How to Make the Most of Your Therapy Sessions

Therapy isn’t for everyone, but it worked wonders for me. That wasn’t always the case, though. In fact, like many others, I almost quit going to therapy because I didn’t think it was working. It felt like flushing my money down the toilet. I felt sadder (and poorer) than before somehow. It felt like a scam.

Research shows that almost half the people who start therapy don’t finish it. Thinking back to my early sessions, it’s easy to see why. It is often painful, awkward, difficult work. Frankly, though, I felt like garbage every day. Garbage probably somehow has more feelings than I did at that point. It turns out, smoking weed until you forget who you are is great for numbing mental and emotional pain. But it gets old. This was the first opportunity I’d ever had to attend therapy. I knew something in my life needed to change. Quitting therapy seemed like wasting an opportunity that I might not get again. Instead of quitting, I decided to adjust my process. And it worked!

Maybe you’ve been going to the same therapist for a while now and you’re wondering if you should continue going. Maybe you’ve been bouncing around from therapist to therapist because you can’t find one you connect with. Or perhaps, you’ve finally made your first therapy appointment and you’re nervous to meet your therapist for the first time. Either way, there are steps you can take to set an intention for your sessions so that you can benefit more from them.

Keep a journal.

Having a therapy journal of some kind is essential. It can be a notebook and pen. It can be a Microsoft Word document on your computer. Whatever you use, it will help you keep track of your symptoms and your progress. This will make your conversations with your therapist easier and, over time, more constructive. The easier it is, the more you’ll want to go. And the more you go, the better you’ll feel.

At the start of my therapy journey, I combined all of these journaling methods into a system that worked for me. I used my bullet journal to write down my takeaways from therapy as they popped into my head while I was out and about. Later, I would sit down at my laptop, open my bullet journal, and type up an in-depth analysis of each take away I had written down in my bullet journal. Lastly, I had a notebook that I used solely for taking notes and doing exercises from the book that my therapist suggested I read for “homework.”

Summarize each session.

As soon as possible after the session ends, take out your notebook and write down each piece of advice your therapist gave you. Often I would do this before I even left the parking lot for fear of forgetting things.

This advice usually comes in the form of tips you can apply when you’re struggling with physical anxiety symptoms, depression, sobriety, or any number of other issues. Therapists can also give you advice on handling specific situations if you just ask. I often found myself telling my therapist about upcoming events in my life that I was feeling anxious about.

Not only will your session summaries help you in the moment, but you might find they will help you later too. As you probably know by now, recovery isn’t linear. You may find yourself frustrated that things are suddenly overwhelming for you again even though you thought you had “gotten better.” I certainly feel that way. I still do sometimes. I have taken time to come terms with the reality that managing my mental illness will always be part of my life. While I’m not currently attending therapy sessions, I STILL go back and read the tips my therapist gave me 2 years ago when I’m having a rough time mentally. Summarizing your therapy sessions is especially important for your very first session, also known as the intake session.

Be honest, especially when it’s difficult.

Talking about our feelings isn’t easy. That’s why talking to a stranger about your deepest, darkest emotions can seem next to impossible. I know what you’re thinking.

You’re telling me people pay for this!?

In all seriousness, though, the more you open up to your therapist during your intake session, the easier it will be for them to help you.

Sure, your therapist is an expert on psychology. That doesn’t mean they’re an expert on you as an individual. But, hopefully, you’re at least somewhat of an expert on yourself. If you’re not, try hard to become one. Even if getting to know yourself better doesn’t help with your therapy sessions, it will never be a waste of time. Use your knowledge of yourself to your therapist’s advantage because, ultimately, it will be to your advantage too.

I bonded quickly with my therapist. I realize that makes me incredibly lucky. It usually takes people several tries to find a therapist they connect with. My mom and I have always had a pretty rocky relationship. I discussed this in-depth in my early sessions with my therapist. After a while, I started to see my therapist as a motherly figure. More than likely it’s because she sensed that that’s what I needed her to be more than anything

After I had been seeing her for almost a year, something happened that devastated me. When I told her about a specific issue I was having, I didn’t feel that she took it seriously enough. It hurt my feelings so much that I cried when I left.

My first instinct was never to speak of it again. Just the thought of bringing it up with her made my heart race. But communicating my feelings was a muscle I was learning to flex and this seemed like the perfect opportunity to do that.

So I told her. When I brought it up at the start of our next session, I burst into tears immediately. I sobbed through our whole conversation. She apologized for being insensitive. She asked how she could have handled the situation better. She told me that she was glad I had told her so she could be a better counselor. She even told me she was proud of me because, clearly, I had been terrified to mention it. I have to wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t been honest. My theory is that my resentment would have built up until I quit seeing her. Thankfully, I was honest with her because she isn’t a psychic. She’s a therapist.

Set a goal for your recovery.

Compare where you are in your recovery process with where you started. As time goes by, you will (hopefully) start noticing subtle changes in how you feel. If there is anything in your life that seems better or easier than it was yesterday or last week, take notice. Write it down. Document your incremental progress. It may seem stupid at first. But it is so satisfying to have tangible proof that you’re better than you were when you realized you had a problem.

Conversely, when shit sucks, notice that too. Compare where you are in your recovery process with where you want to be. Notice when your social anxiety keeps you from going out with friends or meeting new people. Notice when you don’t want to do something you normally think is fun. Write it all down and talk to your therapist about it at your next session.

Before I started attending therapy, I’ll be honest, I had no idea how to control my emotions or manage my social anxiety. As an “adult,” (whatever that means) this started to become progressively more embarrassing for me. I lost my shit over the smallest things. What made all the difference was the realization that it was a problem and that I could try to fix it.

Do the homework.

My therapist recommended a book to use for my homework assignments. I bought it used from Amazon for about $5. I say all of this to say that I’ve had this book for 2 years and I still haven’t technically “finished” it because I haven’t’ completed all the exercises. This work can be emotionally and even physically exhausting. It’s okay to go at your own pace as long as you’re putting forth effort. Plus, it’s easier to digest the information and implement it into your life slowly rather than trying to do everything all at once. Be patient with yourself.

Set aside time to prepare for each session.

My intake session lasted an hour and a half. When I attended my first normal session, I was shocked when the time ran out after 45 minutes. It felt like I had barely sat down in the chair! In my sessions, the time flew whether I was having fun or not. That was what shocked me the most about going to therapy. Time management has always been a struggle for me.

I told my therapist that it stressed me out to run out of time each week. There was no way to lengthen our sessions because my insurance wouldn’t cover it. She suggested that I rank what I wanted to discuss most before each session in order from most important to least important, and then discuss them in that order. It seemed so obvious, but this advice was exactly what I needed. It helped so much that sometimes I found that I even ran out of things I wanted to say with a few minutes to spare.

In addition to helping your sessions to be successful, setting aside this time in your day gets you in the habit of checking in with yourself. As a child, I wrote in a journal every day. I continued to do so until I graduated from college. For years after graduation, I quit checking in with myself. I was stuffing my emotions down as far as they could go. Whether consciously or unconsciously, I numbed myself so that I could survive my day-to-day life. I was miserable but I wouldn’t acknowledge it. Every time I did, I fell apart.

Learning to “check in” with myself again helped me to remember why humans have emotions. Our emotions are simply built-in tools to help us build what serves our highest good.

After all, we need these tools. We need to check in with ourselves. The world is constantly in flux. It can be overwhelming.

Why deny yourself these tools? Sharpen them instead.