How to Meditate During the Apocalypse

Put all the chaos and zombies out of your mind

It’s hard to focus right now. There’s a million tons of scary stuff going on in the world, in your life, in everyone’s life. We’re all in it, wondering how to keep functioning. So many of those problems revolve around being trapped at home during a pandemic apocalypse.

You might have a some mindless zombies sitting on the couch pretending to homeschool. “Mom! Mommm! Help! I don’t have any brrainnnss…” one of the slobbering zombies moans as it struggles to do the massive amount of homeschooling that numbs the mind of even the healthy. You find yourself trying to help complete the work and realizing your brain is impaired too. It’s lack of oxygen and fresh air from never leaving the confines of your home.

Maybe you have roommates that are out of work but still have plenty of snack food and alcohol, and are steadily playing video games until they mentally pass out, leaving their soulless husks upright in from of the screen. It’s hard to enter the room, with the smells of putrefaction and decay coming from the empty dishes on the coffee table.

We finally found out what happens when the world ends, yet the electricity still powers computers and video consoles and potato chip factories. The takeout food still arrives, even though roaming bands of the infected can be spotted down by the park.

You might be all alone. Too much social media and bad news might have sucked not only your brains but your will to live. As you cook yet anther package of instant noodles and pretend it’s made out of food, you hit rock bottom. You need to find a way to flee this existential nightmare that is your apartment. But you can’t, because apocalypse.

Maybe you just ran out of bathroom tissue, and that will be a big problem when it’s time to go number 2. You need to start considering that supply run soon.

Mental health is number one

With such high stress levels, we need ways to reduce the flow of cortisol through the bloodstream. We have to find ways to calm the nervous system so we can do important things like sleep at night.

Without enough rest, what happens if you get chosen in the lottery and have to compete in the Hunger Games, but are in terrible physical shape and lose instantly? Your family will be left hungry, sorrowful and alone. This has become a real concern. You need to keep yourself in peak form.

Maybe with everyone trapped in the house, unable to go outside due to the virus which will change you into one of the infected undead, everyone is in your face 24- 7. You don’t think you can find a place to meditate, but there is always a way. You need to get creative. Think inside the box that is your home.

Solitude

Do you have a room you can go to and barricade the door, trapping them on the other side? You need to figure these things out, in case one of them turns, or one of the infected get past the barricade. If you can find a space, then retreat to this sanctuary long enough to sit in peace on your mat and meditate.

Leave a couple weapons in this room in case you ever become trapped inside. A bat. A pointy stick. A machete, if you have one.

No rooms like that? How about the bathroom? Lock yourself in there, use some earplugs, and let everyone else fend for themselves. It’s a good way to keep an eye on the tissue supply too.

Don’t give up on this chance to get some time alone with yourself. They might start banging on the door demanding to use the facilities. Ignore everything except screams that last longer than five minutes, or blood leaking under the door.

As you sit on the built-in meditation throne, remember to be grateful for all you have.

Stealthy mornings

How about getting up early and sitting in the still, quiet morning? This is not only a good time to meditate before everyone else rises, but an excellent chance to practice moving quietly and being stealthy.

You’ll need these skills when you run low on supplies and it becomes necessary to go out raiding. Making a loud noise while out raiding for supplies is what brings the infected down on you. You really don’t want that if you want your insides to stay inside. They could be after your brains, or maybe they’ll just manage to sneeze on you and turn you into a danger to all of society. Nope, you need to learn to move quietly, mindfully and with control. Meditation can give you all of these skills.

The day’s end

Maybe you can sneak in a few minutes of meditation right before bed. First, double check all of your defenses so you don’t have to worry about them while trying to meditate. Did you lock the door, barricade the windows, arm the landmines and set up the trip wires? Are all of the firearms loaded and ready?

Did you check for bite marks on the other members of the house? You need to know if there’s a chance they might be infected and about to turn during the night. Loved ones will always try to hide it, so they can use you as a convenient feeding source the moment they lose their humanity.

Look for surreptitious glances they make as they pull up their sleeves or pant legs. This is a sign that they are hiding a bite wound. Show no mercy as you lock them outside. Don’t listen to their excuses, how it’s just a rash. They will take you down with them.

If you’ve done all these things, then set a timer, get on that meditation pillow and do nothing but watch your thoughts float up while you breathe. Let all worries about crowds of infected wandering the aisles at the supermarket slip from your mind, and watch each breath go in, then out.

One day at a time

No matter what happens, remember to go easy on yourself. Meditate if you can. Be nice to others if you can. Avoid the infected if you can. Practice mindfulness when you go out foraging, to avoid making too much noise or attracting the infected. Do your best to keep from running afoul of bands of ruthless marauders. They’ll try to capture you, then do unspeakable things to you before selling you at the flesh market.

The best thing to do is to go to Walmart early in the morning, before all of those marauders venture out.

We can get through this. We just have to move forward the best we can. Be safe out there. And always be grateful that you aren’t a zombie.

Thanks for reading! Here’s another, more serious look at meditation: