How to Manage Anger
Anger can become destructive, especially when combined with drugs and alcohol.
Anger
Anger is a normal emotion that we all experience from time to time. It has its role in protecting, motivating, and giving us a sense of control. But, when the anger is out of balance and turns to rage, it can disrupt life and damage relationships. Anger triggers the fight-or-flight response, sending us into a heightened state of emotion.
Controlling Anger Issues
What does it mean when someone has anger “issues?” It means they are reactive, often in fits of rage, explosive tones, or using exploitative words and thinking the world is out to get them. Usually, their thinking is black and white and catastrophic. Both men and women experience fits of rage; sadly, children do too.
We cannot eliminate anger, nor should we. However, there are helpful ways to manage it. The first step is identifying that the person’s anger has become problematic and seeking help before it destroys relationships.
Ways to Manage Anger
1: Relaxation techniques such as breathing allow you to respond rather than react. As you inhale deeply, say “peace,” and as you exhale deeply, say to yourself, “chaos.” So you breathe in peace and breathe out chaos.
Breathing deeply and slowly puts the body back in a parasympathetic nervous state, lowering blood pressure and taking us back out of the fight-or-flight state where thoughts are distorted.
2: Gather your thoughts before speaking. Consider journaling about what is upsetting you. Ask yourself if what you are thinking is true or if you might possibly be over-dramatizing it. Be logical with yourself because love and logic defeat fear and anger.
3: Ask yourself what it is you want to accomplish.
4: Go outside, sit and relax, or run. Being in nature is soothing for the nervous system. Sometimes, a simple change in environment can shift our mood and mindset.
5: Finally, consider professional anger management either in person or online.
Signs That You or Your Loved One Has Anger Issues and Needs Help
- Clenched fists when talking
- You walk around on eggshells
- He/she is reactive, yells often, or is set off easily
- Always blames others
- Signs of passive-aggressiveness
- Fights with others
- Punch walls
- Lacks patience
Final Thoughts
When you feel angry, try to let that emotion flow through you without affecting others around you. Punch a pillow or scream into one, or go boxing. Find ways to manage your anger that work for you.
Anger can become dangerous, particularly when combined with drugs or alcohol. It can ruin careers and relationships. If someone tells you you have anger issues, thank them rather than getting defensive or denying it. Seek help early and often when there are signs of anger issues.
This is an important subject for me because the last man I dated had anger issues. His anger was always directed at other people, and I had a way of calming him down until I didn’t. His anger kept building in intensity. One day, he turned on me in a drunken fit of rage. He beat me up. That was the end of what I had believed was a beautiful relationship. Things can change in the blink of an eye.
I later found out he had done this to all of his ex’s. It turns out I never even knew this man. I thought I did. But I didn’t. So, maybe his violence was divine intervention. I feel fortunate to be free from a lying, violent man. I had begged his family to help me get him help for his anger. They, too, saw it escalating, but they did nothing. Now, he is awaiting trial for the possibility of a lengthy jail sentence on two felonies and one misdemeanor.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate you so much. I believe that by raising emotional intelligence, we can reduce the amount of domestic violence. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel for short videos daily on emotional intelligence, relationships, spirituality, meditation, and more.
Peace & Light,
Bryony Hutt wrote an excellent article about how to respond to someone who has been abused.
Motaz Majed "My To-Do List is Laughing at Me!!!" shared a great article on the power of mental wellness.