Humor

How to Make $375,809,638.40 on Medium in 30 Days

Get ready to have your mind blown! It is possible.

Money! Money! Money! Do I have your attention? If you are like many writers on this platform, you wonder and ponder and ask others, “How do I make some money from my articles?” I know I did.

I read all the articles that told me what I was doing wrong, what to do right, and how earnings are really calculated. And I still don’t know! But I am trying, and having fun doing it. So I did more research and discovered my own solution, which may not be as difficult as it sounds. And it all stemmed from my earnings from my first two published articles.

I’m relatively new to Medium. But the first two articles I published doubled in earnings in two days: from .35 cents to .74 cents. Using the .35 cent figure as a baseline, I said to myself, “Self, I wonder how much I would have made if it doubled every day for thirty days?”

I did some heavy-duty research and found this simple equation you can use to determine how much you can make off of Medium if you make a penny the first day, and double it every day thereafter. Then I did the same thing with the .35 cents I made on day one and carried it out to 30 days.

This equation is for doubling a penny every day for a year. I found it on answers.com. which I thought would still help with the 30 day time limit. The link to the equation is here. But I quoted it down below.

The equation for the amount you have reached on a given day is 2n-1, where n is the days since starting. For example, on the first day 21–1 = 1 penny, while 2200–1 = 8.035 x 1059 pennies on the two-hundredth day, and 2365–1 = 3.758 x 10109 pennies on the last day. ( Ahh, I see. So simple.)

The equation for the whole amount is Σ1365 (2n-1), where the sigma represents the sum of a series and the range is from day 1 to day 365. (Okay. The Sigmas I know. Their sorority was awesome! They threw the best parties at college!)

Another way of looking at it, which doesn’t involve scary “sigma” signs, is this:

Whereas X is set equal to “the number of pennies one would receive on the last day of the year after starting with one penny and doubling it every day”, then X would equal 2 to the 364th power. (I think I prefer the Sigmas. They were much more fun than this other way!)

2 to the zeroth power is one. First day.

2 to the first power is two. Second day.

2 to the second power is four. Third day.

2 to the third power is eight. Fourth day.

Etc.

(Lost me right about here. Ah, who am I kidding? Lost me at the beginning when I found out math was involved.)

Note that each power is one less than the day in question. Therefore, 2 to the 364th power would show you how many pennies you would receive on the 365th day. (Now this part I truly understand.)

However, one must then perform this equation, for the total number of pennies one would have at the end of the year: (Uh oh. I thought we were finished. ANOTHER equation? I better call my 8th grader for help.)

2 to the zeroth plus 2 to the first plus 2 to the second…plus 2 to the 362nd plus 2 to the 363rd plus 2 to the 364th = Y, whereas Y is equal to “the total number of pennies one would have at the end of the year”. (“Zeroth?” What the hell is a “zeroth?” Is that even a number?)

Yet, an easy short cut is to realize that one need only take the value of X (which is equal to how many pennies you receive on the last day of the year) and subtract one, in order to see how many pennies you had received on the first 364 days of the year total! (Oh! I get it now! No, I really don’t.)

Then add that amount to X, and you will have Y (which is equal to the total amount of pennies you have for the whole year). Or, X plus (X-1) = Y. (Y, oh Y did I think I could even begin to figure this out?)

Another simpler way is to let someone else do the work. In this case, I found the charts below on the website Global Wealth Protection.

Now, if these charts are accurate, then earning a penny on your article the first day, then doubling each days amount for 29 more days would force Medium to write you a check for $5,368,709.12. Holy Carp, Batman!

The problem, of course, is the second chart, below. This is where they subtract 30% capital gains tax DAILY. Because the COMPOUNDING of the total is interrupted by taxing DAILY, you only end up with $48,196.86. (At least that’s what I am guessing, based on the below chart, because I really have no clue).

Now, I ain’t no rocket scientist accountant financial whatchamacallit, but if those numbers are correct, and capital gains tax is taken out daily then, well, that just SUCKS!

But, since we are using MY example of .35 cents the first day and doubling it, and it is MY article (and fantasy) we will pretend their is NO government and thus, NO daily capital gains tax.

So, my total, after starting with .35 cents the first day and doubling it every day for 29 additional days IS: I have no fucking idea! What, you think I can really do this kinda math? Hell, I need my 14 year-old’s help to calculate how old I am every birthday.

But seriously, after spending hours trying to multiply .35 cents by two, then doubling that 29 times on a calculator and missing the correct button with my sausage fingers 42 times, I finally came up with a figure. See chart below:

It appears if I double my .35 cents a day for 30 days, Medium would owe me $187,904,819.20!

One article, baby, just one. That’s all I need. Really, that is the only need I have in this world. Of course, with that one article, all my other needs and wants will be met.

However, being the greedy bastard I am, I doubled for 31 days, since, well, I’m greedy and some months have 31 days so, why not? Doubling one more day would give me $375,809,638.40.

Yep, you heard right. I started with .35 cents, doubled it every day and I am now in the 1% club.

Nothing personal, but it’s been nice knowing ya!

Many thanks to Susan Brearley for her sage advice.