How to Overcome Fear of Disapproval

Strategies for speaking up and freely expressing yourself

My fears of disapproval have had a burning presence for countless years in my life. I have been stopped, stuck, immobilized, and otherwise thrown off my path by fears of what others might think.

Below I will detail some accepted methods for reducing or managing this fear.

Fear of disapproval often has demoralizing effects because it is hard to uncover its origins, let alone manage its damaging effects. Finally, after years of study and analysis, I have learned ways to lessen the fear of disapproval. But total mastery eludes me.

I recently had an experience at the local gym: I didn’t confront a lady talking on a cell phone in a forbidden area. Rather than confront her, I shrunk away, fearing her disapproval.

Remind yourself that not everyone will approve of your words or actions

The false idea that others will disapprove of you starts with your feelings of low self-worth. If you have a global belief that you are not good enough, you will project disapproval from others as a constant threat.

In psychology, projection is a process of attributing one’s unwelcome characteristics to others as a defense against acknowledging them in yourself.

If you suspect your capabilities are less than average but don’t want to admit them, you will believe that others think that about you. The takeaway: you assume potential disapproval by others and thus are averse to acting.

To change your fears of disapproval, you must accept that others’ perceptions of your thoughts or actions may not always be favorable, and that’s ok.

Rather than indulging your fear of disproval, focus on being true to yourself and make decisions that align with your values and goals

For years I felt unable or unwilling to externalize my true self ideas. I erroneously assumed those ideas would be the object of ridicule.

With a few tentative steps of self-expression, I discovered this was a false assumption. I found out that others were more concerned with their interests than with the condemnation of my modest offerings.

If you care about what others might think, increase your vulnerability. As I did, you will find that your fears outstrip reality. Furthermore, you will find you can handle others’ negative responses.

Remind yourself that it’s natural to feel fear

Anxiety is a normal and natural feeling. We all get anxious about different things. If you think your fearfulness cannot be changed, you will only increase the anxiety you are trying to stop.

Understanding what goes on in your head and knowing why you are afraid is one of the most potent ways to face your fear and deal with it head-on.

Fear of Abandonment and disapproval

You may think it’s hard to stop the fear of disapproval. But it’s easier when you know that much anxiety is something you learn. You can learn to feel safe with practice, like any other skill.

In my case, I learned early on to associate disapproval with abandonment. I had a traumatic experience with abandonment as a kid; many observers mention this factor as a cause of fear of disapproval.

Psychologists attribute fear of abandonment to experiences, beliefs, and concepts we internalized as children.

A child who does not enjoy basic, necessary comforts such as physical affection and emotional connection learns not to trust these permanently in adulthood. Sensitivity to criticism and rejection often emerges from these early experiences.

More tactics for dealing with disapproval

By identifying negative thoughts that contribute to feelings of fear, you can actively take steps to reframe your thinking in a way that is more optimistic and encouraging.

Instead of avoiding situations where you might experience disapproval, focus on putting yourself out there and tackling your fear.

Progressive desensitization has a beneficial role in dealing with rejection or disapproval.

Gradual exposure is a way to overcome any fear. By gradually exposing yourself to what you fear, you learn to overcome it. You progressively desensitize yourself to what you are afraid to do.

Choose something small and safe. And make sure it’s something you want to do — there’s no point getting disapproved of for something with little importance.

You might start by expressing an opinion that differs from someone you respect. Your views about a book or movie would be a good disapproval challenge.

Once you have more experience facing your fear, you’ll begin to recognize that the consequences are less anxiety-provoking than you anticipated. You’ll also gain greater confidence in your abilities to succeed.

Finally, surround yourself with supportive people who encourage and motivate you rather than judge or criticize you.

Summary

Finally, after years of study and analysis, I have learned ways to lessen the fear of disapproval. Instead of avoiding situations where you might experience disapproval, focus on putting yourself out there and tackling your fear. Gradually expose yourself to what you repeatedly fear until you no longer fear it.

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