How To Put Your Life Back Together
Practical advice for overcoming difficult times.
It’s been a challenging year, to say the least.
And, it’s not over yet.
We’re still mindlessly scrolling through twitter to see if there’s any news about the current state of the world, we’re still writing the next New York Times Best Seller, while working on our 3rd glass of wine, which is all to say, it’s hard to see the end of this.
So many people have entered new chapters of their lives during this time.
We’ve got high school grads, college grads, there’s couples who have gotten married, couples who’ve had to postpone their wedding, people have started YouTube channels and side hustles, in contrast, people have also lost jobs and had doors close on them when they least expected it.
Wherever you currently stand, if you feel like you’re in a place of struggle mentally, physically or financially — perhaps you’re dealing with a lot of anxiety right now, I want to share a bit of advice and resources to help you put the pieces back together.
Whenever you’re ready, keep on reading.
How To Deal With $$$ Probs
The fact of the matter is, everybody is struggling right now. I’m not going to try and act like I understand exactly what you’re going through, but I will say this:
In the last four months, I’ve lost my job, had unexpected medical bills that have amounted to be over 6k, had my car break down… twice. (not fun) and had my credit score drop a whopping 67 points.
I’ll admit, my credit score and car situation was the peak of my stress, 1. I don’t know anything about cars, and 2. I used to pride myself on having a good credit score.
Look, I’m no financial advisor, nor am I an expert on saving money. I used to live paycheck to paycheck, and the only knowledge I have about money is this:
“How determined you are determines your outcome.” — Jen Sincero
When I first moved to California, I brought some clothes, and 2 books.
‘The beautiful and the damned’ by F. Scott Fitzgerald and, ‘You are a badass at making money’ by Jen Sincero.
This book taught me a lot about money, but mostly it taught me that the universe will always send you what you need. It wants you to succeed, it wants you to grow and blossom and shine, ‘it’s the law of nature,’ says Jen Sincero.
But first, you need to set yourself up for success, and prove to the universe that you have what it takes. You need to be ruthless with yourself, because as you start to climb the steps towards creating something of value, you’re going to start battling a lot of subconscious beliefs that you’ve never really faced before.
Every fiber of your being is going to remind you of the debt you’re in, of the fact that your bank statement says you’re nearing the negative zone, and you’re going to need to crush every single doubt you have if you want to make it.
My favorite example that Jen gives is:
“My bank account is a cavernous pit of emptiness and sorrow should become My bank account is wide open and ready to receive.”
Look, you’re probably reading this and saying, “you’re not actually giving me any viable advice on how to make money.”
But I am.
You just came here expecting me to tell you how to whip up a few grand out of thin air.
I can’t tell you that, it’s not going to happen, I wish it was, trust me, I’d be first in line to read that article.
I can provide you with some helpful and practical guidelines, sure.
If you’re struggling with your debt right now, you can change how much interest you’re paying. And, the lower your rate is, the faster you’ll be able to pay everything off. Call your bank, ask what assistance they can offer you or if you can transfer all of your debt to a zero-interest credit card.
Better yet, a lot of creditors are being pretty understanding right now. Call them and ask for a better interest rate.
My partner called his bank, and they were able to lower his monthly payments, it helped a lot.
I read a tip by Financial coach Whitney Hansen, and she suggested putting your credit cards in a mason jar, filling it with water, then sticking it in the freezer. You’ll still have access in an emergency, but you’re blocked from temptation spending.
So, you could do that, and it could be extremely helpful in the present moment, but what about later?
Wouldn’t you rather establish habits that could allow you create a passive income?
If you want to create wealth, you need to master the mindset of choosing to think about money and your relation to money in a way that will make you rich.
Consciously focusing on creating wealth will arrange the energy around you and open doors you shut yourself off from when you were just focusing on paying your bills rather than growing and evolving.
“We all have the ability, through our thoughts, to harness the power of the universe.” — Jen Sincero
How To Deal With Loss (Relationships, Loved Ones, Jobs, etc.)
Loss right now feels different from the ones that hit during normal life. Here’s how to work through a very surreal kind of grief.
Don’t wait to mourn.
According to the Coronavirus Death Toll, 523,231 people have died so far.
If you’re someone who has lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you. I understand it’s hard, and frustrating that you can’t gather for burials or hug your own family or say goodbyes in some cases.
Funerals are important, getting closure is important, but giving yourself permission to mourn and having a personal ritual can help you process your heartbreak.
Find your community.
You’re not alone in this. Whether you’re sheltering alone, or simply feeling lonely, find your tribe. Network with other people, social media is a powerful tool that can help you find your community.
Losing your job hurts — it’s okay to admit that.
Whether you loved or hated your job — it’s okay to admit that you’re sad. Losing your job sucks, COVID, or no COVID that job put food on the table for you and your family, and it can have a profound effect on your emotional well-being.
However, dealing with the emotional aspects of losing your job can keep you from moving forward.
You’re entitled to feel crappy about the situation. Take the time you need, rant about it, cry about it, etc. Then, put your big girl pants on and redirect your focus.
You need to determine how long your financial resources will sustain you; you’ll need to figure out whether or not it’s in your best interest to stay within the same field, or perhaps it’s time to move on and make a career change.
Whatever path you decide on, remember that your determination is what will determine your outcome. A job lost could just mean another opportunity waiting for you.
Tips To Help You Feel Like You Again
Your mental health is vital.
Everyone reacts differently to stressful situations, and what may help some people — may not help you.
It’s important to give yourself grace and control what you can control.
Losing a job will make you feel out of control.
Chaos can make you feel out of control.
You’re in control of your thoughts; you can choose to focus on the positives or focus on the negatives of the situation. Yes, times are hard — but life moves forward, and you need to make sure that you’re strong enough both mentally and physically in order to keep up with the change.
1.) Create a morning routine that you can stick to that will allow you to start your day off feeling happy and balanced. (i.e., journal, write down your affirmations, have your morning coffee, do some yoga/meditation.)
2.) Be mindful of the media you consume. (i.e., avoid negative news channels, twitter feeds, unfollow negative accounts on social media, don’t check your phone the minute you wake up.)
3.) Identify what it is that you do that makes you feel energized and happy. (i.e., reading a good book, writing, watching old movies, taking a walk.)
4.) Create a clean and healthy environment. (i.e., tidy your space, declutter your closet/pantry/fridge.)
5.) Create a plan. (i.e., daily to-do-list, have ‘YOU’ time, monthly budgets, plan career goals, side hustles.)
These are just a few of the things that have made me feel like me again.
They stopped me from feeling out of control to some semblance of having my life together. Not every day is perfect. It’s not a cure-all to the stress that life brings at us, but they are practices that I put into action daily. Even now, these five things are what helps me feel like I have gotten a handle on the chaos.
Bottom Line:
While 2020 has been rough, it doesn’t need to end on a weak note.
You don’t need to feel like you’re stuck in a rut, repeating the same day over and over again like its Groundhogs Day, you’re not Bill Murray, and you’re 110% in control of your thoughts and attitude.
Life may get crazy and hectic, but your mind is the one thing you will always be able to control. Embrace life and all its challenges, learn from them and move forward.
