How To Pick A Partner With The Similarities That Matter
The similarities you should never overlook and the ones that aren’t as important as you think
Looking for similarities in a potential partner because you believe the more you have in common the less likely you are going to have problems, may not be such a foolproof idea. That is if you don’t focus on the right type of similarity.
All relationships will face one problem or another but what can make a great difference is a particular type of similarity you share.
The similarities that are not as important as you think
Critics of dating sites' match-making algorithms have long since pointed out that the focus on similarities of personality alone is a major flaw of the system. Most especially as major, large-scale studies have shown that similarities of personalities account for only 0.5% of relationship satisfaction.
The similarity that really matters
For long-lasting, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships, the most important area of emphasis should be the area researchers call “meta-emotions”.
Meta-emotions are your emotions about emotions. Simply put, how you feel about your feelings and the feelings of others. For instance, say you are upset because your food is a little overcooked, and then you feel guilty for getting upset because you remember there are people who don’t even have anything to eat -that feeling of guilt you are having is a meta-emotion.
Meta-emotions are your emotions about emotions. Simply put, how you feel about your feelings and the feelings of others.
People who are able to recognize and understand these meta-emotions find it easier to resolve disagreements when they occur. This is a great asset in relationships. Not to mention, the ability also enhances the capacity to form strong, healthy bonds.
Meta-emotions are so important for the longterm that a mismatch here could lead to problems down the road. For instance, when one partner believes emotions are helpful and need to be recognized and shared, while the other thinks emotions are unproductive and so is often dismissive of them. This kind of divergence can cause havoc in the relationship and needs to be worked on.
This kind of divergence can cause havoc in the relationship and needs to be worked on.
On the other hand, when couples are matched, they are free to recognize and explore not only their emotions but the emotions of each other and to positively respond to them. This way the partners are assured that they are being heard understood and valued which, leads to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
So how do you feel about emotions? Do you feel they should be embraced and discussed and validated or should they be bottled up because dwelling on them is unproductive?
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And no, Juana Flor I’ve no idea how it feels to kiss an ass but I’ll take your word for it. 😄
