How to Lose Phantom Fat

It’s not through diet and exercise

People often say that ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder,’ and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves. ~ Salma Hayek

My oldest daughter was visiting and innocently asked me why my shirt was an X-Large. I felt myself blush. I responded with my stock answer that I like loose tops, “for freer movement, you know?” I hesitated and surprised myself when I added,

“I forget that I’m not over 200 pounds.”

I’m still getting used to my body.

“But, Mom, you’ve looked the same for over 10 years.”

I quickly rifled through the calendar in my brain. Holy Crap. She was right. In actuality, I have been the same size for closer to 15 years. 15 years.

I recounted a story to her that happened just recently. My community introduced hoodies for sale complete with the neighborhood logo. I am a fan of team spirit.

I went to the desk and asked for one. The Manager asked me what size. Without a second thought, I replied, “2 XL.”

Needless to say, he was extremely patient as he insisted I try them on. By the time we got down to the Medium, I was satisfied. He deserves a medal.

I went home feeling like a moron.

I took stock of my closet. Everything from X-Small to 2-XLarge was available. I do enjoy flowy, or blousy, but 2XL? Tapping into my inner task force for mystery unraveling, Nancy Drew, Agatha Christie, Sherlock Holmes, Joe Kenda, and Columbo, I started my research.

Why do I see myself as much larger than I am? For a total of 6 unconnected years, I was indeed, over 200 pounds. For 50 years, however, I was not. That includes my current condition.

I went for the obvious and well-used term in my sister-friend group.

Body Dysmorphia.

Sadly, we threw this term around like candy at a parade. If one of us thought we looked fat, the other would respond with an immediate diagnosis of body dysmorphia. I may have been the worst offender of misuse. For that I am sorry. We had determined that our definition was all there was to it.

‘When you don’t see yourself as others do’ was our go-to definition.

How wrong we were to recklessly use a term that has a serious effect on people. It was time to get real.

The first stop, for all things medical, was the Mayo Clinic:

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can’t be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.

When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely focus on your appearance and body image, repeatedly checking the mirror, grooming or seeking reassurance, sometimes for many hours each day. Your perceived flaw and the repetitive behaviors cause you significant distress, and impact your ability to function in your daily life.

My initial take was a relief. That’s not me by a long stretch.

And then I read it slower and really thought about each indicator. I was comfortable discounting the obvious. Intense focus, repetitive checking, and especially seeking reassurance, were not my modus operandi in life.

Is there a condition called Body Dysmorphia Light?

Why can’t I seem to get past thinking I should wear a muumuu? I become extremely uncomfortable with compliments or comments about any of my body parts. One casual remark is acceptable. If it turns into questions or if they look at me too long I feel stupid. Like a poser.

I know who lives inside me. That girl that was over 200 pounds, several times, still thinks she lives in the forefront.

My Southern Health expounded on body dysmorphic disorder.

They used the example of one who struggles with adjusting to their new, smaller body image. Image versus Reality. The vision in their mind of the pre-weight loss person prevails over who they see in the mirror.

This phenomenon is sometimes called “phantom fat” or “phantom fat syndrome.” ~ Southern Health

Interestingly enough, it was in the continued dissection of this disorder that hit closer to home.

Through diet and exercise and an unusually intimate relationship with the bathroom scale, I was able to quantify my weight. A couple of pounds up, a couple down, I was focused and made adjustments easily.

I have been putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound.

It was the more abstract self-image I wasn’t addressing.

According to a psychologist who works with surgical weight loss patients,

Giovanni M. Billings, Psy.D. ~

“Our beliefs, past experiences, relationships, cultural context, and behavior all play a part in how we think and feel about ourselves.” If some of those areas haven’t changed despite the weight loss, he said, a person might still feel the same way about themselves as they did when they were heavier.”

Generally, unresolved issues or baggage were present before the weight loss. Everything from insignificant childhood remarks to dramatic bullying may have planted the seeds to lower self-esteem or developing a poor self-image.

Now what?

I took the route of insight and acceptance. Self-love. Reminding myself that my nickname growing up of “Big Lisa” had nothing to do with my actual size.

The Lisa who lived next door was much younger and thereby smaller.

The narrative in my head is getting an overhaul.

I am not Big Lisa.

I will embrace the girl who was quite a few inches taller than her close friends and always felt gawky and ill-fitting.

It’s time for me to put to rest that I was always on the bottom of the cheerleading pyramid.

I was ignoring the root cause of my phantom fat and avoiding the abstract. I believe in myself and feel up to this task.

Knowing the actual issue gives me a leg up.

Of note is that body dysmorphic disorder affects men and women equally. It is treatable if anxiety with your body image is overwhelming.

This disorder is more about our mental health than physical weight loss.

How to Lose “Phantom Fat”

It’s difficult to bring self-perception and reality into alignment.

Some people might need to deal with a relationship in which the person’s weight played a key role, or with past experiences of being bullied or shamed. Others may need to practice telling themselves different messages about their size. ~ Giovanni M. Billings, Psy.D.

Only you know the severity of your condition. Counseling is always an option. Anti-depressant medicines can be effective. Many sufferers of body dysmorphic disorder have underlying depression or signs of OCD.

This condition is more about anxiety than appearance.

Image versus Reality. Thankfully, there are professionals to help if body dysmorphic disorder is interfering with your daily living.

You deserve to enjoy life.

Help yourself lose Phantom Fat.

You are not alone.

If you are always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be. ~ Maya Angelou

Thank you for reading ~ you can find more of my Mental Health Awareness Articles Here: