How to Live with an Abusive Partner and Keep Your Sanity

If your abuser is a family member, the abuse will probably keep happening and leaving may not be your best option.

I thought love meant tolerating everything your partner does at a younger age because we are not perfect, and our individual interests differ.

What I didn’t realize is that abuse can be masked in the guise of love. We tolerate abuse, even to an extreme, accept it as normal for a particular tradition.

I once loved a narcissist who caused me the worst pain of my life.

If you’re wondering who a narcissist is — they’re people who have a tendency (consciously or unconsciously) to use manipulative words, language, behavior, and mind games to harm, change, or otherwise control their partner’s behavior.

People with psychopathic traits such as narcissism, impulsivity, predisposition, and bipolar who also exhibit antisocial behavior are considered psychopaths.

The reality of loving a psychopath

Psychopathic features can arise during childhood and worsen over time. They do not have the ability to experience affection or form bonds.

They don’t care how their behavior affects other people. Loving a psychopath is usually one-sided.

As a result, it can be incredibly difficult to detect emotional abuse when you’re stuck in a relationship with a narcissistic person.

The initial stages of the relationship can be all kisses and roses until they get bored, then their toxic behavior starts to spread like wildfire through all areas of your life.

You start to lose touch with friends and family. He will encourage and sometimes even demand this behavior.

Until it hits you- as if you woke up from a nightmare. The mask falls off, and hell becomes a small grasp of your reality. It is the first shock of betrayal- of something not quite right.

“Breaking up with a psychopath is like ending an addiction.”

Every withdrawal of the drug leaves you in a daze. Your addiction is witnessing your pain, and your addiction is trying to regain its validation.

If you’re in love with a psychopath but don’t know how to free yourself from his grasp, your best bet is to create a mental barrier between you and him.

Stop blaming yourself

To free your mind, you must first break your thinking pattern.

Start by stepping away from the blame game and thinking about how to deal with it.

When you look back on past events, you often look at how you could have done things differently to avoid a crazy altercation or a regrettable outcome.

You can’t change the events of your relationship, so stop assuming you could have done something to prevent a psychopath from hurting you.

Stop making excuses for bad behavior

So you want to leave your abusive partner, but ask yourself, “Do you really want to?” “He is not that bad.”

If this is you, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Most people are stuck in an abusive relationship because they are in conflict with the bad behavior of their partners.

To get a clearer picture of your feelings. Write down how you feel after each attack that triggered anger, happiness, resentment, regret, etc.

You need to think about why things didn’t go well between the two of you. What went well and what went wrong.

You must learn these lessons in order for your next relationship to be successful.

Adopt a different mindset

According to human psychologists, ignoring our thoughts frees the mind.

Here’s an example you should consider: Imagine you’re at the bottom of a deep blue ocean, watching as the water dances in rhythm.

See yourself as the blue sea, deep and calm. Notice how all your thoughts pass by. I always feel relaxed when I listen to the sound of the ocean waves.

Don’t let your abuser hold you back by creating beautiful memories of the life you want.

Forgive them for your sake

Forgiveness is not something we do just for the other person. We forgive so that we can live free from the acute suffering that comes with holding on to the past.

Recognize that forgiveness does not mean that things will go back to the way they were.

You forgive by accepting that you cannot change who he is or what he has done.

You can accept that there are good things in him without giving him power over your heart or mind.

Remember that you have no control over their behavior, only yours. So no matter how much pain you have endured, forgive your peace of mind.

Be intimate with yourself

Loving yourself is a great key to undoing the shackles of any addiction, even if the addiction is towards a person.

You cannot think clearly, be creative, or reflect on the best way to handle a situation when you are emotionally unbalanced.

Take care of yourself. Meditate, exercise, take a long walk, and get comfortable spending time with yourself before entering into another relationship.

Love yourself enough to avoid risking your present and your future.

You are responsible for your feelings

Getting out of an abusive relationship isn’t easy, but you deserve to live without fear.

You need to feel comfortable being alone and confident that you can live without them, that you are responsible for your actions and the consequences that come with them.

No one will live your life for you. And when you realize that you can take care of yourself and move on without them, you’ll be motivated to make the necessary decision to free yourself.

If you would like to get updated with stories like this in your inbox, subscribe to my newsletter. You might want to become a premium member, for as low as $5 you get the chance to read unlimited stories on Medium. Check out more of my relationship stories here.