Mental health and advice
How to Show Up for Your Partner with Mental Health Issues
2. Write a letter
Having a partner with mental health issues is tough. (Not going to lie.)
When I got into a relationship with a sufferer of many mental health issues a few months back, I knew what I was coming into. In other words, I knew it wouldn’t be an easy ride (as I also suffer from mental health issues).
It can be up and down and all around when handling certain situations, but there are some ways on how to show up for your partner with mental health issues and I will outline them below.
Side note: This is taken from my personal experience and can differ for every person and every relationship. I understand this is a delicate situation to handle, so take each point with a pinch of salt.
Before anything, my boyfriend is currently suffering severely from mental health issues so much so that he is in rehab. Therefore, I am speaking from an experienced place of learning and loving.
Furthermore, I am also speaking from a long-distance relationship stance so don’t know how it is to be in a “normal” relationship.
Unfortunately, it is not the easiest situation to be in right now, but if I can share my experience and help you out then that is my job done.
1. Take each day at a time
First but foremost, when your partner has a mental health issue you don’t know how they are going to feel from day to day.
This is something I am definitely learning on a daily basis.
When I message my boyfriend, I can have the expectation that he might be off or on with me — depends on the day.
More days than usual, his mood is low and it is hard to get through to him.
Not to mention, when you are having a relationship online, it is tougher to keep contact up anyway.
One way I deal with this is to remind myself to take one day at a time.
“I believe that the best way to prepare for a Future Life is to be kind, live one day at a time, and do the work you can do best, doing it as well as you can.” — Elbert Hubbard
The best way to prepare yourself for dealing with your partner’s state is to take each day as it comes, as it goes.
One way I do this is by not having expectations from him in any way. Ok, so this is hard to have in general because expectations overtake us in every way.
For example, I don’t wake up and have the expectation that he will message me straight away because he might be feeling low and that won’t allow him to message me first thing.
Of course it may hurt sometimes when I look at my phone and realise he hasn’t messaged me when I think of him, but it makes me realise he isn’t doing well either.
Such simple steps to not having expectations permits you to not feel down when you can resist it. Especially when you know there are times that you can’t help but feel down…
So the first trick to show up for your partner with mental health issues is to take one day at a time and be wary that each day is a different ball game.
2. Write a letter
Second thing to do is to write a letter to your partner.
Some days, the words don’t come to you or they do and they may be too mean to say. Anger fuels your words and the words to send could have a long-lasting affect on the relationship.
I have always believed in the power of writing letters and have done it for a long time to loved ones. So now when in a long-distance relationship again, I like to fuel the relationship with letters.
In fact, I wish I lived back in the old days when letters were a thing and we didn’t have constant contact with people.
But there we go, we are always in contact here!
However, even when I have instant messenger, he still doesn’t respond at times.
That’s because his mental health goes down — be prepared for your partner to ignore you. I have written about how to deal with your partner ignoring you before. I have also written about how to deal with a partner with depression before:
Going back to letter writing: I believe that when you write letters, you share what is truly on your heart.
At times, in our fast-paced livelihoods, we get carried away with what we say. We don’t think before we speak, we just speak for the fun of it…
However, when you get down to writing a letter, you let love lead your awy.
Love can lead our lives if we permit it to.
When writing a letter to your loved one, really take the time to think about what you want to say.
It is funny having a limited amount of pages or lines to fill, so have fun with it and really just say what is lying on your heart, even if it might be hard to say at times — now is your time!
This way, your partner with a mental health issue will read your words with a different perspective and might even find it easier to respond (that is what happened in my case):
There had been three days that he didn’t text me.
I was going out of my mind.
Firstly, I was worried about him (he has suicidal thoughts) and secondly, I wanted to know if I had done something wrong…
So I decided to write a letter and send it to him.
After recieving it, he turned on his phone and responded to me. He said he understood where I was coming from and apologised as he never thought that I would feel this way.
So what is your letter going to say?
3. Think before you speak
Last but definitely not least, is to think before you speak!
As mentioned above briefly, we must really think before we speak when having a partner with mental health issues because you don’t know how it is going to affect them…
I have had moments when I want to reply nastily and then will have to stop myself.
There was one time before bed where we usually have a phone call for an hour or two that he cancelled.
I was heartbroken.
That day had been a lonely day for me, and in all honesty I was awaiting his call the whole day. To top it off, it is his birthday soon and he then said he doesn’t feel like having any visitors so there is no point in me coming.
It was like a 2 in 1 dagger in the heart.
I responded “go to bed. You’ve pissed me off.”
This spur of the moment message ended up with him not speaking to me for three days because he couldn’t handle the pressure from me.
So don’t learn the hard way, but be mindful about what you say.
If you say it in your head and heart and it feels right then go for it, but if somehting is off — reconsider as you could suffer from consequences like me.
The takeaway
How to show up for your partner with mental health issues concerns an array of tricks and tips, however I have just chosen three that might help you in your route to more understanding and loving. Remember to:
- Think before you speak
- Take one day at a time
- Write a letter from your heart
I hope this helps you — please do share below what your journey is like!