How to Prepare for the Perks and Perils of Perimenopause

Ride the hormonal wave toward cronehood with grace and dignity.

I flew into an inexplicable rage over something seemingly important this morning.

My kids were recipients of my short yet intense outburst. I didn’t expect to be so upset and felt remorseful.

After I apologized, I said aloud I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Then I corrected myself. I certainly do know what’s wrong.

I’m in the throes of perimenopause, the transition leading up to menopause. It lasts an average of 4–10 years and affects most womxn in their 40s-50s. Some begin as early as their 30s. I showed signs at age 39, right before the birth of my first daughter.

Yes, that’s right. This stage can last up to a decade. Then we get post-menopausal changes afterward. So this is why my crone friends talk about our power and strength. Oh, how we trudge through with fierce grace.

Have you seen the photo of Helen Mirren floating around the Internet?

The accompanying mission statement on aging grabs me by the gut and compels me to own my power. She’s in her late 70s and looks close to my age (I’m 47). She’s empowered to move through life with such great force, I can’t help but pay attention.

Can you imagine what she was like during menopause, behind closed doors? Her intensity must have matched some of her movie roles. She’s come out on the other side, glowing and purposeful. I’m determined to float downstream on my journey. Drama, be damned.

Intellectually, I know it’s all normal. At least most of it can be expected. I’m growing older. My body’s going through a natural process. Emotionally, I don’t know what the hell is going on most of the time.

Perhaps I need to stabilize my moods and rebalance my hormones with vitamins and herbs. I know of some herbs, but I’m still breastfeeding my youngest child. Some remedies can be unsafe for children. Until I stop nursing my daughter, I’ll have to ease my symptoms with lots of sleep, exercise, ashwagandha, and as much time alone as possible.

Time alone is essential because frankly, I’m a raging bitch out of the blue for about 2–3 weeks at a time. No, really. I’ve never acted out like this before. I’m unreasonably angry. How dare they dribble granola on their placemat or splash a little water near the sink. Oh, the horror of dealing with such awful predicaments.

Seriously, though. I need to chill as much as possible. I make no sense sometimes. There are days I’d rather ride this out by myself than risk further damage. But alas, I have to stay around to parent my children. Wish me luck.

What exactly are the perks of going through perimenopause?

I’m not sure if it’s the hormonal shift or my age, but I’m speaking up for myself like never before. Perhaps it’s a little of both. Going through such an intense rearrangement of my mind and body brings me to present-moment awareness more than ever.

Being tired makes me wary of misogynistic bullshit men throw my way. I’m tired of playing games, like pretending it’s ok to objectify me. I no longer feel obligated to uphold any absurd beauty or behavior standards held for womxn in my culture.

I’ve tolerated too much in the past. It’s about time I stood up. I’m not only tired, but I’m also growing in wisdom and knowledge. As a crone-in-training, I feel like my role encompasses guide and leader for the younger generations. We’re a part of a larger tribe, showing others how to own their power and speak their truth.

I’m confident and self-assured, honest, and brave. I recognize these innate qualities enhanced with time.

Then there’s the rest of the world, giving me formidable challenges left and right. We grow in strength because we’re going to need all we can muster.

No one told me anything about menopause or what precedes it.

I only knew I would eventually stop getting periods in my 40s or 50s. I’m nearing 48 years old and still haven’t skipped any periods. The emotional changes preceding menopause feel unmanageable some days. Although I’ve had some physical changes, I’m most concerned with these unbearable mood swings.

If you’re in transition like me, you might feel unstable as well. Moodiness can be hard to gauge since life is filled with plenty of ups and downs anyway. Perimenopause affects everyone in unique ways.

Here are some perimenopausal/menopausal signs and symptoms, followed by a few possible remedies to smooth out your ride:

•Moodiness/Irritability

•Changes in menstrual flow

•Hot flashes, anxiety/depression, headaches, and heart palpitations

•Skin changes, like acne or psoriasis

•Sleep disturbance/change in sleep patterns

•Lowered libido/vagina dryness (oh, joy)

•Breast tenderness, body aches, nerve pain

•Low iron levels

•No periods for 12 months = menopause

Not everyone has these textbook symptoms. Some of us might have a few or none. Others have them all, en force. We might only have sporadic incidences. We could wildly fluctuate from week to week or with each passing month.

Our bodies are magnificent works of art. They’re also messy and unpredictable.

A word about gaslighting

I’ve heard countless stories of doctors’ misdiagnoses, followed by telling patients they don’t have the symptoms of perimenopause. A doctor misled a friend about her iron levels. At one point, she had multiple tests that never concluded she had perimenopause. They led her to believe she had a breast cancer risk and a possible heart condition.

I’ve noticed changes for eight years. Despite my mom being a medical professional, she didn’t believe I was going through it. I’ve had two womxn practitioners confirm my perimenopausal symptoms, which brought me some reassurance. Otherwise, I’d have felt like I was losing my mind.

What’s going on here? Why are so many medical professionals not up to speed on the process of menopause? And why don’t they believe the patient? Regardless of gender, medical practitioners need to provide accurate assessments and a reasonable standard of care for womxn at this stage.

I speculate some of this comes from discrimination and stereotyping as our mothers and grandmothers experienced, and the generations before them.

Doctors used to diagnose womxn with mental disorders like hysteria when they expressed their emotions. It’s no wonder they still don’t believe us when we tell them about normal physiological changes.

We need to be our own best advocates.

Since we have the perk of being confident and assertive in our advanced age, we can advocate for our needs with a vengeance.

I used to be nervous about speaking up and out. I started to feel small every time someone doubted the validity of my claims or disagreed with me.

I’m kind of over that now. I know my body better than anyone. I’m in touch with my intuition. So when I step forward into unknown territory, I’ll ask for what I need. I need health care professionals to listen and accommodate me.

Don’t let anyone bully you into thinking you don’t feel what you’re feeling.

If you believe you’re going through the stages of menopause, they’re obligated to provide adequate resources and treatment.

How do we treat perimenopause?

There are a few things you can do to find relief.

Nature’s in full force. One thing you can do is allow the process to unfold. I know it’s probably not the answer you wanted. But acceptance is a big part of navigating mid-life changes.

If you’re truly miserable and need to improve your well-being, there are remedies you can try. Thankfully, Nature also gives us plenty of medicinal plants and lifestyle changes to offer a smoother transition.

Holistic remedies:

•Ashwagandha, don quai, ginseng, and evening primrose oil, and black cohosh*

•meditation, yoga, mindfulness practice

•regular exercise

•adequate sleep

•counseling/therapy

•support groups/social circle (connect with your tribe)

•natural progesterone creams, Vitex

Conventional methods:

•IUD for regulating periods

•Hormone Replacement Therapy

*Black cohosh and evening primrose are not indicated for use during pregnancy or breastfeeding. I’m not an expert and can’t give medical advice. Please contact a health care professional before taking any herbal supplements.

Final thoughts

Perimenopause is real. No, you’re not losing your mind. It can feel like life is going to chew you up and spit you out. But it’s temporary. We’ll get through it.

Advocate for your needs. Own your power in relationships. Embrace your new role of guide and wise leader. When you feel overwhelmed, ask for help. We are in this together.

Let’s stay in touch. You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, or my personal blog at gratefulx365.wordpress.com. Submit your amazing stories and follow my Medium publication, Gratefully Yours. Email me at [email protected].