Self | Mindfulness

How To Overcome Nerves & Anxiety To Perform At Your Best

Feelings are hard — but they always make sense

Think back to the moments just before a nerve-racking event.

How do you feel?

Flustered? Anxious? Like your heart is going to explode?

Put a little tick next to all 3 for me. Performance anxiety can be debilitating.

Although we can’t change how we feel, we can learn to guide our feelings to perform at our very best. Despite any situation.

By speaking the language of feelings

A universal and incredibly easy language to learn.

Its alphabet only has 2 words.

Although we experience thousands of variations, there are only 2 core feelings: pain and pleasure.

Everything we think, do, and feel is either to seek pleasure or avoid pain.

Anxiety, for example, is the anticipation of pain. Sadness, resistance to it. And happiness comes from anticipating/experiencing pleasure.

Feelings abide by 3 laws:

[Law #1] They can’t be changed, only guided

[Law #2] They’re never right or wrong

[Law #3] They always make sense

Now, enough theory. Here’s how to become fluent.

How to communicate with your feelings

During difficult times, we’re often reminded to enjoy the moment.

But when you’re seconds out from a first date or public speaking appearance, this can feel next to impossible.

[Law #1] We can’t change how we feel. So, when experiencing debilitating feelings, don’t resist.

Accept and then guide.

Start by writing down how you feel (or say it aloud). This makes feelings real.

“I’m feeling ________ about ________.”

Now, to guide these feelings while remembering to E.N.J.O.Y. the moment.

First, “Exaggerate the situation.”

Ask yourself these two questions:

What’s the worst that could happen?

And, the best?

Write them down or say them aloud.

“The worst that could happen is ____________.”

“The best is ____________.”

Nerves and anxiety stem from fear of the unknown. So, shine a light on them.

Then, “Negate reality.”

Remove yourself from the situation. Hypothetically, if each of the (above) scenarios came true,

“How would that make you feel?”

“If ________ happened, I would feel ________.”

Speak only for yourself. You can’t control anything else.

Next, “Justify your feelings.”

[Law #2] Feelings are never right or wrong — they merely are.

Finding the “why” behind your feelings is tough. Yet, it reveals powerful answers. I use a method called The “Why” Dig to get to the root cause of any feeling.

Why would you feel that way? Where do the feelings come from?

“I would feel ________ because ________.”

Each time you answer, dig deeper. Ask again, “Why?” Keep going until you’ve landed on an answer that feels right.

Your gut will tell you when.

Now, “Open yourself up to all possibilities.”

It’s natural to shy away from feelings that lead us to pain. But remember, [Law #3] all feelings make sense. They’re there for a reason.

Lean into uncomfortable feelings.

“Are you afraid of failing? Succeeding?

“Have you attached self-worth to the outcome?

Visualize each scenario. Close your eyes and try to experience the feelings that come along with each outcome.

Remember, this scenario is hypothetical, so there’s no reason to hide from how you feel.

Take as long as you need until you’ve accepted each one.

“If ________ happens, I will be ok.”

Finally, “You can do it.”

With acceptance comes great power.

The best you can do is literally the best you can do.

To feel is to be human. So don’t shy away from it.

When you can truly accept every outcome, you can detach yourself from debilitating feelings.

To perform at your best.

I created a (free) guide to help you get to the root cause of any feeling: 👇