How To Make Adult Friends And Keep Them
Making friends in middle school, high school, and college is a completely different game than making friends as an adult and in the workplace.
When we were kids making friends was easier. We spent eight or more hours together, we would have recess between classes, sometimes we had after-school activities together and we had everyday moments and interests in common. As a teenager not many changes except for the fact that some get the high school boyfriend or girlfriend and that becomes a new discovery for all of us, and we had SATs to worry about. In college things start to shift as some of us move to a new city, we have jobs to help pay our bills or to have extra pocket money to help our parents out and we start stepping into adulthood. As an adult, it’s a completely different game.
We start a job in a new workplace. We may move to another city once again and we are starting our lives from scratch. When we start working in a new place it’s natural to make friends and connections with our co-workers but the difference now is that at work you actually need to show results or finished tasks at the end of the day, unlike school where we could pull an all-nighter to finish that paper or group assignment. Adding to that, we all have our own lives to care for, a house to pay, a car payment, groceries to shop for, cooking our meals if we want to eat, and cleaning up after ourselves. We may spend the same eight hours together but the investment and attention we give to our friends are cut in half.
As an adult, I find that keeping friendships is as much of an investment and priority as it is to clean my house. If I want to stay connected with people I need to make time to be with them or talk to them. However I need to be aware that they have their lives too, they have their own sh*t to care for and I need to understand that they might not have the time for me every time that I might be free for them. I’m that friend as well that will not be calling you every day or even every week. I check in every two weeks with you and catch up then because honestly nowadays with social media we post most of our stuff anyway so there’s not that much to share. This said, I am that friend that no matter when, where, what time, if you need me or if something happens, you can bet your ass I’ll drop everything for you and go. So how do we make and keep friendships as adults?
Making New Friends
- Get out and small talk
I’m a big believer in knowing my community and the people from my neighborhood. Now I don’t know if this is a European thing or not but for me it’s key to feel at home and to know the faces that are living in the same place as me. Some of the best people I’ve met are my neighbors and we meet at the same time for a coffee before heading to work at the local coffee shop or at the local grocery store after work on our way home to make dinner. Small talk started the relationship and it developed into knowing their families, their homes, knowing we can count on each other if someone needs medical assistance or just a cup of sugar.
2. Your Hobbies Will Make You Friends
As we grow up we develop many different interests and some of us even go further and make those interests our jobs. Either way, what we do in our spare time or what we are interested in can be a great way to meet new people and make friends. That good old book club or that pottery class, that online event on mindfulness or whatever you’re into can be a great way for you to connect to new people who like the same things you do and create friendships based on your hobby.
3. Friend Of A Friend
Many times it has happened to me that my friends introduce me to someone that is their new or old friend and we end up connecting and becoming friends ourselves. I have changed countless jobs, and cities just like my friends so we end up at different times meeting their other friends, and the circle just gets bigger and bigger. Allow yourself to introduce new people to your circle of friends and allow your friends to do the same with you.
4. Online Communities
During the pandemic, the world was forced to go inward and retreat and as a result of that we ended up turning to our devices to connect and make friendships online. Much like online dating, there are apps and communities where you can make pen pals and friends online based on your interests, the city you live in, your jobs, what have you. Instagram is another great way for you to connect to people that are interested in the same topics as you and most creators nowadays have online communities and events that you can be a part of and make new friendships there.
How To Maintain Those Friendships
- Make Time
Like I said before if we want to have friends, we need to make time for them and make them a priority. Set up a day together for you to meet up, have lunch, go shopping, go to a concert, go try a new activity together. Making plans even if is just one or two hours together once a month will be a great way to maintain your friendship.
2. Know Each Others Boundaries
Yes, boundaries. If you know your friend doesn’t like to be called late at night unless it’s an emergency, respect that. If you know your friend likes to spend their day off with their spouse, respect that. The same applies to you. If you don’t like it to have people just showing up at your house without letting you know first, make that known to your friend and have them respect that. If you have a rule to have your phone off by a certain time and your friend keeps calling you to go out after they know you’re not up for anything, let them know. Boundaries are essential in any and every relationship so have them be very clear so that everyone knows when and where to step.
3. Share Your Feelings
Letting your friends know how they impact you, what you expect from them and what you feel you receive from them and makes them special is so important. Most of us go by life without letting the people around us know how important and special they are until it’s too late. Both positive and negative feedback. In my opinion you only have a real and deep friendship if you can openly tell the person both good and bad things that they might be doing or thinking. If you have that friend you turn to when you’re feeling sad and need a warm hug or a comforting word from, let them know. If you have a friend that is super organized and has the best advice on how to act or what to do next, let them know. If you have a friend that is comedy central and makes you laugh and is a good company, let them know. Expressing how we feel for each other is the best form of flattery.
4. Friends That Are Family
Our true friends become family. They are as important to us as a family member, we open our hearts and our homes to them, for good and bad moments we are there for each other and we even grow together as a group. One of the biggest joys of making friends is knowing that as we mature and grow and life goes by, we have each other’s backs and as we age we have people that we chose outside of our own blood to be as involved and as close to us as our family. Celebrating life moments together no matter how big or how small can really deepen your friendship and create a family type of bond.
