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Abstract

Balefully it looks at me, eyes full of vice

While at this end my blood turns to iceWhat do you want? I ask, through tears & snot Coz if it’s food, an insect I am notShelter & safety, I can provide neither You’ll be better off, somewhere otherI try threats, I try begging, I try pleading But no matter what I do, it’s not budgingI won’t be going to work today, that much is clear My enemy knows, I hold my precious life dearAn excuse I’ll need to cook up, some sort of hazard Can’t say it’s coz of my bathroom, its occupied by a lizardWho knows how many a minute has passed, or how many an hour? Contemplating each other intensely, both our gazes going sourShoo, shoo, shoo! I say helplessly, waving my hands all around While he seems to say to me, “Is there a chicken here to be found?”Of all the ways I cou

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ld die, I think, my life flashing before my eyes Felled by a lizard in a bathroom! Damn, it’s not even my sizeI need a miracle, I need a rescue, I need a prayer I need something to guide me, even a soothsayerRooted to the spot, I finally open my eyes again Hallelujah, it’s moved! It’s on the other side of the paneSaying my thanks, giving my gratitude, I move in a hurry To close the window tightly shut, absolve myself of worryI’d rather battle a dragon; I’d rather face off with a witch Anything else is fine, but a lizard puts me in a stitchThe job’s done, now I can take a breath of relief I survived doomsday with the minimum griefSurvival is key, coz now I can say with pride No matter what comes my way, I can now abideAnd that is how my friends, I became a wizard At the obscure and subtle art of Relocating a Lizard</article></body>

How To Relocate A Lizard

A Terrifying, Funny Poem

One fine morning, a summer day as warm as can be I step into the bathroom, and what do I see?

Front and center, staring me down A lizard! Big, fat, a creepy shade of brown

Rotating its head around, left to right I’m frozen to the spot, I’m all out of might

It’s got my exit routes all mapped out Its gonna be him or me, a one-on-one bout

Will it jump at me? I thought, channeling my perspicacity Calculating distance, probability and muscle tenacity

Balefully it looks at me, eyes full of vice While at this end my blood turns to ice

What do you want? I ask, through tears & snot Coz if it’s food, an insect I am not

Shelter & safety, I can provide neither You’ll be better off, somewhere other

I try threats, I try begging, I try pleading But no matter what I do, it’s not budging

I won’t be going to work today, that much is clear My enemy knows, I hold my precious life dear

An excuse I’ll need to cook up, some sort of hazard Can’t say it’s coz of my bathroom, its occupied by a lizard

Who knows how many a minute has passed, or how many an hour? Contemplating each other intensely, both our gazes going sour

Shoo, shoo, shoo! I say helplessly, waving my hands all around While he seems to say to me, “Is there a chicken here to be found?”

Of all the ways I could die, I think, my life flashing before my eyes Felled by a lizard in a bathroom! Damn, it’s not even my size

I need a miracle, I need a rescue, I need a prayer I need something to guide me, even a soothsayer

Rooted to the spot, I finally open my eyes again Hallelujah, it’s moved! It’s on the other side of the pane

Saying my thanks, giving my gratitude, I move in a hurry To close the window tightly shut, absolve myself of worry

I’d rather battle a dragon; I’d rather face off with a witch Anything else is fine, but a lizard puts me in a stitch

The job’s done, now I can take a breath of relief I survived doomsday with the minimum grief

Survival is key, coz now I can say with pride No matter what comes my way, I can now abide

And that is how my friends, I became a wizard At the obscure and subtle art of Relocating a Lizard