How To Raise Wild, Awesome, Adventurous Kids

The basics? Just back off and let them be kids!

My kids’ knees are a map of the adventures we’ve had this spring. Black and blue circles spread out towards scabs and scratches that are punctuated with mosquito bites.

When we brought them home from the hospital as babies, I remember looking at their perfect skin and thinking, “Enjoy it, kid — it’s never going to look this good again!” And, as expected, I was right. Since the moment they were born, our kids have found ways to bump, smash and scratch every inch of skin on their bodies.

We have two kids, a nine year old girl and a three year old boy. They are far from perfect and our house is far from idyllic. But one thing my husband and I seem to have done right is to help them become brave, bold adventurers.

We’re not rich, so our adventures aren’t exotic safaris or trips around the world in a sailboat.

But we do the best we can to find fun in parks, lakes, rivers, beaches, mountains and anywhere in between. Both kids ski, paddle, ride bikes and hike. They aren’t afraid of rain, cold, wind or snow. Do they love every hare-brained scheme my husband and I come up with? Nope. But they’d rather come along for the ride than get left behind, so up the trail, into the water and down the hill they go.

Becoming a parent isn’t the end of an era

When I became a parent, I thought my days of adventure had come to a screeching halt. No longer could I make a last minute decision to do a multi-day hike or blow of work to catch a sick powder day on the mountain.

In some ways, I was right.

What I’ve come to realize though, is as much as I loved my solo adventures of yesteryear, it’s actually pretty awesome to see my kids start to master skills that I didn’t even work on until I was in my 20s. Sure, my kids are their own people, blah blah blah, but they are also my greatest science experiment and the most intense project of my life.

I love coaxing them to test their limits. Helping them learn to assess a risk or find a solution to a predicament brings me a rich satisfaction that didn’t know was possible before I had kids.

Last winter, when my little 3 year old ripper skied his first black diamond ski trail, I was seriously stoked. Not pretend stoked or ironically stoked, but real, 100% fuck yeah motherfucker stoked. My heart was pounding as I skied behind his little two and a half foot frame, watching him check his speed as he pizza-french-fried his way down.

Kids are born to be adventurous

Raising your kids to be badass, huckers and rippers isn’t magic. Basically, all kids have an inner adventurer inside of themselves. As adults, we spend too much time hushing that little voice that tells kids to take the jump, ride the rail, push the limit.

We tell them not to run, not to climb too high, not to fall or slip and when they hurt themselves, we rush to pick them up, kiss them, cuddle them and prevent them from falling down again.

As a result, kids become fearful, delicate and scared. Then they grow into fearful, delicate, scared adults.

And of course, fearful, delicate, scared adults raise their kids in the same manner. It’s a cycle that’s hard to break. But I believe anyone who’s brave enough to try can help their kid stay strong and tough.

Brave parents raise brave kids. And being brave is a decision, not a fixed, inherited trait like curly hair or dimples.

Kids Aren’t Fragile

Once you commit this phrase to your mind, heart and soul, it will become much easier to watch your kid swing upside down from that tree branch.

Sure, go to any news website and you can find articles about horrific injuries that happen to kids. But trust me, they are rare.

Kids’ skin heals quickly. Their bones are flexible and strong. They can go for many hours without a snack and can survive wearing wet sandy clothes even if they are hot and itchy.

Something I often observe is parents hot-footing around to relieve a child’s slightest discomfort. Hungry? Instant snack. Sticky? Pack of wet wipes. Microscopic scratch? Neosporin and bandaid.

It’s so sweet of all you parents to be so concerned about your child’s moment-to-moment happiness. But by never letting them suffer through any of the many challenges that life has to offer, you are undermining their mental toughness.

Yes, it’s inconvenient to have a whining kid, or to see your kid melt down in the parking lot. It sucks. Super sucks. But you are not a bad parent for letting them work through a reasonably difficult situation. If there’s gushing blood or a serious safety concern, sure step in. But if your kid is howling mad because her shorts are wet or her balloon popped — don’t go too crazy trying to fix it.

Understand the different types of fun

Type 1 fun is anything that is fun while you are doing it. Dance parties, trick-or-treating, jumping on a trampoline are in-the-moment, laugh-till-your-belly-hurts, never-want-to-stop fun.

Type 2 fun is anything that isn’t fun until it’s over. Long hikes, hard exercises, or cold, windy bike rides can be miserable while you are doing them. But when you finish and you roast marshmallows over a lovely, warm campfire — you look back and feel happiness and joy about the adventure you just completed.

A lot of adults don’t understand this, so it’s definitely hard for kids to understand. Your kids need you to push them to do things that are difficult and challenging. Trust me, they are capable of it. They just might not jump for joy when you suggest it.

This spring, we had a lot of cold, rainy days, which kept a lot of people indoors.

But we have an energetic dog who doesn’t care about the weather. So rain or shine, we often take him for a three or four mile hike in our local town forest. This spring we headed out in torrential downpour a few times. With the right boots and jackets, we were able to stay mostly dry. What I noticed though, was when we all got back in the truck after the hike, everyone was elated. Soaked and muddy, we were all laughing and joking for the whole ride home and until we went to bed that night.

Sometimes I hear parents say that their kids don’t want to go out and play. Yes, true, they don’t. But as parents, it’s our job to send them out anyway. Nobody wants to have type 2 fun. But nobody every regrets having it either.

Stop lying to yourself: screens aren’t good for kids

Yikes, I know you might not agree with this. In fact, I know a lot of people believe that screens are good for kids. There are awesome apps that teach reading, math, compassion, empathy and the list goes on.

But listen, I’m a parent and also a high school teacher. Guess how many of my students have gone on to be video game designers, drone operators in the military or you-tubers? Z-E-R-O.

Sure, you can quote this or that study that shows how certain video games promote brain development or improve hand-eye coordination. But from what I’ve seen, screens are the great distraction. They prevent kids from learning to ride bikes, from going outside, from trying to catch that bug or chase that bird.

Once year, I had my students build little model buildings out of cardboard. One Minecraft-obsessed student was very confident he would be successful. But then he struggled to rip the tape off the tape dispenser and didn’t understand why his single strips of tape, lightly pressed onto the cardboard, weren’t enough to hold it up. Despite his many hours building things in Minecraft, he didn’t know how to assemble a simple structure in real life.

If your kids have easy access to screens, they will probably choose to watch, swipe or click. But you have the power to change that. Smash, hide or sell them(screens, not kids). It might be rough at first, but billions and billions of people have grown up without video games. Your kids can too.

Adventurous Kids Raise Adventurous Parents

In the end, remember this: Your kids are already awesome. It’s your job to help them stay awesome. It takes courage and guts, but you can do it.

Yes, you might have to see a little blood. And there will be crying. Maybe some complaining and definitely some whining. Other parents will gasp when they see you let your kids walk the hand rail like a balance beam or jump across the stream that’s a little too wide.

But in the end, when your kid finds their sense of fun and adventure, you won’t regret any of the band-aids or ice packs.

And when you see your kids head out for adventures — you just might find yourself wanting to join in. Just be prepared. You can still get skinned knees too, remember.