells your brain that you are not in danger and your body and mind relax.
The second tool
Reversed instinct!
I have coached a lot of people in public speaking. Mainly on presenting in front of a large professional crowd. One of the most common challenges they mention is the introduction round at meetings. You sit at the meeting table with all these important people around the table. Maybe a potential customer, the managing director of the company and of course your own boss. They all give stellar introductions to themselves with amazing achievements, titles, and accomplishments.
The round goes on and soon it will be your turn. You hard starts racing and you think frantically about what to say. How to sound equally impressive. You stop listening and don’t catch the names of the last two people before you (Which will become a problem later).
Then it is your turn. Do you know the feeling?
The second tool is about reversing your instinct. When you are in a setting where you have some control, like a meeting, then your instinct would typically be to hide for as long as possible. Wait as long as you can until you are forced to say something.
Reverse that.
Be the first one to talk, present, ask a question or whatever is the situation.
If the question is asked, “Who will start the introductions” then jump in and start! Try to be the first one every time you have the chance.
If it is a parent meeting at your kids’ school, then be the first one to ask a question.
Once you have said something. Everything will become much easier!
It is again about your fight or flight reaction. When you are anxious to speak your body acknowledges this as danger and you tense up. As soon as you have said something and experience that it will not kill you, your body starts to relax. It won’t even be as embarrassing as you think.
In my house, we call this the Søren Rasmussen rule:
“Do the opposite of your instinct — eg. If you don’t like to present, be the first to do so.” — Søren Rasmussen
He taught me this simple little trick and I have used it ever since.
If you are in a situation where you cannot control your turn of speaking, then use tools 1 and 3. That will still get you through it.
The third tool
Prepare!
Yes, it’s that simple. Prepare. You have probably heard it before and you are likely preparing your presentations and bigger speeches. But do you prepare for all the times you find challenging? And how do you prepare best?
Preparation is key. Being prepared gives you confidence and that goes for all situations. Let me give you an example.
I have 3 different elevator pitches that I have written down and prepared for certain situations.
- Introducing myself at private gatherings. What 20 seconds do you say about yourself when meeting a new person at a party? To be both interesting and informative? What will help start a conversation?
- Introducing myself professionally: What 20 seconds do you say about yourself to establish your professional ethos?
- Introducing myself at networking events: These are different 20 seconds since you have to give a little of your resume, a bit about what you want. You have to be charming and interesting.
Preparations for a public speech or a presentation are very important but equally, it is important not to prepare too much. You need to have a good idea of what you want to say but not a full script that you try to learn by rote memory. This is a typical error many new speakers make and the moment one sentence slip, they are in deep trouble.
Instead of writing a full script you should focus on
- Outline your key message(s) — what should the audience take home
- Outline the general structure of your speech. How will you start, what comes next? How do you build-up to the conclusion/end? And a strong ending
- Prepare your opening meticulously. Make sure you have a strong opening line that you can remember.
- Prepare your closing as meticulously. Finish strong. Don’t end with “That’s it. I think I am done…” Finish strong “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the next speaker” or whatever is appropriate.
- Rehearse your speech. Use your outline with keywords. Don’t write a full manuscript and try to learn it by rote. Much better to have the concepts and then talk through it enough times to have a good idea of what you want to say. And don’t try to say the same every time. Let it come naturally.
Tip 1: Don’t ever start with “I am not good with speeches” It is the worst way to start!!! Don’t apologize or make excuses it will only make it worse for yourself. Start strong!
Tip 2: Know your first line and your last! Those are the most important!
In summary
Public speaking is about getting your body and your mind right. You cannot perform when you are in fight or flight mode so you have to trick your body to relax. Breathing is the easiest available tool for that! And it is something you are already pretty good at.
Reverse your instinct to condition yourself for public speaking. Be the first one to talk! Practice that and it will become easier!
And Prepare! Prepare for all the situations that you fear and it will become much easier.
When you are ready, you can take it to the next level with:
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