How to Silence the Voices of Depression in Your Head

How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy worked for me

“You’re a failure”

“You should give up”

“What’s the point?”

It’s that nagging voice from your darkest subconscious again.

Holding you back. Cutting you down.

They can be debilitating. They can make the strongest crumble. They can lead to self harm.

I used to hear those voices. They taunted me for decades.

The solution for me was surprisingly simple. Not easy, but simple.

If you are a victim of the voices, you can do something about it.

You’ve just got to make the decision to consider it.

You may have doubts, but unless you try, you’ll never know.

This is my story of how I silenced the voices for good.

Identifying the problem

Quite often, we believe our situation is normal. Until we hear from someone else’s experience.

Looking back, I think the voice was with me from childhood. Where or when it started is irrelevant.

Knowing it shouldn’t be there is what’s important.

That said, many people have heard voices when nobody is there; it doesn’t mean they have a mental health problem. As the UK’s Mental Health Foundation points out, you can occasionally hear voices when you’re experiencing extreme hunger, lack of sleep, or due to medication.

What I didn’t realise until the psychologist explained it to me, is that it’s not normal to be berated by a stream of negativity inside your own head.

Like when I was told by a physiotherapist I had shin splints. I thought everyone experienced searing pain when they ran. Not true. Sprinters breaking the speed of sound weren’t superhuman — they just didn’t have shin splints (if you get what I mean — obviously they ARE superhuman).

It’s part of our physical make-up, our bodies all have their own idiosyncrasies; whether in how our muscles work or how our brain operates.

Unbalanced brain

Depression can be treated with medication, and I’ve been on a variety of tablets with varying degrees of success.

Before resuming therapy late last year, my doctor agreed I should change medication as I felt I’d plateaued emotionally. What we discovered is that my previous regime was actually quite good, and the new tablets did NOT sit well with me.

You shouldn’t be bursting into tears when watching ads for toilet paper (before pandemic panic buying was a thing), and I resumed my previous course.

I laugh about it in retrospect, but it was a good reminder of the power that medication has.

I’m only mentioning medication because it can be a solution for some. Our chemical make-up are different, and what works for you may not work for me.

The process

Which brings us to the solution I was taught: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

And my caveat: I’m not a trained professional, I’m writing from experience. This may work for you, it may not. Most importantly, it may not be something you can successfully do on your own. Consider getting a professional involved.

This is a mindfulness approach that draws on 2,500 year-old Buddhist principles and modern cognitive behavioral therapies.

To be mindful requires dedication, as it requires us to live in the moment. I have to admit being a little too Luke Skywalkery in always looking to the future, never being in the here and now. But with practice, we can become more aware of what is happening within ourselves and find ways to control it.

Essentially the process can be broken down into these stages:

• Identification
• Visualization
• Acceptance
• Rejection
• Repeat

This is how I viewed the process. Professionals could well have different structures.

Identification

The first step was acknowledging the voice existed and seeing if there was a pattern in how it occurred. This required becoming mindful of myself, my feelings and emotions, and my physical reactions.

You may want to look further into meditation to understand this step, as it is what chefs would refer to as ‘making a béchamel sauce’. It’s something that should become second nature to you, and while not difficult to learn, it takes time to master.

While I was regularly meditating, it allowed me to be more present in the day-to-day so I could better identify what was happening to me.

An actual diary was taken of when I recognized the voice was there, and what it was saying.

In my case there didn’t seem to be any particular pattern regarding situations or mood, but the messages were all the same: they all focussed on self-doubt / self-loathing. Anything I could do to put myself down.

Visualization

This step requires you to find a quiet place within yourself. It does help to be in a physically quiet place.

You will be seeing your self as a dwelling of some sort: a house, a yurt, igloo, penthouse apartment, whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Your imagined home is yours to control. It’s your happy place, your safe space.

Thoughts come and go. External visitors are welcomed and their discussions invited in, thought about, and allowed to leave.

Attach a visual representation to all these items. They may be physical objects (lamps, tables), animals (dogs, cats), or in my case protostars (I’m a nerd).

These multi-colored balls of energy would pulsate with vigor or relaxation depending on their nature.

Then the dark stars came. These were my negative thoughts.

Acceptance

Whether a thought is positive or negative, you need to accept they exist. Unless you do this you can’t interact with them.

Merely avoiding negative thoughts makes them more powerful. For a long time I believed that ‘faking it til you make it’ was a successful strategy, until it became apparent that it just made the negative thoughts fester and grow stronger.

By accepting the negative thought exists may appear to give it power, but it actually gives you the power. Power you never had before.

The power to control what had previously been controlling you.

Rejection

My favorite part.

With every thought that has been in your safe house, you’ve had the ability to sit down and talk with them.

Now is your opportunity to ignore them. Or better yet, evict them.

It’s a simple statement:

“I know what you are. I accept you exist. But this is my house. You are not welcome here”.

The first time I tried this I felt ridiculous. The same the second. Third. Fourth.

I don’t know at what point I stopped feeling like an idiot playing make believe in my head.

Until one day I didn’t feel like a fool.

I felt empowered.

You’re not good enough.

“I know what you are. I accept you exist. But this is my house. You are not welcome here”

The negative voice faltered. I’d managed to get it to recognize me. It restarted.

You’re not good -

“I know what you are. I accept you exist. But this is my house. You are not welcome here”

My safe space was now glowing in the faint light of a newborn star. Ahead of me a neutron star of negativity, dark and lonely, slowly losing its potency.

You’re -

“I know what you are. I accept you exist. But this is my house. You are not welcome here”

-

I could feel the tables being turned.

Repeat

This process didn’t happen overnight. It took months.

It might have even taken a year.

But it did happen.

One day I realized I hadn’t had to have the conversation.

The voices were gone.

Introspective

Looking back to this journey from five years ago, I can’t believe how such a simple solution took me so long to discover.

But the black dog remains. I may have defeated a symptom, but have yet to identify the core that has been fueling my depression this whole time.

I’ve begun a new therapy in the past few months, and it has already seen an enormous change in my behavior. I’ve written about it previously. I’ll write more about it soon as I’ve come to terms with how it is changing me.

Until then, I continue to remind myself of the holy trinity of wellbeing:

• Eat well
• Move more
• Mental balance

Healthy food choices, regular exercise and allowing yourself time to relax your body and mind are all ways to help sustain good mental health.

But even the healthiest of us can still experience depression.

If you’re concerned about your mental health — talk to your doctor. Talk to your friends. Talk to anyone who you feel comfortable with. In person or online. Join a group.

Try something new.

Your safe space is out there waiting to be discovered.

Further reading:

• Hearing Voices — UK Mental Health Foundation
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy — Psychology Today
• An Approach To Depression: Welcoming An Uninvited Guest by Simon Jacobs UKCP, MA, BA, PG dip

And the highly technical reads:

• Acceptance and commitment therapy. Pathways for general practitioners — The Royal Australian College of General Practitioners
• Six Principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy — Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors

About The Author

Stephen Scott. Writer of Words. Yet Another Creative. Many names, some printable in decent company. He’s been plying his trade in copywriting and creative management since, well, before you were born (if you were born in the 90’s). Yes, he’s obviously a Star Wars fan. Connect with him on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram.