How To Not Care About Your Rejections

The only way to not care is to keep taking rejections without letting go of your goal — divert your focus towards learning from them.

Rejection — a feeling of helplessness, anger, and rage kicks in when you become invalidated. When what you give with sheer admiration is accepted with only disdain. You lose control of yourself, as the thought of not being able to gain for what you asked for getting played over and over again in your brain.

Has it ever happened to you? Of course, it happens to everyone. But with the time you learn to manage your emotions. But some of us have never even tried, as they wait for that right moment which never comes. Time runs out perhaps for these people waiting for the right time to set — all their ducks in a row so they can take them by storm only to find that hunting season was ages ago.

A dear friend of mine waited 4 years to confess his feelings to a girl he gave his all for, at the end of graduation but then I mean it’s of no use, he can’t muster the courage of taking her into his arms even when she didn’t reject him. He rejected himself unworthy of her love, or should I be blunt that he didn’t want to as he thought it impossible because he thought that he will get rejected by her father if he asked for her hand in marriage.

She belonged to a family of people who marry their daughters under the same family crest — cousin marriages et. al. I gave my dear friend confidence that I will go with him and encouraged him that we can do this. But before the war even happened he lost the fight to the thought of rejection. This gave him depression and he is still in tears that he can’t be with her. Both of them are not even trying to connect with their emotions of the love for each other meanwhile both perhaps are shackled to the thoughts of rejection.

“A best friend is the only one that walks into your life when the world has walked out.” ― Shannon l. Alder

Imagine, you wait so long for someone only to slowly lose them in the end — was it inevitable. I don’t think so, he can still make it if he tries if he doesn’t care about the rejection and only cares for the goal in mind. The best way to ask for someone’s hand is to go and ask a woman’s parents. In most cases, her father’s blessings are your priority — that’s how it should be. Even fathers look forward to the man who will marry their daughter, someone who is mature enough to take care of her. This gives them confidence that their daughters will be happy.

But I know so many men who just waste their time, waiting and even scared of rejection. The stigma of rejection has a far worse adverse effect on men perhaps in this society. Before the Covid-19 pandemic, I applied to at least 200+ companies for the summer 2020 internship. I got rejected and laid off by at least 196 companies. Perhaps the ATS just filtered my resume out, or “I wasn’t a good fit at that moment, even though my resume was impressive” as they said. 10+ called and out of which 4 because the pandemic stopped their program and the others called for an interview online, but one of them was really confused about what they really wanted in a candidate.

“When you’re following your inner voice, doors tend to eventually open for you, even if they mostly slam at first.” ― Kelly Cutrone

For me even a rejection from a company like amazon was something — instead of feeling bad about myself, I learned that at least I got to the interview. That was something, it was probably an achievement. Although, I applied to Asian companies and they even called me to an interview. I even was selected for the summer program in Dubai but because of Covid-19, it got canceled as well. No worries, remember your goal. Why you started, for me I actually learned so much in so many failures — I hit the goldmine of getting through the ATS and finding an opportunity for an interview call from the company I initially applied to.

Never give up! What have you got to lose! Absolutely nothing.

I don’t give up, why should you even give up. Take the feeling, and channel that pain into dedicating yourself. Rejections will happen, failures will happen and you will lose but the thing is to never give up. Keep taking the hits, and bouncing back up. That’s what we should do, my friend lost hope. He never tried to take another chance, neither did the girl — both gave in to despair and gave up. Rejections shouldn’t cause rage, I’m mostly flattered and even amused when I get rejected whether it’s from a person or it’s from the tests, or an application — it doesn’t matter. I learned from the experience, and that’s my goal.

Remember, patience is a virtue. Most of the time, we often try too hard and that makes us expect a lot many things. What we have to do is keep in mind, the bigger picture — it’s waiting for us and we have to try our hardest to make it happen.

To not care about rejections is like choosing ketchup over mustard.

Strive for a positive mindset and see the rejections as opportunities. See if my dear friend can muster the courage to move past the mental hurdles, he can actually live his life with the one he loves. It’s all in the mind, all the struggle is within your grasp. You can overcome it, I believe in you. Because I have done it as well. If you can take rejection, you can definitely bounce back and dust off the feeling of guilt and shame. Instead, feel proud to confess your emotions to someone, or If you gave your all. Sometimes, there is always a chance however small to improve. We mostly lack many things, but this gives us time to reflect upon what could have been done so that the next time we try, we go all-in for the prize and win it big.

The Takeaway

• Strive for a positive mindset.
• Use rejections as a stepping stone, to move forward.
• Instead of wallowing in rage, channel it into something productive like physical activity or sport.
• Don’t wait for the right time, make every action matter.
• Follow the bigger picture, and pay attention to detail.
• Try 1000 times, if you fail a 1000 times — write everything down and try another 1000.
• Journal your journey, write down your experience to learn and reflect upon it.
• The more you write your rejections, and read them afterward — the easier it will become to move past them.

Remember, You got this. Strive for a positive retrospective and you will make it to where you aim. It might be a long journey, but it is full of moments of joy and satisfaction. You will find love, joy, and hope during your journey. Pay attention to what’s around you and what’s inside you. Accept that and move forward.

Stay Blessed and Stay Safe!