How to Love Yourself Minus the Guilt Trip

10 actionable steps to boost your health and wellbeing

Most of us women have no idea what it means to really love our ‘loved ones.’

Does that statement shock you? Maybe makes you feel annoyed or outraged even?

I mean, you live for your loved ones, your children are your life, right?

Read on and you will find out how wrong your thinking is, even though, your intentions are right.

Putting her own needs first has sent most women on endless guilt trips for generations.

Putting her own needs first has sent most women on endless guilt trips for generations. With the highly likely result of a burnt-out, bitter wife or mum battling physical and emotional ailments sooner or later.

Who suffers along with her? Her ‘loved ones’ of course.

The simple solution is to learn to love yourself without guilt through these actionable steps:

1. Take this free Well Being Quiz to assess your current state of well being

Record your results somewhere for future reference. Then begin your journey on improving your score through the following steps.

2. Take note of how much you are doing for others

Sometimes we need visual reminders to actually take stock of how much of ourselves we end up giving. A simple tracking system on a calendar for all your chores and responsibilities that can be ticked off — I use a green vivid marker to tick off mine — will give you a sense of immense accomplishment and keep that guilt at bay.

3. Be your own best friend

Yes, you have heard this one before and it may sound like a cliché, but it does work. We’re the best at boosting a friend’s morale, yet most of us struggle to turn our inner critic into our advocate. As psychologist Leon Seltzer of Del Mar California explains, we cannot stop being critical of ourselves in case our worst fears turn into reality.

Try to flip this consciously for a week. Compliment yourself when you accomplish something, give yourself a treat, try a beaming smile at your own reflection that says, ‘Hey girlfriend, you are awesome!’ If you catch yourself doing any negative self-talk, stop and rewrite that script in your head.

4. Say ‘No’ to unfair demands in order to say ‘Yes’ more meaningfully

As Dr. Libby Weaver, noted nutritional biochemist, author and speaker, says in one of her articles, “Having great boundaries is about accepting that you’re not superhuman and respecting what you’re truly capable of saying ‘yes’ to.” She goes on to explain that when we know to prioritise what really matters, we say yes with more authenticity and come across as truly caring to those we help. Maybe some pointers on how to say no with love might help?

5. Teach yourself to pause and listen to your body and mind

Dr.Weaver, in her book Rushing Woman’s Syndrome, gently points out to us that chronic rush leads to chronic stress. Which in the long term, has very negative consequences on every aspect of our lives, including our relationships and families. She recommends we take a deep breath that takes seven seconds to exhale, to reach a state of calm. Then take time to tune in and find out what signals our bodies and minds are giving us about our needs.

We’re all different, so what gives you a sense of wellbeing? Maybe a bubble bath or a Nature Walk? Or listening to some soothing music in solitude? Whatever it is, you owe it to yourself.

6. Set up a self-nurture schedule and mark it on that calendar

That is ‘your time’. Lock it in and guard it zealously. Remember, another well- worn cliché that still holds true. You cannot pour from an empty cup. If you want to be there for your loved ones, you’ve got to be there for yourself first, right? Get rejuvenated and re-energised so your family gets the best of you, not the depleted dregs of a woman who has run herself to the ground.

7. Tell your loved ones about your journey of self-care

Sometimes the ones closest to us are oblivious to what’s going on with us, simply because we haven’t told them. Remember, not everyone has the capacity to read signals or hints you may be giving out about how overworked and under-appreciated you’re feeling. Sit them down and tell them that you need to change a few things around so you feel healthier and happier. Children especially will value quality time with an energised mum over having you around for the most part of the day but in a frazzled state.

8. Believe in the Mantra: ‘ I am enough’

Self-love can often be confused with self-indulgence bordering on narcissism. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. The need to be loved is an inherent human condition. We are the only species where a baby may die if not touched or spoken to with love. But somehow we believe that we have to keep giving more and doing more to earn that love.

Believe with all your heart that you are already good enough, kind enough and caring enough.

9. Take the Well Being Quiz again to see how far you’ve come

Compare your scores and focus on where you have made gains. Don’t forget to congratulate yourself on your success!

10. Spread the word and share your journey with others

Now that you can successfully love yourself minus the guilt trip, share your success with other women who might be inspired by you. Spread the word through Facebook or Twitter, post a beaming photo of yourself on Instagram. Or if you are more of a private person like me, start a blog, write a poem, start a Gratitude Journal or even just tell others who want to know.

But above all remember, now you know how to love yourself minus the guilt trip. Look ahead to happy times with friends and family with you feeling fresh and rejuvenated. Now, you can give your time and energy to your kids without feeling depleted.

Doesn’t it feel great to finally get the balance right between looking after yourself and taking care of those you love?

Congratulations on completing this awesome journey!