Summary

The article outlines strategies for fostering independence and a strong work ethic in children by setting a good example, encouraging self-reliance, and providing motivation through both external rewards and internal satisfaction.

Abstract

The article "How to Raise Hardworking and Independent Children" emphasizes the importance of instilling independence and self-reliance in children from an early age. The author, a parent of eight, advocates for leading by example, suggesting that children become who their parents are, not just who they tell them to be. The article stresses the need for parents to be honest about their shortcomings, show hard work in action, and apologize when they make mistakes, thereby earning their children's respect and cooperation. It also highlights the importance of teaching children to work and allowing them to make mistakes and learn from them, rather than doing tasks for them. The author suggests that while external motivation is useful initially, the ultimate goal is to help children develop intrinsic motivation by experiencing the satisfaction of their own accomplishments. The article concludes with encouragement for parents to be present and involved, emphasizing that providing children with opportunities to work for what they want prepares them for a successful and independent life.

Opinions

The author believes that children should be taught to be independent and self-reliant from a young age to become a blessing rather than a burden.
Parents should model the behavior they wish to see in their children, as more is caught than taught, and the old saying "do what I say and not what I do" is considered ineffective.
It is important for parents to be honest about their own shortcomings and to show their children how

How to Raise Hardworking and Independent Children

Three secrets to making everyone's life better

I get asked all of the time how I manage eight children. The secret is that I don’t. I have spent my children’s earliest years laying a foundation of independence and self-reliance so that they will be a blessing and not a burden. I have modeled to them how to work hard and then got out of the way. They will fail, oh they will fail, but dear parents have grace. The fruit of well-taught children is priceless.

Be who you want them to be

If you close your eyes and imagine what type of adult you want to raise, what do you see? Now open your eyes and be that person. The truth is they will be who you are. More is caught than is taught, and the old-fashioned saying do what I say and not what I do is a farce.

Your children will know you better than you know yourself, so be honest with your shortcomings. They don’t need you to tell them how to act; they need you to show them.

Being someone worth emulating takes sacrifice and discipline. The results are also not instant. Just keep working on being the best version of yourself, so you are giving a good model for your children to follow. Apologize when you blow it. This is how you earn their respect and compliance.

Your children can be excellent, but they will never arrive at perfection, and neither will you, dear parent. The mission is to continue to work towards being the best version of you.

Work yourself out of a job

Children are not puppies. When you get a person or dog as a baby, they are both dependent and helpless. While they grow, a dog will always be dependent on you, but a child will not. The goal here, dear parent, is to work yourself out of a job.

Sometimes it satisfies our deepest heart to feel needed. This can lead to doing more for a child than is good for them. The truth here is that it’s not about you and your sentiment. It’s about them and their well-being.

From my children’s earliest ages, I have both taught them and showed them to work. I also held them accountable to complete the work. And this part, I am getting ready to share is enormous:

Be okay with them not doing a job perfectly.

I see so many parents hurt themselves here. They don’t like the quality and immature work that their children do, so they do it themselves.

In this, you are robbing your child of not only independence, efficacy, and a good work ethic, but also robbing yourself of the real help that you will need in the future.

We didn’t start out doing perfect work either. Someone gave us the room to grow and get better. Remember that we all have to start somewhere. As long as they are working to the best of their ability then be okay with their work.

Let go of the image of the perfect home, and the need to be in control. Care more about the real person of your child than you care about the outward image you present.

Motivate them

This is always the next question that I am asked. How do you get your children to work? How do you motivate them to do the work to get to the place where they are independent, hardworking, and productive. To understand that, you first need to understand motivation.

There are two types of motivation, and they are intrinsic and extrinsic. While you are teaching your children to work hard, a lot of the motivation will be external. As such, I offer a lot of rewards. Some may call it bribery, but I call it understanding human nature.

Image by Rudy and Peter Skitterians from Pixabay

For the past week, we have been working hard with trying to teach my eight-year-old to ride a bike without training wheels. He had no motivation. After many days of him riding with training wheels, we finally took them off. We told him if he can ride by himself, he can get himself and all of his siblings a treat on the way home. Guess who was motivated to ride his bike independently? Our eight-year-old did the entire loop of three miles almost independently when he had the external motivation to do so.

The goal is to transfer the outward to an inward desire. A young and immature child will generally not want to work past what is naturally comfortable, but the external motivation will cause them to.

Once they complete a task that requires external motivation, they realize how much efficacy they developed, and they feel good about themselves. They feel smart for riding their bike or enjoying a clean room that they cleaned themself. This will provide them with inward motivation. They will want to do that again. Dear parent, this is the making of a hardworking and independent child.

Final Thoughts

I have had years of this daily learning through homeschooling my eight children. I could write on this forever, I don’t want to bore you so I will end here. My final thought is to have the self-control not to spoil your child. Don’t provide them with things beyond the basics that they have not worked for. Life is work, and the sooner your child learns to work for things they want the better off they will be.

I am writing this now while my children are all cleaning the house and getting ready for our camping trip tonight. They need little direction from me because I spent years implementing the training I have listed above. Their current ages are 14,13,12,10,8,5,4 and 1.

If I can do this with my great big gaggle of children, you can too. You don’t need to be perfect, you just need to be present. Be encouraged, you are not alone! One day at a time, you’ve got this.