Inspiration and Life

How to Measure Your Maturity the Easy Way

A simple way to make your world a better place

Every person reaches a certain level of maturity in their life. We usually give it little thought until we see someone exceptionally mature or immature. The way a person looks or is dressed can influence how we judge their maturity, yet most often we judge them by their behaviors. Behaviors are easily observable and practically every person is naturally attuned to them to some degree.

Most people are quick to judge a person’s maturity. After only seconds one can assess to a degree how mature a person is simply by observing how they act, or how they express themselves verbally.

How mature you are affects your entire life. Every relationship, your work, what you learn, your willingness to change, the position you hold, how much you earn, your happiness, everything is affected! I have yet to uncover anything in life that maturity does not affect or influence in some way.

The age of a person is not completely tied to how mature they are, is it? We have all seen a child come across as very mature, while some adults can act very immature for their age. Is it tied to how childish they act? Somewhat. But not completely.

How does one determine whether someone is mature or immature? Let me introduce you to a simple structure I learned many years ago. I’m certain you will find it useful and very enlightening.

The Four Levels of Maturity

The four levels of maturity rest on what I call the selfishness to selflessness scale. As you climb from one level to the next you become less selfish, ultimately rising to an exceptionally selfless level. The four levels of maturity are:

- Level 1 — me only

- Level 2 — me + others

- Level 3 — others + me

- Level 4 — others only

Let’s take a closer look at each maturity level.

Level 1 — me only

At level one, you are completely self-absorbed. The only thing or person you care about is yourself and your desires. It is best described as being completely selfish. When you were a small child and totally dependent on someone else to live, this makes sense. How could it be otherwise? At birth and the first few years, the world is all about you. At this stage, the importance of other people seldom comes into the picture other than to care for you. I refer to it as the “me only” level because at this age your needs reign supreme.

To remain this self-absorbed beyond a few years old is not a good thing, is it? So long as the person doesn’t have a physical or psychological challenge they will outgrow level 1. If they were to continue at a level 1 maturity into their teens or 20s, we would consider them extremely spoiled. Imagine what kind of life would result if they continued at this stage beyond their mid-20s!

Level 2 — me + others

At level 2 maturity you begin to see the importance of other people in your life. You recognize your mother, father, brother, sister, etc. is a person and has needs as well. You remain selfish, but less so as you begin to control your own desires and behaviors.

Level 3 — others + me

When you reach level 3 you enter a level of maturity where you begin to value others above yourself. You gain a great deal of self-control and a more complete acceptance of personal responsibility at this level. For many of us, this happens when we marry, and when we become a parent. After all, what person wouldn’t give their life for their spouse or children if it was necessary? You put their needs before your own, becoming far less selfish, and far more selfless.

Most of us live our lives between level 2 and level 3. In some ways, we can remain selfish, especially if our self-awareness is low. In other ways, we can be very selfless in the way we behave and in the things we do.

Level 4 — others only

Level 4 is the most difficult level for most people to attain and maintain. As you enter level 4 maturity, the world becomes completely about others. Your concern is taking care of others, while your needs barely register in your mind. Others matter most, and you are completely selfless.

As a Christian, there are examples of this pinnacle of maturity in Christ, and possibly some martyrs. This is an exceedingly difficult level to fully embrace and very few throughout history have been able to do so.

Making the World a Better Place

If every person were to achieve level 3 maturity, with less selfishness and putting others first, imagine how much better the world would be.

Modern society tends to encourage level 2 maturity in most areas of life. People are sold the idea that “It’s all about me and my needs, what I want, and others can stand in line behind me.” You will put your needs first in almost everything. At this level is the lack of understanding of how important other people are to life. A sad state in the affairs of selfishness.

While many people mature to level 3 at some point in their life, I have met more than one person, in their 30s, 40s, 50s, and even older that never matured above level 2.

Living a level 2 existence results in a more stressful life. People at this level usually want more for themselves, often at other people’s expense, and can be jealous of others. They can be overly competitive, with a strong desire to win at any cost, which can be good or bad depending on the motivation behind it. Such a person can exhibit a host of detrimental ways of being which will often result in immature behaviors.

Living at level 3 maturity results in a more peaceful life, as you care more for other people, developing better relationships. You do not have to win at everything and are far more likely to be thankful when other people do well.

Each level creates different results in your life. My recommendation is that you examine your behaviors, begin naming them at the level they show up in you, and work to improve them whenever you can. The more you live a level 3+ life, the more significance you can bring into the world. Now that is a life that makes the world a better place and is truly worth living!

Bill Abbate Leadership Writer in ILLUMINATION. Personal Website

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