How To Not Let Rejection Define You

Rejection is inevitable.

It may start as a lonely kid wanting to join the circle to play handball on the ground.

It may creep upon a teenager dancing alone in his high school prom night.

It might even extend to a burnt-out employer feeling like a cog in a machine after many rejected pitches and work proposals.

Rejection can come as a small mishap or a harsh blow after a dreaded wait.

It affects people of all walks of life, in various forms and situations. However, as ambiguous and diverse as it comes in its presentations, the pain and the struggle that comes associated is rather universal.

As much as you want to wrap yourself in bandages and hover under a shielded armor, you cannot run away from rejection. You can stop knocking doors to opportunities and get caught in the ‘aloof bubble’, but the stagnant life of mediocrity will smother you in no time soon.

Henceforth, Jay Shetty, one of the world ‘most influential storyteller and motivation speaker emphasize gracefully dealing rejection as a Number #1 skill to survive, create and thrive.

Don’t Take Rejection Personally , But Curiously And Actively

Jay Shetty describes his struggles in entering the competitive job market in his ‘On Purpose’ Podcast.

As a former monk who previously gave up the life of suits and offices to shave his head and meditate in the temples of Mumbai, he simply had no other work experience in his resume. It took 40 online application rejections before Jay won his first job interview. Before a company even decided to take interest in seeing him face to face to discuss the next stage.

But did he stop trying? Did he self doubt and label himself as ‘unemployable’ and ‘unworthy’?

Instead of dwelling and drowning in the temporary feelings and taking it as a personal attack, Jay took it objectively.

‘Its just another email that says I am not going to make it to the next round.

Yes, he felt the slight bitterness of the setbacks, but he did not stop knocking the doors.

The metaphorical doors to more opportunities and better chances.

However, truth is; many of us stop trying. After X number of interviews, romantic rejections, unsuccessful creative pursuits, we find ourselves shutting down. Clamming up with self-imposed labels and distress.

In my freshman year, when I got rejected by a guy who I really liked, it shattered me. I spent months at home on my couch in tears, eating takeout, listening to Lana Del Rey and her melancholic, indie tunes.

Truth is, it was just one guy.

We might have not been even right for each other. Maybe he is not what I thought he was.

But I let the rejection define myself. I sensationalized the loss of unrequited love into something more, when it was simply not meant to be.

It is not wrong to mourn for a loss, mind you.

However, treating these happenings as an extension of ourselves, beating ourselves and self-criticizing is honestly mental abuse.

Failure is not final. Failure is not fatal. Failure is not the end.

‘Don’t stop knocking the doors’

Jay postulates the well researched ‘Abundance mindset’, with a thirst for self improvisation.

But what if you are unsuccessful after so many interviews and meetings? After so many tries?

Observe the process and understand where to refocus

Failure is Feedback, Rejection is Redirection

Rejection doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough or can’t get better. It simply means you need to modify your action plan.

Feedback and closure by introspection and self-reflection aid in this process.

A lot of times, many of us fail in our personal and professional lives due to a lack of a plan. A lack of research, propelling a rash decision making. Or an obsession more results-orientated instead of process orientated.

If you focus on being curious, you won’t even feel the burden of the challenges. If you focus on the idea of reflection and reinvention amidst the abundance of opportunities, rejection will hurt less.

Remember: learning is a lifelong process and rejection is simply redirection.

Thank you for reading :)