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Abstract

if you don’t feel mainstream enough for trick or treat.Here’s how the game goes:<ol><li>Buy a basket full of eggs from any local chicken.</li></ol>2. Decorate your eggs at home with fun and playful patterns — mine for example has a big picture of <a href="undefined">Kristine Laco</a> playing the bongos.3. Make sure your house/apartment/caravan has plenty of pumpkins on show.4. Wait until nightfall for all the trick-or-treaters to arrive at your place.5. Listen out for your spooky doorbell to go and then answer the door.6. Yell at the children to keep off your property and you’ll call the cops if they ever come near your place again.7. Remember your decorated basket of eggs? — Well start throwing them at every child you possibly can.8. Repeat every year until you die of loneliness and depression.Have an EGGcellent Halloween :DMake sure you get a good violent egg crimes defense lawyer if you do this by the way.<h1 id="c066">Costumes To Die For</h1><figure id="9126"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*c4tKDAPjznghn3B8zWA67Q.jpeg"><figcaption>The undead like fairy lights too ya know… — Photo: <a href="https://unsplash.com/es/@neonbrand?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Kenny Eliason</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/halloween?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>Halloween wouldn't be the spooky spectacle it is without the lovely costumes on show every year.Wouldn’t you like to be a little bit different though? Stand out from the crowd a bit?Luckily for you peeps, I’ve made a snazzy list of the best costume ideas for Halloween 2022.Be prepared to be the coolest person at the party with these awesome outfits to make people sorry they forgot you existed.<h1 id="95b6">A) Ketchup Bottle</h1><figure id="fb2e"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*D9X_4F5DZkhS03XHBftCdg.jpeg"><figcaption>If you like to be held and squirted at social events — snap this bad boy up now! — Photo: <a href="https://www.halloweencostumes.co.uk/heinz-ketchup-bottle-adult-costume.html">HalloweenCostumes.co.uk</a></figcaption></figure>Why should I wear this?<ul><li>You’ll always be near the food.</li><li>If you get punched and start bleeding, nobody will notice.</li><li>It’s a great talking point with sauce lovers.</li><li>People who don’t like Ketchup will be petrified.</li></ul>Scare Rating — 7<h1 id="76ce">B) Chicken on a Tractor</h1><figure id="9f0a"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*m3ELqcIcDlUUu-jokrcI-g.jpeg"><figcaption>“Who’s the farmer now?!” — Photo: <a href="https://www.cosmopolitan.com/style-beauty/fashion/g7521450/funny-halloween-costumes/">Cosmopolitan/Getty Images</a></figcaption></figure>Why should I wear this?<ul><li>People will finally take you seriously.</li><li>Women love a chicken who drives.</li><li>Instead of making awkward small talk

Options

, you can just bwark and cluck all night long.</li><li>You can make more eggs to throw at trick-or-treaters.</li></ul>Scare Rating — ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! That was hella scary.<h1 id="6aed">C) A Traffic Cone</h1><figure id="12f2"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*aQwVnZtD2o35rk9M86TSlA.jpeg"><figcaption>When you’re the only one at the party because you closed all the roads — Photo: <a href="https://www.amazon.co.uk/TRAFFIC-COSTUME-ACCESSORY-NOVELTY-ORANGE/dp/B07DL5X6P5/ref=asc_df_B07DL5X6P5/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=343229092041&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1096171951784141611&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9041128&hvtargid=pla-696403679187&psc=1">Amazon</a></figcaption></figure>Why should I wear this?<ul><li>You’ll definitely get attention.</li><li>You can block off men who are trying to ‘steal yo gurl’.</li><li>When you leave the party, cars will let you cross the road.</li><li>A drunk student will carry you home.</li></ul>Scare Rating — B minus<h1 id="dd21">D) Two-Person Pantomime Cow</h1><figure id="4553"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*p2gM0eJWWrR7Jk2I1cmIFw.jpeg"><figcaption>Am I the front? Or the udder one? — Photo: <a href="https://abccostumehire.co.uk/cow-2-person-farmyard-black-white--animal-hire--rental-deluxe-panto--mascot-costume-14521-p.asp">ABC Costume Hire</a></figcaption></figure>Why should I wear this?<ul><li>You can bond with a parent, sibling, lover, professor, child, pet, or business partner by dressing as a cow together.</li><li>You can break the ice at the party by getting strangers to milk you.</li><li>You can randomly “moo” when someone you don’t like is talking.</li><li>If there’s a girl at the party who is complaining about her boyfriend, you can comfort her by saying “how dairy!!!”</li></ul><h1 id="0f07">Until Next Year…</h1><figure id="65a8"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*9Abwdo9B9OJYcVWf7fY6eQ.jpeg"><figcaption>“Look, I know it says cat on my ID, but I’m a bat…I swear!” — Photo: <a href="https://unsplash.com/@nika_benedictova?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Nika Benedictova</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/s/photos/halloween?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure>Ready to scare people more than a Netflix serial killer documentary? I know I am.Halloween 2022 is going to be the best one ever! But only if you follow my expert tips in this article:<ul><li>Sing a spooky song as you wipe your butt with leaves from a houseplant.</li><li>Throw as many decorative eggs as you possibly can at as many kids as you possibly can — the fatter the better.</li><li>Dress as a pantomime cow with a chum so you can scare people into milking you.</li></ul>So, what are you waiting for? The Halloween parties are only a few weeks away and all the chickens on tractors costumes will have gone!As for me…I’m off to decorate my eggs.Trick-or-trick bitchez!!!!</article></body>

Halloween Humor

How To Scare The Sh*t Out Of People For Halloween

Boo! I’m the ghost of Medium writer past — and I want a follow back!

