Become The Ultimate Mediator!

How To Persuade People, And Win Your Arguments

Acquire the sleight of hand to leverage dominance in any communication scenario.

The warm-touch, the soft voice, the kind stare, the peaceful smile — what do all of these have in common? Well firstly, all four of them are a part of something I call delicate etiquette.

I know right!?

Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Manners maketh Man?” I’m sure you might have seen the movie called “The Kingsmen.”

People who pride upon their gentleness as well as their male bravado. Aren’t they just sweet and attractive at the same time?

Bold but not brash, Confident but also courteous — The best of both worlds.

All of us regardless of our attire desire to be noticed. Even if we don’t initially want attention, we always aspire to it from those that we want in our lives.

We have a preference when it comes to attracting our significant other. Be it a friend, lover, or even an acquaintance. We want them to acknowledge our presence.

Because deep down, you and I — all of us are the same. We require attention, love, warmth, and care. And thus we establish a need to pursue such goals in life to fulfill our dreams.

Let’s take a close look, at how we can acquire persuasion using the most practical way while winning people and arguments at the same time.

Story Time

When I was young, I took a great interest in being with people. To me they were like a goldmine of perspectives, just ready to be mined. My grandfather was a wise man, in the village, I grow up in. He was known for his gentleness as well as his calm attire.

He was a loving, generous, and a level headed man. In my youth, I have never even seen my grandfather ever get into an argument with anyone and lose.

He somehow always was able to turn any situation around. I like a little munchkin would never leave his side. So I had an opportunity to learn from people far wiser and gentle than me. I had great role models, to observe and visualize these fascinating techniques of persuasion.

Things that I used to mediate conflicts and inevitably solving them to create an environment of peace and prosperity for all.

1. Keep calm, and listen to each side of the story.

Arguments at their core, always have a positive, negative, and neutral side of the story.

But wait there’s more!

There are views, points, and opportunities for us to take advantage of when concerning such matters.

My grandfather would first stay calm, his body language would be peaceful as well as it would resonate a feeling of understanding. This would allow him to take the lead, and let the others who were in an argument come to a stall.

This is why when it comes to fueled arguments, you have to take a step back and just pay attention to what is bothering each side.

Remember to not intervene unnecessarily, try to see whether they are mindful about you touching each of them. When I say touch, look for their eye movement as well as their body language.

If it’s stiff, use your words to calm them down. The best way to go about that is to ask them a simple question. Ask them about themselves, or their name, or something that relates to the argument.

You’ll pick it up when you listen to each one of them earlier on. Improvise as needed to streamline each conflict that either side is focused upon. It will help you resolve it in the next point.

2. Find a way, to push them to sit down together.

The role of a mediator relies heavily upon your ability to resolve conflicts. If you’ve followed through and have each party’s undivided attention. Look for ways for each party to come to a clause.

My grandfather was a clever man. He would sit those gentlemen together, and ask from each one whether they wanted to eat or drink something. All that talking would have caused a severe parchment. So he would ask someone to get some tea and biscuits for each individual.

The reason why he did, what he did was because a person on an empty stomach doesn’t necessarily have the energy to listen. So using food as a placebo, he would increase engagement among each party.

This would push each party to come to a dialogue rather than a fight earlier on.

Call it a strategic tactic, or a gentleman’s etiquette — this works. I have personally used this to mediate hundreds of fights in my life. And it always works.

Plus the biscuits were amazing, which I really enjoyed at my grandfather’s side. 😝

3. Use yourself as the bridge of reconciliation.

Regardless of whether you had a role in the initial argument that started the disagreement between the parties. As a mediator, you have a responsibility to extend a hand of friendship between each party.

But how would you do that?

Well, it’s simple, you will apologize.

Yes, you will extend an apology on behalf of each party to one another. And see what happens when you do it. Remember it's not about your ego or the egos of each party.

As a mediator, your primary role is conflict resolution without casualties. If you have made them come to dialogue, you can personally be the bridge of reconciliation.

One thing I’ve seen in my lifetime is the best thing that appeals to people’s emotions is warmth.

People are like mirrors.

Extend a hand of warmth and they will reflect the same. You can do all just that, in a matter of minutes by just being a mediator. You don’t necessarily need to know them for years to do that.

You only need to listen to their (a) body language (b) reason for conflict. And you’ll be set to create a lucrative strategy that heals that broken relationship.

Or create an opportunity to generate one.

If each party dismisses your invite, well then you have a clear opportunity to persuade each party to extend the hand.

Now, this is where it gets tricky.

4. Use a strategic advantage(you only need one), by gaining their confidence.

What would be the most logical way of mediating a conflict? Well, that’s simple if you can persuade one side to agree to end the conflict, chances are the other if persisted enough can also commit to it.

Most of the time, no side wants to continue the conflict. It is a waste of energy from either side. Because when the anger disappears, and the tension kicks in. Each side would try their level best to try to decrease the increasing stress that comes from conflict.

This is true in any case, of conflict there is. Some things are bound to run out, be it morale, energy to fight, or holding up a conflict. It’s nature’s way of settling the score.

My grandfather would find a way of gaining the confidence of at least one party. Because then he would know when to ask the question.

“What do you want now? Where to next?”

It’s a simple question.

Now pay attention to what each party says because it will help you seal the deal for good.

It asks each party what do they really want and what’s their next move. Most of the time, people don’t really plan when it comes to small arguments.

They have a “let's go, we’ll deal with it later or when it arrives” mentality.

