How To Pursue Love With 5 Simple Ideas

It’s abundant, it’s everywhere. So why is it so difficult to accomplish?

Nobody knew it would be him the next guess.

The audience never knows who’s next. As if it was an endless breath, everyone was waiting impatiently.

Usually, the staff prepares every detail like it would be the last session, the last interview, the last conversation with a deep friend. And this one was special.

Then suddenly, a man with a long white beard came to the stage. People almost got out of control. They know this man. He’s a very well known and reputable entertainer. A lovely character.

He’s someone who left a lot of nostalgia in the past, and who had the courage to return on stage, but in a more frank and honest format than ever.

He doesn’t like the applause. Probably won't have the patience anymore.

Anyway, he starts by saying he doesn’t remember who long he has been married. Too long, he says. He’s an old guy, now, with a 12-year-old son. But he argues they have both the same age.

The audience laughs.

Then, this old white beard man made a pause and starts talking about the place they were in. A theater.

He starts to explain that normally they name a theater to a dead person. Yet, this theater, where they are at the moment, is very often used by the community and fortunately was named to a living person.

The host called his name, and an old, very old man came on stage. “ Nate Holden came on out “. Nate slowly walks out, and the crowd stands a lovely and honest ovation.

Nate fought racism all his life, and now have his name remembered for ever.

The first genuine and altruistic moment of that night. Too much love on a person that gave so much to that particular community, shared on stage, by this famous host. A beautiful gesture. The old man, Nate Holden, returned backstage.

Silence…

The famous long white beard host stops and ask:

Does anybody have any idea who’s gonna be here with us tonight?

The audience says: No

I think you’re gonna love my next guess, says David Letterman.

His name is Jay-Z.

1. The Brutal Honesty

We, Europeans, didn’t have the privilege to live and feel the power of hip-hop like Americans did.

But personally, I had the honor and luck to watch the best athlete ever born on planet earth, playing live on TV. His name is Michael Jordan. And somehow, MJ had this special swag that represents a certain pop cultural era in the USA.

Somehow, in Europe, we lived this culture of NBA stars and hip-hop idols with a certain admiration.

I remember hearing Tupac and Eminem.

I remember I wanna be like Mike.

So, listening to Netflix’s episode of Dave Letterman’s interview with Jay-Z, for me, was something unique.

I knew for a long time that Jay-Z was a different person. A very intellectual guy.

But listening to this incredible honesty of words between these two gentlemen, was something precious.

That conversation between David and Jay was anything but emotionally powerful. A lot of complicities and hard stuff to say in public, but at some point, it just went out.

With all the crazy and frenetic lives both of them had, there was this brutal honesty in words, that made me feel so moved.

At some point in the conversation, it felt like they were confessing to each other their in-depth pains and frustrations. But also, sharing their peace of mind.

Somehow they did manage all of it. And the beauty in its absolute version was that they accomplish everything through love.

To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.- Arundhati Roy

2. The Most Complicated Skill Is To Be Simple

I gambled on having the strength to live two lives, one for myself, and one for the world.- Ruth Benedict

I’m 44 years old. Until now, my life was a bunch of complicated plots. Some of them involved me directly, other times involved my family.

I think it was the result of my lack of experience in life, but also my ignorance.

Lack of experience

When we are young we want to conquer the world. Especially because we want to be the best version of our heroes. We project ourselves in their image and try to imitate all the movements and actions idols do.

“True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost.” Arthur Ashe

At a certain point in your life, when you acknowledge all the cycles of life, you stop. You don’t want that illusion anymore. You know it was a process, a journey, a single track that had to be done, but it’s over.

Now you start the enlightenment era. You want to find your true self. You want to be genuine.

Ignorance

As you stop being the image of your hero, you start looking inside your mind. Sometimes it’s a scary moment, right?

So many years looking to what others would do, and judging them. Trying to imitate them. And suddenly you decided to stop and turn yourself into the best version of who you really are.

However, do you know who you really are?

Ignorance about your genuine self is something very common. You see and know people that without warning, they start to transform their way of being, into a completely different version of themselves.

Probably the real version. The genuine one.

Yet, that’s a leap to the unknown. Having the courage to look deeply inside of your self, is an act of discovery, courage, and ignorance.

You were so focused on your hero's version, that you forgot who you really are. You forgot what are your thoughts, your tastes, your beliefs.

So, you start a new journey, from a complex world to a simpler one. You stop projecting yourself in somebody else and walk to a harder path.

Discovering your true self.

3. Real Love Is Able to Awaken Your Soul

In this path to the depth of your soul, you find old stuff, old habits, old lessons, that somehow were gone for so long.

You start smiling and longingly remember your past. The genuinely good things you did in your growth process start to emerge. Simple moments, simple gestures, cause life was a simple way of being.

Neuroscientists have discovered that when someone recalls an old memory, a representation of the entire event is instantaneously reactivated in the brain that often includes the people, location, smells, music, and other trivia. Recalling old memories can have a cinematic quality. Memories often seem to play out in the mind’s eye like an old Super 8 home movie or vintage Technicolor film, and this new research explains why.- Christopher Bergland

These cinematic qualities Christopher explains are somehow the return of our real self to our origins.

For different reasons, we decide to focus on certain paths. For prejudice, by influences, by external motivations, due to constraints, whatever was the real reason, you followed that road. Never looked back, until the day you did.

Tim Denning wrote one of my favorite articles about rewriting our human software:

Our evolutionary software we’re given at birth is like running on Windows 95 if you don’t change it. Your default operating system tells you when to be fearful, forces your survival mechanisms to operate, and encourages you to be comfortable like Homer Simpson. Survival software is good. What about if you want to experience what it’s like to live, though?

4. Never Be Ashamed Of a Scar

David and Jay.

The tough conversation. The hard questions.

The big white beard man enters into hard ground with Jay. Asks him about his youth journey on selling drugs. Asks him about his dad's gone when he was 11. Asks about living in Marcy Projects houses in the suburbs of New York City.

Tough questions.

However, when you are in peace with yourself, you speak freely.

When you’ve passed through all the painful experiences and had, fortunately, found art to express yourself. Letting everything out with fabulous poetry. Somehow you cure yourself of your past.

Jay lies in peaceful mindfulness.

And the way he honestely talks about his hard times, with an absolutely free spirit, was somehow moving to me.

Living in a black community. Surrounded by injustices, racism, violence, and all that shitty world, made him the man he is today. Made him write so many lyrics, so many songs that represent millions of voices.

“I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol Foes that want to make sure my casket’s closed Rap critics that say he’s “Money Cash Hoes” I’m from the hood, stupid, what type of facts are those? If you grew up with holes in your zapatos You’d celebrate the minute you was having dough I’m like, “Fuck critics” you can kiss my whole asshole If you don’t like my lyrics, you can press fast forward”- 99 problems, Jay-Z

5. Freedom Is Nothing Else But a Chance To Be Better

After David Letterman’s interview I stayed quiet for a while. Turned off the TV. I needed to reflect on what I had just seen.

This two men are absolutely free. And they conquer their freedom through love.

Through absolute and unconditional love.

Arundhati Roy was always wright.

To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty to its lair. To never simplify what is complicated or complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget.

Jay know’s it. He figured out how to achieve absolute freedom by forgiving.

And we can only forgive with love. Absolute and unconditional love.

Is it simple? No.

It seems simple.

Yet, there is no other way to find love, but forgiving, understanding, respecting and never, never to forget.

Thank you