**When you die of stress, but your boss won’t stop hassling you** — Photo: Sabina Music Rich on Unsplash

October is upon us, my beautiful readers, and that can mean only one thing — girls dressed up as slutty truck drivers.

Oh, and Halloween of course.

Are you struggling to come up with ideas to scare people with this year? I know I am. Then again, my parents often say my life choices scare them, so I think I’m doing pretty well so far.

October 31st is the day we celebrate being on edge and fearing for our lives when Uncle Jim shouts “Boo! Ya little shit!!” as he jumps out of a pumpkin — drunk on whiskey.

We get candy for it though, so it’s okay.

Anyway…here is my spooky list of things to do to give people crippling anxiety.

You’re welcome.

Spooky Songs

**When you and your mate have NOBODY to go to the party with. God, I’m funny.** — Photo: Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Want to scare people but want them to have fun as you do it? Well, why not add a bit of music to your scaremongering?

Here’s one of the verses I made earlier (I am actually writing it as we speak, lol)

Oh, I do love Halloween It’ll make you want to scream You’ll have feces in your pants And you’ll have to wipe it away with leaves from your mate’s houseplants (houseplants, yeah) So, get out your costume and ya pumpkin So, you can give an apple to a fat little munchkin

Oh man, I’ve got a tear in my eye.

I’d better wipe it away with my mate’s houseplant…

Trick or Trick?

**Bad dental hygiene is very scary!** — Photo: Tom Roberts on Unsplash

Doesn’t it suck how people expect you to be nice and give them a treat?

Like is trick or treat even a question? Trick is a lot more cost-effective.

Trick or Trick is a fun, alternative game you can play if you don’t feel mainstream enough for trick or treat.

Here’s how the game goes:

Buy a basket full of eggs from any local chicken.

2. Decorate your eggs at home with fun and playful patterns — mine for example has a big picture of Kristine Laco playing the bongos.

3. Make sure your house/apartment/caravan has plenty of pumpkins on show.

4. Wait until nightfall for all the trick-or-treaters to arrive at your place.

5. Listen out for your spooky doorbell to go and then answer the door.

6. Yell at the children to keep off your property and you’ll call the cops if they ever come near your place again.

7. Remember your decorated basket of eggs? — Well start throwing them at every child you possibly can.

8. Repeat every year until you die of loneliness and depression.

Have an EGGcellent Halloween :D

Make sure you get a good violent egg crimes defense lawyer if you do this by the way.

Costumes To Die For

**The undead like fairy lights too ya know…** — Photo: Kenny Eliason on Unsplash

Halloween wouldn't be the spooky spectacle it is without the lovely costumes on show every year.

Wouldn’t you like to be a little bit different though? Stand out from the crowd a bit?

Luckily for you peeps, I’ve made a snazzy list of the best costume ideas for Halloween 2022.

Be prepared to be the coolest person at the party with these awesome outfits to make people sorry they forgot you existed.

A) Ketchup Bottle

**If you like to be held and squirted at social events — snap this bad boy up now!** — Photo: HalloweenCostumes.co.uk

Why should I wear this?

You’ll always be near the food.
If you get punched and start bleeding, nobody will notice.
It’s a great talking point with sauce lovers.
People who don’t like Ketchup will be petrified.

Scare Rating — 7

B) Chicken on a Tractor

**“Who’s the farmer now?!”** — Photo: Cosmopolitan/Getty Images

Why should I wear this?

People will finally take you seriously.
Women love a chicken who drives.
Instead of making awkward small talk, you can just bwark and cluck all night long.
You can make more eggs to throw at trick-or-treaters.

Scare Rating — ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! That was hella scary.

C) A Traffic Cone

**When you’re the only one at the party because you closed all the roads** — Photo: Amazon

Why should I wear this?

You’ll definitely get attention.
You can block off men who are trying to ‘steal yo gurl’.
When you leave the party, cars will let you cross the road.
A drunk student will carry you home.

Scare Rating — B minus

D) Two-Person Pantomime Cow

**Am I the front? Or the udder one?** — Photo: ABC Costume Hire

Why should I wear this?

You can bond with a parent, sibling, lover, professor, child, pet, or business partner by dressing as a cow together.
You can break the ice at the party by getting strangers to milk you.
You can randomly “moo” when someone you don’t like is talking.
If there’s a girl at the party who is complaining about her boyfriend, you can comfort her by saying “how dairy!!!”

Until Next Year…

**“Look, I know it says cat on my ID, but I’m a bat…I swear!”** — Photo: Nika Benedictova on Unsplash

Ready to scare people more than a Netflix serial killer documentary? I know I am.

Halloween 2022 is going to be the best one ever! But only if you follow my expert tips in this article:

Sing a spooky song as you wipe your butt with leaves from a houseplant.
Throw as many decorative eggs as you possibly can at as many kids as you possibly can — the fatter the better.
Dress as a pantomime cow with a chum so you can scare people into milking you.

So, what are you waiting for? The Halloween parties are only a few weeks away and all the chickens on tractors costumes will have gone!

As for me…I’m off to decorate my eggs.

Trick-or-trick bitchez!!!!