How to navigate online dating the right way

It’s possible to find real connection when you’re dating online, but it takes enhancing our understanding of self.

by: E.B. Johnson

We’re living in a digital age, and that means that more of our interactions than ever take place online in a virtual world. We make friends online; we do work online, and we even meet up with our friends and family online (thanks, COVID-19). So much of what we do in life exists in the digital plane, and now that includes our romantic relationships as well.

It’s possible to find true and lasting love in the age of online dating, but it’s a process that takes some know how and embracing your authenticity. Finding love — in any state — requires us to kiss a lot of frogs, but by focusing our romantic interests online we can dramatically lower that number. Creating profound love from an online relationship requires us to be brutally honest, yes, but it requires us to open up too. You can find the right person for you when you get real about what you want and where you’re going.

Can we find love in the digital realm?

If you’re under the age of 50 and have. been single for any substantial amount of time, then odds you’ve used a dating website or a dating app. The love-traps are everywhere and allow us to focus on love across all barriers and walks of life. You can find farmers to date; you can find entrepreneurs to date. The world of love is literally at your fingertips when it comes to online dating, but it’s imperative that you know how to navigate the challenge.

Finding love in the digital realm is possible, and it’s even possible to find and cultivate profound and lasting love. Like anything else in this life, however, it all comes down to perspective and the intentions that you have going into the experience.

When we are honest, upfront and authentic about who we are and what we want — we can find real and genuine connection online that has the power to transform our lives. This, however, requires us to dig deep and take a brutally realistic look at what we want from both our relationships and our future. Ask yourself probing questions. What is it that you really need from a partner in order to feel as though the relationship you are building is worthwhile? Keep those things in sight while you travel through the world of virtual dating.

Why online dating can produce lasting connections.

It’s possible to find real and lasting connections online, but it requires us to look at ourselves and our desires differently. When you jump into virtual dating, you can drastically limit the pool and make it easier to find people who fit your needs. Getting in touch with those needs is a journey on its own, however, and one that takes some courage to jump into.

Aiming high

Virtual romance allows you to look for someone who meets your needs, without feeling as though you need to settle thanks to personal or geographical limitations. In the old days, you could only choose from whatever options you had around you. With online dating, you can pick someone who checks all your boxes, or someone who is on the same path forward as you are. You’ve got more options when it comes to online dating — and that can equate to a greater ability to get what you want.

Cutting out the riff-raff

One of the greatest benefits of online dating is the ability it gives you to minimize the riff-raff. Thanks to the magic of personality quizzes and matching-software, virtual dating narrows down a range of partners based on your interests and emotional needs to provide you with the best chance of finding a match efficiently. Rather than kissing 100 frogs, you only have to kiss 50. You have greater control over who you spend your time on, and who you get to know better by cutting out the riff-raff.

Deeper connections

Virtual relationships come with a lot of benefits, and one of those is removing the initial physical component, which can be akin to removing a distraction. While physical intimacy is important to any partnership, it can also blur the deep emotional connections that are vital to new and blossoming relationships. When you spend more time getting to know one another at a distance, you can get to fall for one another on a much deeper, more personal and authentic level.

Cultivating patience

There are few skills online dating helps to bolster more than that of patience. It can take a long time to get the delicate dance of virtual dating right, just as it can take a while to get traditional dating right. When we commit to the process and make the tweaks and changes it demands, we can find ourselves uncovering a patience and a compassion that bolsters our sense of our relationships, and our ability to be a better partner.

The hurdles that can keep us from finding love online.

Online dating does not, of course, come without its downsides. Just as dating in the “real world” has potential pitfalls, so does meeting partners virtually. A part of finding profound love on any digital dating platform is being aware of these pitfalls and voiding them; by arming ourselves with knowledge.

Narrow expectations

You’re looking for something that literally doesn’t exist, and that’s why you’re struggling to find matches, or people that spark your interest. If you find that you can’t connect with anyone (or they struggle to connect with you) then it’s critical that you go back to the drawing board and reassess what you actually want, and whether you’re sabotaging yourself with over-the-top or extremely narrow expectations.

