How to Overcome The Need to Do Nothing

Learning to lean in and reflect

On Saturdays, my best friend goes to church. And once more, I am reminded of how sad it feels to be alone.

I spend my moments reading or searching for some connection again. I have found out something about myself in the last few years, just how much I crave connection with others. Walking into a room feels almost inviting when the possibility of connecting with another person hangs in the air.

I find myself holding my breath in these open spaces; maybe the last few years with that pandemic have made me skittish. I breathe out into a room where we no longer have to wear masks and smile.

This time, I try not to put on a fake smile that screams, “I’m trying; please be my friend!”

Or……….. “I’m not good at small talk, but do you want to know more about how our brain handles trauma?”

The answer I want

I don’t know their answer, but sometimes I assume it’s no. Because that is the answer, I want to hear. I want to be told no when I approach new friends and situations, so I can run back to my therapist and tell her I tried.

That’s my favorite thing to do, try just the basics, fail purposefully, and then feel good about trying in the first place.

These are my toxic traits.

I dance slowly with my failures and reminisce about them like fond memories. This process is not healthy, but it allows me to understand why I failed.

What I have learned through this process is how to create a better strategy to move forward.

You know the old phrase, “There is no try, just do.”

I have taken into consideration how it leads to self-growth.

Why is understanding our failures a good habit of having on our journey toward emotional healing?

What do we do with the correct answer?

Neuroscience will tell us how our brain forms new neuro-pathways while we learn how to develop better habits.

But how do we transition that information into practical knowledge? And why is it important?

When my best friend goes to church on Saturdays, my brain goes into a mini-panic about filling that gap in my connections. I run scenarios on when I’ll find another close friend or ask myself the dreaded question, “will I ever make new friends?”

My brain traveled along those previously established pathways and found the ‘turn left’ sign missing.

It panics; this is normal.

Lately, I have started reciting a mantra whenever I feel it panicking from a lack of people.

“Today is an excellent day to journal and grow more as a person.”

“I am not alone on this journey, nor am I without support.”

“Today is a great day to learn more about myself.”

After reciting this mantra for the last few months, I have begun to calm down on Saturdays or moments when I have to be by myself.

Our brain takes time to create new pathways, but it’s up to us to help make sure it’s creating a healthy path to better habits.

Leaning in and growing

When I started writing in my life, I understood the importance of the process. I know that not all days will feel like writing days, and the structures that I put in place now will help me when the depression and the anxiety hit me like a drum.

Our approach the growth has to be the same. We must create processes for when our mind decides we are the enemy and remember to use them.

In a world where there is so much hurt and unhealed trauma, we must begin to heal ourselves and take the next step to true self-improvement and healing.

Let us lean in on the process of healing and growth.