How to Run Away and Still Get the Girl

James Alexander, PhD, TSSF

I was eighteen (almost nineteen). I guess some would say I was a sight to behold. I came from a poor family and wore some pretty pathetic clothes. It was 1975, and I had most definitely been a part of the hippie scene in Kansas City. My hair hung near my elbows. At least, I was clean.

How had I found my way here? Here being Central Missouri State University. My dad asked me to leave our home when I was about sixteen. He just couldn’t put up with the drugs, rebellion, and counterculture ways anymore. Please don’t judge him. I don’t. I was born in 1956. He was born in 1909. Two different worlds.

But, after being homeless for a few months, I threw my lot in with the Jesus Movement — evangelical, rebellious, hippie Christians. I lived in the Christian commune for about a year. Spent my time street preaching.

Then, somehow, I patched things up with my dad (I ate a lot of crow — and rightly so). I moved back home. But now, eighteen.

I had quit high school. My girlfriend tutored me and helped me pass the GED test. Then, on a total whim, I enrolled in Penn Valley Community College. I attended for 2 years. Then what…?

Well, the girlfriend (one I was very attached to, I might add), dumped me for a graduate assistant teaching her biology class. I was devastated. Lonely. Pissed-off. I felt deserted.

So, not knowing what else to do, here I was at a Campus Ministries meeting in September at Central Missouri State University. So much had happened since I was sixteen. So much water under the bridge. I really didn’t know who I was.

Then, I did. I saw her at the campus meeting. A girl. Sitting across the room. I swear to God, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. She lit up the whole room. Then, I knew why I was there and who I was. I was the guy who was going to get that girl.

Now, I’m not pretty, mind you. I wasn’t then either. Dressed sloppy. Looked indigent. Thirty pounds overweight. I knew this was going to be a hard sell. I swear, you may not believe in such things. But it was love at first sight.

I was broke. I really don’t know where I got the guts. But, after the meeting, I walked across the room, right up to her, and asked her if she wanted to go out for some coffee. Shocked beyond belief, she said sure.

Well, there was a problem. I didn’t even have 50 cents for coffee. So, I told her I was totally broke. I asked her (was I out of my mind???) if she had any money. She told me she did. I then asked if she could pay. Yep. She said she would.

Great, I was on a roll. Problem one solved. Now, hmmm, problem two. I stammered, “Umm…I don’t have a car…”. In fact, I didn’t tell her, but I didn’t even know how to drive.

What a mind blower when she said, “Oh, I’ve got a car. I can drive.”

Wow, I wondered, Were there higher powers in the Universe at work here?

I can’t recall the car. But the odds are high that it was the Maxi Taxi. That was a car her dad had built on a Volkswagen chassis. It was fiberglass. Sparkly green. Looked like a dune buggy. And, for a guy still 87% hippie, damn embarrassing. VW Bugs were more my thing. Standard hippie issue.

But she loved it. She called riding in it, “Bopping in the Taxi.” I didn’t know at that point that we were destined to spend a lot of time together (probably not what you think at this point), but my friend Robert would always say, “Oh, here is Herman and Lilly!” when we pulled up.

What did we talk about on that coffee night? I have no idea. Don’t think I ever did. I got her name, Irene Schaeperkoetter. She told me she was an elementary education major. Said she was student teaching in Kansas City. All I really know was that here I was, with this girl (did I mention she was the most beautiful girl I ever met in my life?) and I really couldn’t believe any of it.

I pinched myself to make sure I was awake. I was. Now you probably won’t believe it. But I knew. I was sure. I was in love. I knew that I was going to have to marry her. I knew I couldn’t live without her. She wasn’t just beautiful outside. She was 100% special.

Then, she was gone. Back to KC for 10 weeks to student teach. She came back to campus a few times. I tried to see her whenever I could. But I wasn’t the only guy interested, and I think she had some interests of her own.

At last, she finished her teaching and came back to the college for the final semester. I knew I had to work fast. I tried occupying her every spare moment. She didn’t protest. She actually — surprising to me — seemed to like my company. In a few weeks, we were best friends.

Now, the religious group we were a part of didn’t really believe in dating. Or and holding hands, kissing… well you take it from there. It was marriage or nothing. I knew Renski (a name I made up for her) treasured my friendship. I also knew that she had no romantic feelings towards me whatsoever.

So, I did the only thing I knew to do before she got away. I know, it sounds crazy.

I told my dorm roommate John that I was going to just come right out and ask Renski to marry me. I think he thought I was nuts. But I called her and told her I had something of the utmost importance to tell her. She was probably worried about me. She said she would be right over in her CAR (remember she has one) and pick me up.

When I realized what I had done, I thought, Oh no! Don’t do it. I told John I would call her right back and tell her not to come.

“Oh no!” he said, “You have decided to do this, and you are going to do it! You called her and told her you had this most monumental thing in your life to say. I’m sick and tired of watching you lost in a “Renski Haze” every day. Time to fish or cut bait! You’re doing it!”

Just as promised, here she came. We went somewhere. I didn’t even know where it was. She kept waiting for this big deal. I just said, “In a bit.”

Back in her car. I asked her to stop along the side of the road. I thought. Well, what the hell! Here goes! Also, thinking this was a really bad idea!

“Ummm, Renski?”

“Yep”

“You know how sometimes things are just meant to be?”

“Yeah. I know what you mean.”

“Do you???”

“Sure”

(Now I thought. I’m on a roll!)

“Yep! Sometimes the Almighty just calls folks together,” I said.

“That really does happen sometimes,” says she.

“To deeper relationships…”

“Absolutely!”

I must admit, I felt I was close on this, but I was also rapidly chickening out. Then it hit me! I’d get her to ask me! Brilliant idea, James! So, I said,

“Renski, what am I trying to say?” (Holding my breath!)

She says, “James, I haven’t the slightest idea what you are talking about!””

I don’t know where it came from, but it just came out on its own.

“Renski, I’m in love with you and I think we should get married.” Then, for good measure, I opened the car door, shouted, “You think about it!” And ran away as fast as I could.

Then nothing. No phone calls. No coffee runs. It was over. How could I have been so stupid.

Then, one day, the phone rang. It was Renski. She said she needed to see me now. She didn’t offer me a ride. Well, I guess she has had it with me, I thought. Time to “pay the piper.” I sucked up all my courage and trekked over to her apartment.

I don’t recall how we got in this configuration, but somehow, I was sitting on the floor, looking at her (did I mention that she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen?). So, she takes a deep breath and says:

“James you are the best friend I’ve ever had. I want to marry you. I want to spend my life with you. I love you…”

In life, you win some and you lose some. I’ve lost lots. But, what the hell, I guess I’ve won lots too. But never did I win in life like this again. I guess I don’t need to. It still amazes me.

So that is the story. Took place in Warrensburg, Missouri forty-eight years ago. Still best of friends. And, yes, she is still the most beautiful girl in the world!