But in doing so they never are fully prepared to deal with it. They are never ready. And we all know going into a battle unprepared is perhaps the most foolish mistake one can make.

History has been really cruel to such people, who made such grave errors in underestimating their enemies when in combat. “General Custer at The Battle of Little Big Horn” is often regarded as one of the most egotistical people when it comes to the subject of overconfidence.

Moral of the story: Bad managerial decisions that cost lives at the hands of overconfidence. Charging into battle without a solid plan can end badly in either party’s case.

This is why always try to have a plan in mind when you aim to argue with someone. It doesn’t need to be flashy, but you just need to have your wit in a row.

Study them, beforehand so that when you do debate each other.

You have a solid idea of who or what the other person is and thus you can strategize a way at coming to terms with them if things do get out of hand.

Be optimistic, and be realistic by not letting that happen. Sow the fear of inevitability and the unnecessary baggage that comes from it.

Trust me nobody wants that. Nobody.

And you will have arrived one step closer, in persuading each party to come to a truce.

5. Make each party concede to a truce by pushing towards a mutual resolution.

This is perhaps the hardest and the easiest of processes. It usually depends on the temperature of the room and it could get high pretty quick.

And then all of a sudden it could dial down as well.

It highly depends on the role of the mediator to sow seeds initially in the arguments that need to take growth now.

Remember that everyone desires peace in their life.

And no one really wants to hurt the other, without getting hurt in the process. This thought frightens everyone. This can necessarily happen when you’re gearing in for a confrontation that may or may not lead to a bloody brawl.

In any case, do not let your fists fly.

Use your words first. There are other options besides violence.

Violence is never the kindest option. It doesn't solve anything except knocking a few teeth in the air. And I certainly respect the years-long braces I had to keep them aligned.

In no way, I would jeopardize that long hard struggle to only end in me losing my wisdom tooth. 😉

Remember that all arguments have an equal opportunity of being resolved if you motivate each party to its ultimate best.

In short, it's a test of persistence in the advent of your consistent efforts of peace.

Usually, if the first person initiates the act, chances are with due diligence and a few embraces here and there. The other person will also initiate it because then they wouldn’t have any reason to fight the other anymore.

It’s the basic human psyche. When you steal the reason they were angry at you and serve them a sincere apology. It becomes harder for them to not resist peace.

When they focus on mediating it, try to push them to a consensus to hug it out. Use stale humor where needed, sow seeds of laughter.

Maybe add, “why don’t you guys kiss and make up?”

You don't need to be rude, only adjust the atmosphere; where needed to make them feel good about themselves. After that, they won't have any reason to prolong the fight any longer.

And you’d have won the battle even though it was never yours to fight. And each party will be on their merry way. An argument is now resolved, but there is something more that you can do to avoid future turmoils between the same parties.

It can happen, and it might. Be wary.

You can mitigate that by carefully suggesting an instance of friendship to the party you convinced earlier, of whom you gained their confidence.

Give them a reason to befriend the other party. When there is a bridge between them, why not establish trade with one another and create an economic relationship that benefits each other in the long run.

When there is an opportunity for mutual growth, why not make today’s enemy an ally for tomorrow.

Keep that in mind, the next time you see them.

6. Embrace each other, and plan for future growth.

When all is said and done. And you have achieved your goal.

Well, now what?

The next best thing you can do is to create an opportunity for each party to play an active role in each other's life. When the other party finally leaves.

Go to the party whose confidence you initially won.

Sit them down, and talk about future growth with them concerning their newfound friend.

Remember that your enemy today could be your most trusted ally tomorrow. And if you put extra effort into understanding them, there is a high chance they’ll become your diehard friend.

This is true in any form of resolution there is. And I have seen many people who became good friends even though they met through an argument or a fight.

I would advise as a gesture of good faith, to visit the other person after a day or two. Connect with them, and when you visit them. Bring something for them, something that they might like. Or perhaps buy something to eat together and just talk it out.

Be patient, kind but most of all understanding.

Show them empathy and show them that you’re here for them.

This is what my grandfather used to. One thing that I learned from him was that each resolution presents an opportunity. And if you’re willing to try it out, chances are the other party would reciprocate the same.

Who doesn't want peace, love, and harmony?

Just imagine the possibilities, you can definitely see it. Don’t you?

And it all started with a simple argument, that you analyzed, improvised, and won over. People will always remember what you made them feel, and this is the opportunity that you need to take a hold of to make that happen.

Afterward, well who knows? The future is still yet to be written but I believe you now have the perspective to change it for the better.

I’m hopeful that you can, and you will. ❤️

Peace.

The Takeaway

Remember to implement these 6 things to execute the most of this technique:

• Keep calm, and listen to each side of the story.
• Find a courteous way, to push them to sit down together for a dialogue.
• Use yourself as the bridge of reconciliation.
• Use a strategic advantage(see who listens to you more clearly, use them), by gaining their confidence.
• Make each party concede to a truce(sow the inevitability of loss in each party, as a result of the conflict) by pushing towards a mutual resolution(a win-win agreement, mostly a heartfelt apology from each side — push them to hug one another, as many times as you can so that the negative energies die down, you’ll know when).
• Look towards the future for mutual growth, and introduce the possibility of a friendship between the two.

You got this, in the bag, and be hopeful towards the future of possibilities that await your arrival in the future. Persist and it shall be known.

Stay Safe, No Worries, and Be Happy!