Well, it is Friday — and in my house that is a holy day, unless I’ve got to work a Saturday shift.
Yes, that’s right. I have a day job. Someday I hope to make enough from my writing to do this sort of thing full time. If I get enough followers and enough people reading all of my dirty little stories then I can happily stay at home everyday and just write my fool head off.
Mind you, I work from home ever since this whole pandemic started — so I can’t complain too much. Making a living in your pajamas is not that far off from living the dream, now is it?
Only we were talking about Friday.
Friday, according to the history books, was named after the Norse goddess Frigg. Which, by my way of thinking means that Friday is a very good day for frigging around and doing sweet frig all!
Still, folklore experts will argue that it was named after Freya, the Norse goddess of marriage and the wife of Odin. Other experts claim Freya was simply a bastardization or better yet a bowdlerization of the name Frigg. And then other folklorists are of the opinion that Frigg and Freya were two separate goddesses and that Odin married and frigged around with the other.
Which only goes to show you that opinions are like assholes. Everybody’s got one and each one is generally full of shit!
I’ve got my own opinion about what Friday really is.
I believe that the name “Friday” is derived from the historical fact that by the time you reach Friday all of those meals you had cooked ahead for the week are all gone, and you wind up throwing whatever you can in the bottom of the refrigerator into the bottom of a fry pan and sizzling it up. Fried mustard on fried lettuce with a couple of dried up bread heels and that last little scrap of peanut butter in the jar.
Hence, Fry-Day!
Now this Gypsy Soup recipe was given to me by my Granddad, who may or may not have had a streak of Romany blood running through his veins depending on which side of the family you talk to.
Then again, Granddad knew an awful lot of stories.
Making Gypsy Soup
“A person is not a human being until they can build themselves a proper pot of soup.”
So, you say that you want to learn how to make a proper pot of soup.
Well, let me show you how.
First, slice an onion. Everything good starts with onions. God himself once told me that he built the world out of a single red onion.
Would I lie to you?
Slice a couple of sweet potatoes. Slice them thin — thin enough to cut your finger upon. Slice a few carrots, a zucchini — preferably yellow. Some celery — lots of celery.
Whatever you can borrow.
Whatever you can steal.
Buy it, if you have to.
Put the pot on to heat. If you do not own a pot go and buy one. Or steal it.
If you cannot find a pot then go and hang yourself from a rope.
If you cannot find then just go somewhere and think of a rope. Perhaps it will come to you.
While you have been looking for the rope the pot should be nicely hot.
Put your finger in and touch the pot and see.
Did you burn yourself?
Stupid.
Would you do everything that you are told to do?
Throw the onions in first. Then a little garlic to keep away colds and other bad people.
Pour in a big can of diced tomatoes. Or a small can if you cannot afford a big one. Or no can at all — if you don’t really like tomatoes.
But if you don’t like tomatoes there is no hope for you.
Go and find that rope.
Or else you could chop a fresh tomato if you had it — but for me that is too much like work.
Pepper it.
Lots of good black pepper.
Pour on chicken stock. Enough to cover the vegetables. If you do not have enough chicken stock go back and find that rope.
Or add water — whichever is easiest.
Listen — you are making soup — not rocket scientists.
Finally, add a can of chick peas.
No — I do not know which came first — the chicken or the pea. I suppose it depends on how much the chicken has had to drink.
Wait for the stock to boil. You could sing to it while you wait — singing is good for a person’s spirit. But do not spit in the soup for that is bad luck — especially if you are going to eat that soup later.
Better yet — you could always clean up the kitchen while you wait for the soup to boil.
It’s not rocket science!
When it boils turn the heat down as low as it will go and put a lid upon the soup.
Let it sit and simmer for an hour.
Or two hours.
Or all morning long.
Your kitchen will smell good.
Your lover— who has a cold today and is craving good hot soup — will thank you for it.
Remember — you do not really need a recipe to cook. Cooking is just how a person stretches their soul and teaches it how to breathe. You need to give yourself good scents so that your soul has something splendid to inhale.
