avatarTavian Jean-Pierre

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How to Overcome Rejection as a Writer

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Rejection is something none of us wants to face, but it is a reality of life. I will never forget the first time I got rejected at seven. After attending football trials to get into a team, I thought I made it. But on the way home, my mother let me know the coach said I am not ready to play at that level.

My first reaction was to blame the coach. I told my mum that I saw the coach not looking at me enough, leading him to come to his conclusion. And we still often do this as adults. We place blame on others when we get rejected to push the feeling of rejection away from us.

Second, I pointed the finger at my current environment. Besides, it was not my fault that I had no one to train with me. Plus, I did not have the newest football boots or the best football to practice with. So, it makes sense why I did not get in.

I threw the quote, “A poor workman blames his tools”, out the window. Instead, I thought about every single one of my tools that could have held me back. It felt great finding excuses on why I did not get into the team. And it made me feel comforted for a day or two. Until I had to face the fact that I was not good enough.

Rejection makes us feel unwanted, and it closes the door to an opportunity we worked hard for. Some of my lowest moments in life have come from rejection. And once we experience it, we never wish to come across it again.

That is another reason people avoid doing things that might put them in a place of rejection. Such as creating new ideas or applying for a tough job. As a writer, I have learned to become comfortable with rejection. After applying to many publishers for my book. Plus publications on this platform, I have had to develop a way for dealing with rejection.

One thing that has helped is acknowledging that there are benefits to rejection. Not only does it teach us good things take time, but it also allows us to re-evaluate our efforts. In doing so, we can bounce back from rejection stronger than the person we were before it.

But it's hard to understand how to bounce back from it. There are no practical steps outlined apart from “get feedback and do it again”. It is not bad advice, and you will see it is still part of my three steps to overcoming rejection as a writer. But we need more than that.

So, here are the three steps I try to take once rejection has occurred. I am not picture-perfect, so sometimes I do sit down and sulk. However, this method has worked for me, so I hope you can get something from it too.

Step 1: Detach Yourself From Your Writing

It is natural to be biased towards the creative work that you produce. In fact, you must be biased towards your completed work. It shows that you have a level of self-confidence within yourself, and you are proud of the work you do.

But this bias towards our work can also cloud our judgment. The psychological effect of False consensus causes us to think that everyone shares our views. For example, you may assume that because you like chocolate, many people you come across should like it too.

So after we have edited our work and made sure everything is as perfect as we could get it. We form this subtle bias in our minds that tells us that surely anyone reading this will like it because you did. However, we know that is not the case. And we are smart enough to understand that people have opposing views on everything.

But this is not at the forefront of our mind when we are submitting our work. We rather think positively and hope that the editor will like it. So, when it comes back as a rejected piece of writing, our bias is proven false. And it hurts.

Not only because it shows that not everyone agrees that our writing is good. We can get over this quickly. But it also makes us feel strange for liking our writing when it is not up to standard. Imagine being the only child liking ice cream. You would feel odd and probably not eat it in front of anyone. The same goes here.

Yet still, it is essential to understand that the writing is the problem, not you. The bias places a lot of emphasis on your opinions and beliefs. So when rejection comes, it feels like you have been rejected. When in reality, it is not you the editor has a problem with at all.

So, I often detach myself from my writing by saving it on my computer titled, “What do you think of this?” or something along those lines. Then, I wait a week or two and continue to read and write as per usual. After that, I open up the file and read it as a fresh piece without any of my unconscious biases at play.

This often works for me because I am a bit more critical of my old writing. That is because I know I have improved since then, so I look at it with fresh eyes detached from it. Also, having the time away from it to heal from the rejection helps me see the positives of rejection better.

Step 2: Get Better Feedback

Getting feedback is one of the ways we can begin bouncing back from rejection. Whether that is asking for interview tips from a job you did not get or asking an editor to tell you how you can improve. Feedback is an essential part of the re-evaluation process to becoming better.

But it can sometimes be challenging to get better feedback as a writer. More often than not, I have found myself in the position of having feedback with nothing to do with it. Unfortunately, few people take pride in giving it. And some do not have the time to highlight it effectively.

So, to get better feedback, I have used Google forms. Depending on what you want, you can use these short and attractive forms to ensure you receive the answers you need.

By asking questions like, “Where did you lose concentration?” Or “Were any points unclear?” will give you a better understanding of how readers feel about your work. I never let readers know I produced the writing either. This way, it takes any bias they would have towards me away.

I have found that sending sections of my writing rather than the entire article incentivizes people to read it and get back to me. It is a respectful way of letting people know you do not want to take up too much of their time.

Also, making the form have more multiple-choice responses ensures people are more inclined to fill out the entire form. Questions like, “what would you do to make this better?” are good but take a lot of time and thought. So, readers may be less inclined to answer the question.

Finally, consider using WhatsApp to distribute the form. Only because people who have your numbers are more likely to want to do a favour for you. Present the message in a way that makes them feel that their response is needed and essential.

I do this by sending a personal message rather than broadcasting the form. It makes it more personal and gives the person a sense of responsibility to get it back to you.

Step 3: Rewrite the Piece for Fun

When bouncing back from rejection, I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to prove something to my rejecter. I made it my duty to show them what they were missing out on and why I deserved more respect.

It was all well trying to prove myself, but I think it did damage my self-worth. After being rejected your self-worth should not plummet. Self-worth is an appreciation for yourself and the value you believe you bring to the world. Not what your rejecter thinks of you.

So, I stopped rewriting my piece, driven by this need to prove something. And instead, rewrote it for fun. And when I say for fun. I mean without the intention of resubmitting or even putting the article back out into the world.

This is not always possible because I sometimes need to post something to remain consistent. But when I can, I practice this ritual of writing to overcome rejection.

This way, I gain a silent victory within myself. I prove to myself that I can bounce back from rejection without acceptance from someone else. By doing this, you build confidence in your writing and do not fear rejection. Alternatively, you see it as a way to grow within yourself.

I hope you have enjoyed this read and have learnt something about overcoming rejection as a writer. Let me know if you do anything different to bounce back. I would love to hear so I can develop my step-by-step process.

Writing
Life
Life Lessons
Self
Self Improvement
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