How To Move On After An Attempted Suicide

Sharing a personal story of heartbreak, healing, and redemption.

Begging to Die

Something that most people don’t know about me is that I survived two suicide attempts. The first attempt was in my early 20s. Only one person knew about that attempt. But the second attempt was public. When I awakened in the emergency room, I was heartbroken, confused, strapped to a bed, and on suicide watch. I couldn’t believe I was still alive. I just wanted to die.

If you are someone who has survived a suicide attempt, I want you to know that I deeply empathize with you. Many emotions come with survival; anger, shame, confusion, rage, guilt, misery, and emptiness. “How the fuck am I supposed to go on after this?” I thought to myself as I was forced into an ambulance and sent to a psychiatric hospital.

Once I was released, I remember sitting in my apartment silently. I felt so much sadness, loneliness, and shame. I remember shouting, “Why can’t you just let me die?!” My God, I was broken, beaten, and battered. I couldn’t understand why I was trapped in this reality. I was in so much pain and wanted to get out desperately. “Please help me! Why am I here? I can’t go on like this, please.”

At that moment, on the floor of my apartment, I was at rock bottom. I couldn’t go any lower because beyond that was death for me. Through the tears and sadness, I finally stood up and decided to take charge of my life. I was sick and tired of life beating my ass. Within days, I began to see things clearly. Had God finally answered my desperate pleas? The answer was yes! All of a sudden, I was thrust into my spiritual awakening.

Everything changed. Everything.

But I had to make some changes. The first thing I did was remove toxic relationships. I was partying five to six days a week, doing drugs, giving my body away, and drinking nonstop. After that, I began to heal by going back to the root of my trauma. I became my own therapist. I constructed a healing exercise to figure out what areas needed attention.

Healing & Forgiveness

I spent countless hours alone in my apartment, crying and healing from all the pain I endured. It hurt like hell to go back to those dark days but it was necessary for my freedom. As I began to heal and forgive myself and others, the heaviness I once felt began to vanish. Then I moved on to forgiveness.

I forgave everyone who hurt me, then I forgave myself. Once again, it felt like weights were being lifted from my shoulders. With each passing day, I began to see life differently. I started to write again, volunteer, and smile. For the first time in three decades, I felt peace. I began to sit in the park, changed my diet, and embrace life fully.

Rediscovery

Next, I decided to rebuild myself. I did this by manifesting the life I wanted. I visualized myself writing and traveling the world. I no longer wanted to work a nine-to-five job because it didn’t align with the person I was becoming. I kept visualizing it until it became my reality. Now I travel the world full-time.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. I have been born again; my life has turned 180 degrees because I stood up and decided to heal and let go of the past. My loves, you are not your past. Allow healing to flow into your life, and you will be redeemed.

Life Worth Living

When you heal, you will discover that life is worth living. Let go of the burdens, pain, and sorrow that plague you. You don’t have to suffer any longer. Get off the floor and choose life and freedom. They are waiting; just walk through the door.

It is in the darkest of times when you can see the light. When I saw it, with every ounce of strength I had left, I crawled into it. And my God, I am grateful I did. I didn’t die, you didn’t die, because it wasn’t our time. We are still here because we are to share our stories of redemption. Take that pain and turn it into creative power. Help pull others out of darkness and despair.

Your Breakthrough

You might not realize that your breakdown is the key to your breakthrough. You have to break something down before you can rebuild it. My loves, this is your opportunity to begin again! This is your do-over! Do you understand? You can stay on the ground or slowly rebuild yourself and recreate your life. Not the life someone else wants for you. This is your chance to break free from the Matrix systems of our lifetime.

When I broke down, my soul was depressed and depleted. It could no longer go on with the charade. It was longing for something more; freedom.

“This is the secret; a breakdown is a glitch in the conditioned mind. You begin to deviate from “normalcy” because your soul wants to be set free. When this happens, it is your cue to heal, forgive, and rediscover yourself.” — Ari Love

Please reread that sentence because it is significant. Again, your breakdown is the key to your breakthrough, and an initiation into rediscovery and a new life.

I understand that this message is meant for a specific audience. If you are reading this, my love, stand up and join me in helping pull others who are suffering out of the darkness. You are here for a reason. Tell your story, be brave, heal, and be a guiding light. Love, Ari.

© Ari Love 2023