Wrong place, wrong time

Just as we can find ourselves in the wrong place at the wrong time when it comes to traditional dating, the same could be said of the virtual process. This occurs when you put yourself out there before you’re emotionally ready to handle it, or you jump into the deep end before you know who and what you want. If you’re not emotionally ready to look for love online, or you’re still lost as to what you want and what you’re worth, you’ll only find yourself running into the same dating hardships online as you did in the physical world.

Desperation

Desperation isn’t attractive to anyone, and it leaves us vulnerable to predators and those who would take advantage of us for ill-gain. If your online profile screams that you’re desperate, or if your replies read like a high-schooler that just wants to be liked — you’re going to find yourself running into flaky responses and half-hearted matches. We have to come to our partners (even potential partners) as equals and not appear as though we are someone who wants to be rescued instead of taking responsibility for our own lives.

Repeating bad dating patterns

More often than not, our virtual relationships flounder because we commit the same dating faux pas that we commit in the real world. You might rush things, or be too eager to force them into a corner; all the same dating mistakes that exist in the physical world, exist in the virtual world as well. Be natural, follow protocol, and let the path guide you where it will.

Failing proactivity

Just because you’re dating online does not mean that you do not still proactively have to cultivate love, attraction and affection. If you’ve met someone new, it’s important that you get online and engage with them; learn more about them and who they are. Likewise, if you’re still out there looking for someone — you actually have to be online to find them, and you have to reply to messages and let people know that you’re interested. No matter what form your dating takes, love and romance are not spectator experiences. They require us to be proactive and step up to the plate from time to time.

How to navigate online dating the right way.

Knowledge to hand, you are now able to move forward and find real and profound love online. Be authentic and move slowly and carefully. Listen to your intuition and don’t be afraid to merge your online love with a real-world experience.

1. Be authentic in every way

Authenticity is one of the most important things we can learn in this life, and it’s critical when it comes to finding true love. Only when we make contact with our authentic self can we fully realize what it is we both need and want from a relationship. By cultivating authenticity in every facet of your life, you can make it possible to attract profound love — even if you have to do it online.

When you live authentically, then you have nothing to hide and nothing to cover for. Be honest from the get-go, and don’t hide important things like what you want from your future, and your thoughts on career, family and even politics.

Our ideologies our plans for the future are important, and they have to work cohesively with our potential partners in order for us to build lives together. Profound love that is capable of withstanding the test of time is love that is sewn in common visions of the future. Be authentic and be upfront about what goals you have for yourself and your life. Don’t hide yourself and don’t conceal those parts of yourself that might irritate your complex fears and insecurities.

2. Don’t settle for less

Gone are the days when we had to settle for the same guy we’d been sitting next to since home-room. With the world of online dating, we now have millions of potential partners available to us from around the world. Though the journey to realizing your love might be more complex, online dating now allows you to identify potential partners that align completely with who you are, and where you’re going in the future. When you stop settling for less than you want (and less than you deserve) it’s easier to create profound love.

Look for people who genuinely match your interests or your goals and don’t feel like you owe your time or your affection to anyone who shows you attention first. There is no law that says you have to settle for less than you want. Take your time. Slow down. Embrace the journey and the reflections of self you will realize along the way.

With online dating, you can minimize your selection and get right down to the things that matter. You don’t have to be intimidated by the constant pressure of social presentation or social niceties. If things don’t work out, you can go your separate ways with little concern about seeing them again in the future. Don’t allow yourself to be pinched into a place that you don’t belong. Cultivate the opportunity for truly profound love by refusing to settle for less than what you need and what you deserve in a partner and a relationship.

3. Cultivate the qualities you want to attract

Though the movies might paint love as a magical thing that happens as if ordained by magic, nothing could be further from the truth. Relationships take work, whether they exist in the physical realm, the virtual realm, or some combination of the two. That same can be said for creating those relationships. Good partners don’t happen by accident. They are attracted to us when we cultivate the qualities we want to see in them.

Your emotional and charismatic qualities become so much more apparent when you’re getting to know someone virtually, or across the distance. Consider these qualities, and what you want them to look like in your potential partner. Then consider your own qualities. Are those the skills and outlooks you possess? Do the skills and outlooks you possess compliment those you want to attract?

