How to Make Your Relationship Last

Romantic relationships — for so natural a phenomenon, they sure can be hard to maintain.

And this seems to be especially true for recent generations.

In 2010, Time Magazine and Pew Research conducted a survey which found that 39 percent of Americans believe that marriage is becoming obsolete. The Atlantic has also observed that, in recent years, marriage has shifted from being the first step into adulthood, to the last.

This has all led to divorce rates skyrocketing, with roughly 40 percent of American marriages said to be ending in divorce in 2020.

And the outlook doesn’t look like improving any time soon, with many young adults now making a habit of prioritizing freedom and short-term gratification over most other goals.

So amid this climate, just how does a couple go about staying together with the odds seemingly so stacked against them?

I believe I’ve found a method that goes a long way towards helping.

I’ve been living in Korea with my wife for the past five years, and the phenomenon I describe below was something we simply fell into — not anything pre-planned or discussed.

Uncovered as a feature of Korean dating/relationship life, this small aspect of socialization, when brought into your relationship, can really serve to erode some of the factors that I believe have led to the decline of the long-term relationship in recent years.

Unleash the Child Within

The solution that I’ve foreshadowed above is found in a cultural quirk that’s also mirrored in some other Asian cultures, most notably Japan.

In Korean, it’s called ‘Aegio’.

Aegio is the act of behaving childishly, generally in front of someone you have a romantic interest in. And I know what you might be envisaging — grown people putting on annoying baby voices and simpering like overgrown toddlers.

But bear with me here.

Many Korean people will often slip into acting childishly when alone with their significant other, but it’s not necessarily the sickly-sweet baby-voice stuff you might be imagining. It’s more just acting silly and flamboyantly and expressing your emotions genuinely, no matter how silly it may look.

You know, like kids do.

And, I’ll confess, over time I started doing it too. Nothing major, and generally only when my wife and I are alone together, but it rarely fails to bring a smile to her face. And isn’t that what it’s all about, at the end of the day?

As the years have gone by though, I’ve realized that this funny little habit of ours does so much more than bring forth the occasional chuckle and smile.

I genuinely think it’s set us on a different and more sustainable relationship path, and that it may prove fundamental in helping us stay strong after the supposed ‘honeymoon’ period of our relationship has ended.

But let me make my case properly.

Below, I outline the specific ways in which I believe Korean aegio has complemented my marriage for the past half decade, and how I believe it can do the same for others too.

Keeping the Ego Out of It

Is there anything that damages relationships of all kinds more than that fatal demon, ‘ego’?

“A relationship never dies a natural death. It is murdered by ego, attitude & ignorance.” — Srinivas Shenoy

Now, it bears explaining that ‘ego’ as I’m defining it is different from earned confidence, self-possession or healthy pride. What I’m talking about is almost a sense of psychological entitlement — that part of ourselves that decides to take things personally, decide we deserve better, or blanch when we perceive that people seem to think they’re ‘better than us’.

You know when it’s super hard to worry about whether you’re being disrespected or talked down to though? When you’re goofy dancing in front of your partner, and singing them stupid songs you just made up.

I thank a higher power that, for my wife and I, the inclination to goof around is stronger than those which might cause us to get wrapped up in stubborn pride. The ability of ‘aegio’ to help us keep our egos in check, especially as we get older and take on more responsibility in our lives, I believe will continue to prove invaluable.

Triggering a Whole New Kind of Affection

The lucky among us are familiar with what romantic love feels like. By most accounts, however, that intense form of love pales in comparison to the unconditional love of a parent.

We all mess up — this much is undeniable. And, assuming you own your mistakes and genuinely intend to improve on them, the only obstacle left for your partner is that of overcoming resentment and genuinely forgiving your screw-up.

And you know what helps a lot with that? Turning to your partner, puffing out your cheeks and crossing your eyes like the over-sized child that you are! I mean, we’re all still children at heart, right? I can tell you exactly how old I was when I realized with terror that all those adults I trusted so blindly as a kid were roughly as sure of themselves as I am now, at the age of 30. Terrifying stuff!

We’re all still kids, just with more resources at our disposal. So why not remind your partner of that fact when they’re going through the tricky process of trying to forgive you for having messed up?

“A parent’s love is whole no matter how many times divided.” — Robert Brault

I should clarify that I’m not saying this as any kind of justification for either partner having to act as an actual parent to their partner. Mollycoddling someone who doesn’t accept their mistakes, and finding an easier way to forgive someone who does and really intends to do better are very different things.

Keeping it Fun!

At the end of the day, many testimonies have it that keeping your relationship fun is one of the best ways to ensure that you and your significant other stay together.

“You have to put work into relationships to keep them fun.” — Cecily Strong

And I’ll tell you what, acting like goofy kids around one another certainly is fun! Few things brighten up a bleak work day better than getting a video call from your significant other in which they push out their upper lip and start grunting like a gorilla.

In her article ‘Have Fun! The Importance of Play in Couple Relationships’, Utah State University’s Naomi Brower relates that “playing” together as a couple can increase bonding, communication, conflict resolution and relationship satisfaction, all while promoting spontaneity and intimacy. She also says “Some studies have even found that having fun together is the… greatest influence on overall marital satisfaction.”

Now if that’s not an endorsement, I don’t know what is!

Taken for the essence of what it is — opening the door to let out the child within— Korean aegio can open you up to a whole lot more fun, a lot less stress and more honest, fun and loving relationships.

So, what are you waiting for? Scrunch up your face, cue up your goofiest voice and give it a try!