Start being authentic if you want to find joy in this life

There’s no secret to living a better quality of life. It all comes down to living authentically.

by: E.B. Johnson

If you’ve bloomed in the age of social media, then odds are you know how challening it can be to stay real in this high-pressure world. We are constantly being told how to look, how to behave, how to believe; there’s literally no part of our lives that isn’t put under pressure by some aspect of our society, but overcoming that takes getting in touch with our authentic and core self.

Living an authentic life is an important step in achieving happiness and fulfillment, but it’s not one that everyone finds their way to. In order to be authentic, we sometimes have to break with the images of who we were or what we wanted — but it’s all so that we can find the greater joy and meaning that will fill our life with the sense of hope we’re searching for. If you want to be happier, odds are you need to start being true to yourself…but that’s something only you can determine.

What modern living looks like.

Our modern world is a chaotic one and one that is filled with trouble, heartache and hardship. It’s hard to keep yourself grounded, centered and happy — let alone remember to drink enough water and tackle all the to-do’s that fill up your day-to-day life. The real key to overcoming the challenges of everyday life is learning how to cultivate a strong sense of who we are and what we want, but that authenticity can be hard to connect with.

Living with authenticity means living in line with who you are at your core. Though on the superficial level, we might think of it as wearing the clothes we want to wear, or saying the things we want to say, it’s far more nuanced than that. True authenticity comes when we align our actions, our reactions and beliefs with our behaviors, our outlooks and the way we approach our mental and emotional perception of life.

Being authentic means being in sync with who you really are, and it means being there for yourself and sticking up for yourself when the going gets tough. When you’re authentic, you gain a higher sense of self-worth, a greater follow-through on goals and even boosted self-confidence and coping skills. It’s a powerful tool that we can utilize in a number of ways in our lives (when we know how), but it takes a little adventuring and understanding to get there.

Why authentic people are happier.

There are a number of reasons that those who live authentically are happier, but they essentially boil down to these 3 things: the authentic person is one who is manifesting their own happiness, overcoming the obstacles and creating healthier, more meaningful relationships.

They’re on their own path

People who live authentically are people who live entirely on their own path. This means that they are people who determine the flow of their own lives. They commit to the actions and the beliefs that to help them manifest the jobs, relationships and experiences that bring natural joy, meaning and happiness to their lives each and every day.

They’re more resilient

When you’re comfortable in your own skin and you known your own truths, it becomes much easier to handle the sometimes frantic ups and downs of modern day life. Resilience comes from a certain personal strength, and it comes to from knowing that — no matter what — you have the ability, the knowledge or finesse to make it through any obstacle that might get thrown into your path.

They have more meaningful relationships

Because the authentic person is living constantly in their truth, they attract into their lives other individuals who are also striving to do the same. More than that, because they tend to be better emotionally adjusted than those who are living within someone else’s ideals, they also are better able to open up, be vulnerable and connect. Something that comes from knowing the depth of their own strength, and their ability to survive the things that wound them.

How to be more authentic every single day.

Once we have made the decision to live more in line with our core truths, we can do so my utilizing a few techniques that allow us to chip away at what we want every day. The journey to self-realization can a long one, but it’s a beautiful one and one that leads to truly transformative opportunities when we give it a fair chance.

1. Cultivate self-awareness

The first step in getting authentic requires us to get real about what you want to do (and what you don’t). You have to be honest about who you are and what you want from this life, and you have to start building up the awareness you need to tap into your inner confidence. This takes spending time with yourself, and digging deep into the meat of who you are, and doing so on a regular basis.

A mindful journalling practice is a great place to start when it comes to getting in touch with our inner desires and emotions. Find a quiet space where you’ll be uninterrupted, and spend a few minutes each day asking yourself the important questions like, “What do you want to have accomplished by the end of it all?” and “What really matters to you?” Record your answers honestly, as they come, and don’t shy away from the truth they show you.

Only when we intimately get to know ourselves, and start recognizing the things that bring us happiness and the things that don’t, can we learn how to start forming the boundaries that will one day constitute the outer measures of our joy. Get real about what you actually want and what you don’t want in your environment. Be honest about your emotions, and be honest about the things you need in order to feel as though you are thriving.

2. Drop the perfectionism

Though we tend to think of failure as a universal concept, the fact of the matter is that failure looks different to everyone. To some, failure looks like not scoring that high paying job, while — to others — it looks like not being able to piece together the picture-perfect family. Failure is scary no matter how you look at it. But there is one core solution when it comes to getting past those nightmares of not being good enough: reshaping your perception of failure and “perfection” to one that better fits the reality of who you are at your core.

Stop beating yourself up and take a step back to consider all the things you have managed to accomplish in your life. Leave the negative things on the sideline and accept that we all make mistakes. Focus on the things you did well in your life, and clarify the decisions, skills and outlooks that allowed you to get in that headspace of achievement or success.

Another great way to rethink our definition of failure is clarify the things that really matter in our lives, and interrupt the obsessing by asking ourself some probing questions based in reality. Consider how you’re viewing the situation and then compare it against what a complete stranger (or trusted companion) might view the same circumstance. Often, when we give ourselves space or compassion (whichever is neecded) we see what we’ve done in an entirely different light. Rethink your regrets, and rethink what you consider to be failure against what true and honest failure really looks like.

