How to Lose 10 Guys in a Day

Alright, alright, alright

I made a bet with my coworker than I could get a guy to break up with me in 10 days by doing all the typical things women do wrong in relationships. It was the easiest money I ever made in my life, and here’s how I did it:

• While the guy was trying to watch the big game, I kept distracting him by crying for no reason and talking to my Chihuahua as though it were a human child and kissing it on the lips.
• I shaved the guy’s pubes while he was sleeping and glued them on my face like a mustache. Then in the morning I acted like this is just something that happens when I sleepwalk.
• I flushed all his porn down the toilet. Now, he has to buy a new laptop.

After me and the guy broke up, my coworker was eager to recoup her losses, so she issued a new challenge.

“Instead of losing one guy in 10 days,” she said, “now you have to lose 10 guys in one day.”

“No sweat,” I said.

The hard part was gathering the 10 guys in a room and getting them all to be my boyfriends. This required giving a lot of blowjobs, which made my jaw sore. But then, getting them to break up with me was a snap. I just had to send the video of the blowjobs to all their wives.

Now, my coworker is broke. To be honest, I’m worried she might have a gambling problem.

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