We have to be the partners we want to attract. This is not to say that we have to love the same colors, come from the same backgrounds, or even have the same opinions. It simply means that we must align our drive, ambition, desires and needs to those who can realistically match them. If you want an ambitious partner that goes after their dreams, become that person first. Profound partnerships, based in love, are those in which we both come to the table ready and willing to work.

4. Notice red flags the first time

Unfortunately, a downside to dating on the internet is the potential for lies, and the potential for being misled by someone with less-than-honorable intentions. The internet allows us to conceal ourselves in a number of ways, and that can lead to major heartbreak when we’re not careful. Looking for love also means, sometimes, protecting ourselves and avoiding pain. Listen to your gut and heed your intuition. Notice the red flags and run toward profound love rather than away from it.

If you’ve met someone new online, really pay attention to the little details or warning signs that could indicate something isn’t right. Don’t allow excuses, or your desperate sprint toward the future get in the way of the reality that is knocking at the door.

When people are truly interested in us, they talk to us. They don’t make excuses, and they don’t run into constant emergencies. There’s no one on this planet that doesn’t have the time to send a text or a have a single audio or video call. The only person that doesn’t have time to be seen, are those who are trying to hide something. Look for red flags and heed their warnings the first time. Your intuition will rarely lead you wrong, if you truly listen to the warnings your subconscious is sending to you.

5. Set priorities ahead of time

Before you ever go looking for love (whether online or offline) it’s imperative to know what you’re looking for. This means taking a step back and taking some time to get realistic about both what we want and what we need in order to feel as though our relationships are worthwhile. Not every person was meant to be our partner. Not every relationship will work out. Be honest with yourself and get in touch with what your real priorities are before you bring someone else into your world.

Set your priorities for dating and relationships ahead of time and don’t wait until you’re in a complicated situation to address those needs. Know what you’re looking for and know what you need. Don’t allow the opinions of society or others to change the things you know are right for you in love.

There are some things that can only be figured out in a partnership, but there are other concrete elements of self and desire that can be settled ahead of time. Get honest with yourself, and stop looking outward for the answers that should come from within. Know where you’re going in the future and use that knowledge to align yourself with someone who is moving in the same direction. Profound love is out there, but the journey requires a roadmap that we have to design ourselves.

6. Never underestimate the power of realism

When we refer to “online dating” we are generally referring to the array of websites and apps that provide us with the opportunity to meet other people who are actively looking for love. And while these tools are certainly powerful, they alone aren’t enough to truly create that love we are looking for If you truly want to make that deep and lasting connection, you’re going to have to take your love into reality.

Don’t allow your communications to be restricted to some faceless dating website or corporate app. Remember the value of face-to-face communication and try your best to connect with potential partners on a “realistic” or physical (non-intimate) level.

Before you make any big moves, or commit to anything you’re unsure of — make sure you’re having plenty of video chats and phone conversations. Finding love online is absolutely possible, but love requires us to desire to see and be around one another. Thankfully, this is more possible than ever; which is a lucky thing in the age of COVID-19 and social distancing. Never underestimate the power of realism. Take your budding relationship from virtual to real-world if you want to find real and lasting connection.

Putting it all together…

We are living in strange and increasingly digital times. More and more the connections we share and the relationships we foster are dependent on virtual spaces, and that includes our romantic partnerships. It’s possible to find love online, but we have to be realistic about both what we want and what we need in order to cultivate it within and without.

Be authentic and don’t hide away those parts of yourself or those things which are critical to the future that you want. Unlike the real world, we can walk away from our online meetings without the expectation of seeing one another again. Use this knowledge to get comfortable being yourself and don’t settle for less than you want and deserve. Cultivate the qualities you want to attract in a partner and don’t look to online dating to hand you the keys to your future. Notice any red flags the first time and don’t let yourself be led astray when your intuition is screaming at you to run. When we listen to our authentic self, it gives us the answers we need. Set your priorities ahead of time and know who you are and what you want. We can find profound love through online dating, but we have to get realistic about what relationships mean to us and never underestimate the power of taking our love into real-world situation.