How to Love Your Enemies a Little More Each Day

Make space for more love in your life because hate never dispels hate

Almost all of us have limits to our love.

If we didn’t, the world would be an entirely different place. Our experience as a human being would be very different too.

Can you imagine a world where everyone loved fully? Isn’t that kind of world you’d truly wish to live in?

If so, creating that world begins with you.

You might wonder, “How?”

You might ask, “Is there a way to dismantle the limits of our love? Is there a way to learn to love fully? Is there a way to nourish ourselves with love, and then extend our love boundlessly so it even embraces our enemies?”

Yes, there is!

It’s call the practice of loving-kindness.

But to enter into such a practice fully, you must completely change your views on aggression, hatred, and enemies.

So let’s start by looking at the fallacy of hatred.

“To see the all-pervading Spirit of Truth, one must be able to love the meanest of all creation as oneself.”—Mohandas Gandhi

Revenge is Sweet Poison

Hatred is a strong word.

Most people think, “Hatred? Not me.”

Nevertheless, they find it easy to justify their own micro-aggressions. They’ll blame the other person, who they say, deserves their wrath.

But if you hold on to the belief anger is justified “just this time,” you’ll find it hard to master the practice of loving kindness.

Let’s take a look at revenge, for example.

Chances are you’ve been hurt, and have felt the compulsion to lash back. I’ve been the victim of a violent crime so I know. It’s only human to feel tempted to retaliate.

Revenge might taste deliriously delicious for a moment. But in the end revenge is a sweet poison that darkens your heart.

It takes conscious examination, commitment, and practice to curb the desire for revenge.

But usually, we operate on automatic, acting from old beliefs or habitually arising emotions. We rarely take time to look at the possible outcomes of our own aggressive thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Do they really serve us? Do they bring a positive outcome?

I know you don’t consciously want to be a link in the chain reaction of evil. But without thinking deeply about the fallacy of hatred, you can fall into seeking revenge. You can spend months, even years, plotting ways to retaliate.

But does it ever bring peace to your heart?

If you want to live in love, you must consciously reject revenge.

“Have we not come to such an impasse in the modern world that we must love our enemies — or else? The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or else we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.” — Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Only Love Can Dispel Hatred

I’ve never encountered a great spiritual leader who celebrates violence.

Have you?

They always say, “Love your enemies.”

Because hatred cannot dispel hatred. In fact, great spiritual teachers advise us to never celebrate killing.

Here’s why:

1. Killing doesn’t address the root cause of evil

The seeds of evil lie within each of us. We water the seeds of hatred in our own mind when we rejoice at someone’s death. The seeds we water are the ones that grow.

Gradually, the tendencies grow and it becomes easier and easier to repeat negativity and aggression.

But doing so only leads to our own unhappiness.

If we want a more loving world, we must plant and water different seeds.

2. By rejoicing at someone’s demise, we model the celebration of violence to the children of the world

Violence comes about for complex reasons. But it’s well known that children who live in harsh and violent families can learn aggressive behaviors and repeat them as adults.

It’s called the cycle of violence.

The cycle of violence spins on, from one generation to the next, giving birth to more and more brutality.

Is this what you want to teach your children?

3. We’re all interconnected

When you harm others, you harm yourself.

Sometimes, we can see the impact immediately. Other times, the effect is delayed and the cause may not be so obvious.

But there is always an effect—it’s the law of karma.

“The effects of our positive and negative actions may not be immediately evident and identifiable; but nor do they just fade away. We will experience each one of them when the right conditions come together.”—Patrul Rinpoche, The Words of My Perfect Teacher

4. Celebrating violence reinforces the notion that evil only exists outside of ourselves

Celebrating violence supports the notion that killing someone else can eradicate evil.

But history shows that hasn’t been the case so far.

Deepak Chopra says that evil is a learned behavior. Thus, it cannot be eradicated by returning hate for hate. But it can be changed when the right factors are brought to bear in a situation, ones that are rooted in love, compassion, and understanding.

“Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” — Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

5. Celebrating someone’s death can generate bad karma

Like a boomerang, negative thoughts, actions, and words eventually bring suffering back to you.

Celebrating killing brings a karmic result according to Eastern spiritual traditions:

“…you should know that the same karmic result comes to everyone involved [in killing], even anyone who just felt pleased about it…” — Patrul Rinpoche, The Words of My Perfect Teacher

Killing is a complex question. I don’t profess to have all the answers. But celebration is always optional. There’s no need or benefit in adding to the ocean of revenge and hatred.

“I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. “ — Jessica Dovey

A Mental Shift Is Required

It’s not easy to love our enemies without making a mental shift. Our mind needs to be strong and clear to counter deeply entrenched habitual tendencies.

When we know, in the depth of our heart, that harming others only creates more pain and eventually brings harm to ourselves, it makes sense to be vigilant about our thoughts, words, and deeds.

Making this mental shift creates the strong foundation we need for training in Loving Kindness and opening our heart more and more.

“Hatred is never appeased by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred appeased. This is a law eternal.”—The Buddha

The Practice of Loving Kindness

The practice of Loving Kindness, sometimes referred to as metta, maitri, or simply as love depending upon the particular Buddhist tradition, is one of the most powerful ways to train in loving kindness and gradually dismantle the limits of your love.

Loving Kindness is simple to learn and can be practiced by anyone, whatever your background or tradition. We do need to train in love. Otherwise, we’ll continue to succumb to baser emotional impulses.

This beautiful practice offers a progressive framework for gradually expanding our circle of love. It begins by cultivating loving-kindness towards oneself, then gradually widening the circle to include one’s loved ones, friends, teachers, strangers, enemies, and finally all sentient beings.

Learn how to practice Loving Kindness in this piece by Dr. Christine Bradstreet

Closing Thoughts

When we commit to love, we don’t close our eyes to evil. It’s not carte blanche for dictators, assassins, and perverts.

We don’t hesitate to take a stand against all forms of wrong-doing. We don’t hesitate to seek justice when it’s due. We don’t hesitate to set clear boundaries in our own personal lives.

But we have the wisdom to know that hate never dispels hate—centuries of violence have proven so. Whereas love can build a bridge, melt a stone-cold heart, and mend a dispute.

And so we aspire to open our hearts a little more each day, even to our enemies.

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