Do This 30 Minutes a Day to Overcome Low Self-Esteem

You don’t need to fix your faults.

Why do you think you have low self-esteem?

Is it because people treat you badly?

Is it because you don’t have the looks?

The truth is anything external isn’t the cause of your low self-esteem. External can trigger feelings of low-self worth but it’s not the root cause.

This is exactly what a plastic surgeon found in the 1960s. He found that even when the ugliest feature of someone’s face was fixed, they would still think and behave as if they were ugly. (He discusses this further in his book Psycho-Cybernetics).

The path to fixing your self-esteem isn’t in changing the external but the internal.

You need to make an internal change. To do that, you need to know the true reason for your low self-esteem.

The reason you don't feel good enough.

It’s not your upbringing, genetics or failures. All those can trigger low self-esteem but they aren’t the ones that sustain it.

The reason you can’t raise your self-esteem is because you base your self-esteem on the external.

You think you will be good enough when you get x,y,z. (money, approval, goals, etc.) But you know it’s a lie if you have ever accomplished anything or received a compliment. The high never lasts.

As long as you think you aren’t good enough because of this and that, because of something external, you will keep feeling unworthy.

Your only solution to Fix Yourself.

The most foolish action you can take is to change what you don’t like about yourself. Again, you are trying to fix the external (body, looks, approval) while the problem is internal.

The only solution is to increase your base-line self-esteem.

You can’t increase it with any goal. No amount of changing the external can make an internal change. Internal change happens when you look inside not outside. The only solution for you to start to look inside. Here are 3-steps to do that.

Step 1: Sit Idle for 30-minutes.

First, you have to know where your baseline self-esteem is. A simple exercise that I do is sit with myself in a quiet room for 30-mins.

No distractions (phone, people, noises). It’s also not some meditation technique (breathing exercises, guided session). You just sit with yourself and see what comes up.

It’s pure awareness of your thoughts and emotions without wanting to change them.

And this mindfulness can cause discomfort.

Most people will have trouble sitting still. They will want to do things. But that’s okay.

Look at the feeling of uneasiness — Why is it there? Why aren’t you good enough if you sit idle?

When you get used to sitting still, deeper issues will start to open up. You will experience the deepest trauma behind your low-self esteem.

Your trauma may seem insignificant and that’s okay. Most likely You will go back to past experiences that made you feel hurt and doubt yourself.

Step 2: Don’t trick yourself into feeling good.

Don’t convince yourself out of these negative feelings. Neither pretends to feel good. In these, 30-minutes you have to let all the hurt and damage within you out.

Experience your insecurities and doubts— How do they make you feel? When were they formed? What triggers them?

Quit the need to get over anything. You don’t need to let them go, just be with them. It might take 2–3 sittings to reach this stage, so repeat this exercise daily.

Once you do, it’s a breakthrough. You are reaching to the core of your issues. They will still control you but no longer from the shadows. Now every time you feel bad about yourself, you will know the real reason.

Step-3: Cultivate unconditional love.

After these 30-minutes, ask yourself what would it take for you to love yourself?

You might say, when I make this amount of money, look like that or when my friends say this about me, then I can love myself.

Nope. You are again adding external conditions. The answer should always be, nothing.

“You can love yourself for no reason”.

Repeat this process daily. When the answer naturally becomes nothing, you will unlock your high self-esteem.

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