How to Overcome Poor Self-Worth and Set Yourself up for Happiness

Happiness is achieved by working on it.

The relationship that one has with one's self plays a major role in determining the quality of one's life.

Much of our happiness and contentment is tied to how we perceive ourselves. At times we can get overwhelmed by fixating on things that aren't in our control but that's completely normal.

How we deal with that state of uncertainty and vulnerability is what determines the quality of our self-esteem.

Let's discuss what we can do to positively deal with those bouts of insecurity without letting them have power over us.

Don't expect others to provide the love that you don't have for yourself

Lack of confidence often stems from expecting others to make you happy. But the problem is that this tactic satiates our hunger for being wanted for a week or two, and once the newness of the relationship wears off, we fall back into the same depressive patterns.

This happens because we try to fight our internal battles with external forces which hardly ever works. It’s like trying to paint a crumbling building instead of fixing its walls.

This holds true for any relationship that we choose. It can be a romantic or a platonic one.

Having low self-esteem is one of the main reasons we rush into new relationships without allowing ourselves to process the previous relationship.

We rush to be with people because we can't bear the thought of being alone. That's why we even end up ignoring the red flags which become all too apparent later down the road.

We are so focused on the "now and here" that we fail to think about the long term and this becomes the reason for breakups because after investing so much time and effort we finally accept that the relationship wasn't even compatible in the first place.

We try to fix our low self-esteem by trying to fill the void by desperately expecting happiness from all the new relationships but we fail because it was never in other people's hands to fix our insecurities.

A person often unconsciously starts expecting other people to fill the void that is created by their lack of self-love. This neediness often translates to conflict when the emotinal needs of a person are not met.

They begin picking fights over the littlest things because their inner conflict makes it appear as if another person is provoking them.

Don't compare yourself to others

The biggest disservice that you can do to yourself is to compare yourself with other people.

I know this advice gets thrown around a lot but let's dive a bit deeper into it.

Comparing yourself to others is the ultimate way to butcher your self-esteem. You compare their best traits to your average ones which is a huge injustice to your abilities and talents.

You can do one thing perfectly but you can't be perfect at everything. Even the most successful people are only masters of a craft or two.

Comparing yourself to others without living the life they live is the recipe for disaster.

Comparison is a deadly thing but it's also inevitable, humans are designed to be competitive and it's only natural to notice people and how they do things and compare it to your methods.

So, while we can't ignore this urge, we can go about it in a certain way that will help improve our capabilities instead of stirring the feelings of insecurity and worthlessness.

• Only let yourself give you a score:Only you can know the extent of your capabilities so always prepare according to what you know of yourself and not what people think of you,(e.g, the teachers will congratulate you if you score well in the test that came from the selected topics you prepared. On the other hand, they’ll think you’re not as smart if you don’t score well on a test that came from the only topic that you didn’t do.Your preparation of the test was better the second time but everyone will think that it was better the first time.)

The same goes with most things when it comes to your talents. The world will praise you according to what they see but only you'll know how good you really are.

• Compare your techniques and not yourself to others: If you find their way of doing certain things more effective then try to incorporate that method into your work.
• There’s no harm in learning a skill or two from people you come across: We learn from self-improvement books all the time so, why not pick up the good things from people around us as well.
• Don’t feel ashamed for not knowing a certain thing. Take the "not-knowing-something" as an opportunity to educate yourself about it.

Positive imagination along with self-talk

Imagine all the things that can go right instead of thinking about the things that can go wrong.

The constant anticipation of disaster steals the happiness from our moments.

Preparing ourselves for the "worst outcomes" limits our growth because the constant fear stops us from uncovering our full potential, we get so focused on not "messing up" that we fail to achieve any remarkable progress.

Positive self-talk and setting high goals for yourself is one of the definite ways to improve your relationship with yourself.

Stop worrying about embarrassing yourself in front of others. Positive self-talk assures your body that you believe in its capabilities. Once you develop a healthy relationship with yourself, nothing in the world can stop you from achieving what you want.

Challenge yourself by setting goals and believing in your capabilities to achieve them.

Hyper focus on things you can control

Try to hyperfocus on the things that you can control.

You do yourself a disservice the moment you decide to obsess over the potential failure more than the actual progress.

The fear of failure makes it harder for us to give our undivided attention to the task at hand. The worrying drains away all of our energy and leaves us feeling hopeless and defeated even before we try anything.

Some things to get this under control are:

1.Break up a bigger task into smaller pieces.

2.Focus on one thing at a time(multitasking is overrated).

3.Focus on achieving the day’s goal instead of the collective goal.

Doing these things will make it easier for you to achieve your long-term goal by breaking it into smaller pieces.

The biggest advantage of doing this is that we get quicker results which makes it easier for us to go on.

For example: if a person breaks his goal of writing ten thousand words into five days of writing two thousand words each day, they’ll be able to achieve it more efficiently. Besides, setting shorter deadlines will make it easier to keep on going.

Invest in your appearance

Our appearance is how we present ourselves to the world and the world in return decides how to treat us.

Research has proven that even doing the little things like taking care of hygiene and dressing up smartly can do wonders for one's self-esteem.

Unfortunately, appearance is always going to matter. Humans are visual creatures who judge people based on how they appear.

Dressing yourself up smartly gives you a sense of invincibility and confidence.

**** All the things mentioned above are just small steps that can yield big results in the long run.