How To Properly Choke Your Partner During Sex

Practical tips for mind-blowing breath play

One of the most popular sexy kinks is choking your partner — or being choked.

But breathplay comes with dangers, both for your physical safety and your relationship. Not only can you unintentionally damage your partner’s throat or brain, but in the most severe cases, you can also cause accidental death.

Relationships can thrive from good, kinky sex or suffer from poor technique, lack of clear consent, or misunderstanding of how human bodies work.

That’s why it’s so important to know how to properly choke your partner during sex.

Not Everyone Likes To Be Choked

Everyone likes different things during sex. Some like rough sex, others like softer, more gentle sex. A lot of people like a mixture of both.

Even those who enjoy kinkier sex branch out into hundreds of subgroups based on individual preferences and tastes. That is to say: not everyone likes to be choked. Not everyone that’s into BDSM likes choking, not everyone in college, not everyone in the swinger lifestyle.

And that is perfectly ok.

The main takeaway here is to talk to your partner. Ask your partner what they like or don’t like. Always get very clear consent about choking (or any other sexual activity).

Ask if they like to choke or be choked. Share your preferences, too. This is not the time to be shy.

One or both of you may never have experimented with choking. That’s ok, too. Talk openly, experiment, and then decide for yourselves if choking is something you want to include in your relationship.

Why We Like Choking During Sex

Choking is technically a form of erotic asphyxiation (EA). According to Healthline.com, choking produces two distinct sensations:

1. Lightheadedness
2. Exhilaration

The first thing choking does is reduce blood and oxygen to the brain. This often causes a lightheaded, dizzy feeling. Secondly, when choking loosens or stops, the rush of blood and oxygen to the brain results in an explosion of happy brain chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins.

Some people say that choking produces stronger orgasms. For those doing the choking, the act is a form of domination.

Dr. Herbenick, a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health, conducted a research study called CHOKED:

We found that 21 percent of women had been choked during sex as had 11 percent of men. We also found that 20 percent of men and 12 percent of women had choked a partner. But choking during sex was much more common among 18–29 year olds — almost 40 percent of whom had choked or been choked — leading us to believe that choking has really changed in the U.S., over probably the last 10–20 years.

Why the spectacular rise of choking? Dr. Herbenick believes increased exposure to porn has normalized choking.

How To Find Out if Your Partner Likes Choking

The first, obvious way is to ask. Respect whatever they say, as that’s how healthy relationships work.

However, they may like to be choked sometimes or under certain circumstances. They may enjoy different types of choking. Other partners may have never experienced choking.

If your partner is open to choking, here are a few simple steps you can take to ease your way into the kink:

1. Discuss boundaries, safe words, and safe gestures.
2. Gently place your hand around their throat.
3. Watch your partner’s reaction. Sometimes people respond viscerally and primally to even the appearance of choking.
4. Gently squeeze the sides of their neck.
5. Ask if your partner likes it. Wait for a response. Since you are constricting their airway, you may get a nod or other previously agreed upon safe gesture to continue. However, your partner should still be able to speak. If not, release pressure.
6. Slowly increase pressure on the sides of their neck.
7. After sex, discuss how the two of you felt about the experience.

Communication before, during, and after choking is paramount. You may discover new depths of kinkiness in your relationship.

3 Types of Choking

There are actually three main types of choking. You or your partner may enjoy one, two, or all three kinds. All three kinds are intended to be consensual, agreed-upon sex acts.

• Light choking — This is gentler choking and the most common version of the kink.
• Strangulation — This is rougher choking that blocks airflow and can be dangerous if done wrong.
• Prop Choking — This is choking with a prop such as a piece of cloth or cord.

There is no better or worse form of choking. As long as choking is consensual, practiced with clear boundaries, and performed with affection, respect, and trust, then any form of sexual choking can be amazing.

7 Tips for Better Choking

Now that we’ve covered the basics of choking, let’s talk about enhancing the kink. Properly choking your partner can be extremely sexy.

Here are seven tips to make you a choking superstar:

Take a class

Yes, you can get trained in proper choking techniques. Choking can be really dangerous, so if you want to make this kink a long-term part of your sexual lifestyle, take the steps to get yourself educated.

In a class, you learn the anatomy of the neck, a variety of techniques, and how to safely choke your partner.

You can Google “kinky sex training” to find the best online classes, or look for a class near you. It’s important to vet the trainers, training, and feel comfortable with the training environment.

Here are a few websites to explore for online courses:

• BeEducated.com
• Sexconsultants.com
• Kinky Sprinkles
• SunnyMegatron.com
• Timeout.com

Don’t start with a strong grip

I can’t overemphasize how vital it is to start gently — especially if this is your partner’s first time experimenting with choking.

If you jump in with a crushing grip, you can startle or even injure your partner. I probably don’t have to tell you how much that kills the sexiness of the moment.

Don’t put pressure on the front of the neck

The front of your neck is not built to handle the full weight of another person. You could end up damaging your partner’s windpipe, leading to breathing problems and an emergency medical situation.

Focus on the sides of your partner’s neck, just below the jawline. This is where the carotid arteries control oxygen-rich blood flow to your head and brain.

Gently apply pressure in a slow pulsing or throbbing pattern

Avoid constant, prolonged pressure on your partner’s neck. Better to try a paced cadence of gentle squeezes to see how your partner reacts. Each squeeze may last from 3–5 seconds.

If that works for the two of you, then you can try out longer squeezes but tread carefully.

Don’t choke for longer than 5–10 seconds

That brings me to my last tip. I would recommend that you choke for less time at first, and perhaps gradually extend the length of your chokes. However, I wouldn’t go loner than approximately 5–10 seconds of constant pressure.

Your partner might pass out on you.

Reverse choke from behind

Once you get comfortable with front-facing choking — during missionary position sex or cowgirl or cowboy position sex — you may want to try reverse choking your partner from behind.

Imagine your partner in front of you on all fours as in the doggy-style position. As you stand being them or penetrate them from behind, reach your hand around and gently squeeze their neck.

Know how to revive your partner if they pass out

If your partner does pass out, it’s helpful to know what to do. Thankfully, Medlineplus offers some practical advice:

1. Contact 911 if your partner doesn’t wake up within 60 seconds.
2. Regularly check your partner’s breathing and pulse.
3. Perform CPR.

Don’t slap your partner, throw water on their face, or put a pillow under their head.

Final Thoughts

Personally, I find choking hot AF. I definitely recommend that you talk about it with your partner, try out different sexual positions, and explore all the pleasurable possibilities of breath play.

As always, be safe. Be respectful. Be present.

Thanks for reading!