3. Start being present

When we think of being present, we often assume it means focusing (on ourselves or others) — but it’s much, much more than that. Being in the moment is a powerful state of being which can help us to unlock our true potential and create more loving, compassionate and fulfilling environments and experiences for ourselves. It’s letting ourselves to be perfect just as we are, and it’s being aware of both where we’re at and how we’re feeling in the moment.

Learning how to present actually unlocks powerful avenues of emotional intelligence, which in turn allows us to better deal with the toxic stress that permeates our lives. Cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure and major clinical depression are just a few of the side-effects of living in a life that’s stressed to the max and focused on everything but the here and now. Learning how to be more mindful can transform our our perceptions and our health — but it has a number of other surprising benefits too.

Take at least 10–15 minutes to just be in your body, wherever you’re at, feeling whatever way you’re feeling. Set a timer and — at the end of the process — take another 5 minutes or so to report how blocking out the past and the future (even if only for a few moments) feels. Whenever you’re struggling to be present in the moment, or deal with some new obstacle, refer back to the journal. Does your mood improve when you spend some time just feeling the moment in your own skin? Let thing be as they are and learn to let go of your frantic attachment to the elements of your past or your future.

4. Find the meaning

While our relationships and experiences might be a stepping stone to the happiness we’re trying desperately to find, the true joy of life can only set in once we have created and clearly defined the meaning we are looking for.

Meaning is little more than the thing that drives you or keeps you persevering. When you stop looking for the universe or the people around you to give you meaning, you can find it in yourself and increase your happiness by creating an experience that is authentically yours.

Seize moments every day to take hold of things that are within your power and influence. Make investments in your future by getting involved and experiencing life with your arms wide and your heart open. The only meaning in life is the meaning you create. Spend some time with yourself each and every day until you find that meaning that is entirely your own.

5. Decide who you want to be

Dropping your need to people-please and over-do it might start with an honest assessment, but it only progresses when you decide exactly who you want to be. Living life focused on your need to serve others leaves little time for you to develop a sense of sense. Discovering that authentic self can free you from your need to serve others at the cost of sacrificing yourself.

Find a quiet place where you won’t get interrupted and still your mind with some deep breathing. Close your eyes. Imagine the picture you had of your “grown-up self” when you were a child; now, compare it against the person you are today. Is there an ideal self somewhere in the middle? Consider the things you want to change, and the person you’d like to become in 10 years. That person may not exist now, but they can, once you get real about who you are and what you really want from life.

Repeat this practice, and really investigate what it is that matters to you. Only when you are honest about what you want from yourself can you start to build a plan and take steps to manifest the future you want. Think about the behaviors and actions you’re taking now. Are they leading closer to or further away from who you want to be? Reconsider those things that pull you away from the future that fits the ideal sense of self you’re creating. Serving others might be kind, but only to the point that it begins to take away from who you are and what you want.

6. Have a little patience

Once you’re ready to start living in your truth, you have to make things easier for yourself and give yourself the chance to thrive. Our old, toxic ways will always try to win us back with those comfortable thoughts of fear and isolation. You have to step away from those thoughts and you can do so by making the world around you a beautifully distracting one.

Take small steps. Don’t rush into big changes or big investments of your time. Choose a range of new activities, small in nature, and choose things that you know you’ll excel at so that you can bolster your confidence. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh and things that make you proud. Celebrate who you are and how far you’ve come, and make it harder for your depression to pull you back under by giving yourself a chance to thrive.

Before making any big choices or leaping into any unknowns, take a few minutes to breath first and consider yourself and your emotions. Take a single task at a time and don’t allow yourself to bite off more than you can chew. Treat yourself the way you would treat others and do your best for yourself first and them second. No one knows you like you do. Not your husband, not your best friend, not your mama; no one. Take the steps you need to take to bloom when and where you need to.

7. Be the best (and only) version of yourself

One of the hardest things you can do in this modern society is learn how to be yourself unapologetically, and it’s even harder to live within that truth each and every day. We are encouraged, from every outside aspect, to be and present ourselves as something entirely different from what we truly are. Whether you’re a man, woman or anyone in-between, it’s hard to dig into the meaningful experiences of life when you’re too busy chasing someone else’s dream.

True healing starts with learning how to be yourself. Reconciling ourselves to who we were first takes knowing who we are. When you can stand confidently (and proudly) before a stranger and say — this is who I am, this is where I’ve been, and this is where I’m going — that is when you have found the warrior that is ready to battle that trauma that lurks in your past.

Being yourself doesn’t mean wearing the clothes you want or dying your hair that crazy color (though those things are certainly a part of it). It means standing up for what you think, laying personal boundaries and sticking to them, and taking responsibility for the baggage in life that is of your own making. Falsity distracts us from the path. We have to drop the charade if we want to find our path and our happiness.

Putting it all together…

Becoming authentically who we are is an important part of finding happiness and it’s an important part of creating the type of life we want to lead. When we allow ourselves to live freely, and we allow ourselves to chase the things that provide meaning and joy in our lives, we empower ourselves to manifest a meaningful experience now and in the future. Authentic living is the only way to truly get in touch with who we are, but it’s a process that takes time and it’s a process that takes a lot of introspection.

Work on developing a strong sense of self-awareness that allows you to define and determine precisely what it is you need from this life in order to be happy. Drop the need to be perfect, and drop the need to perfect the things that are happening in the future or the things that happened in the past. Start living in the present moment and embrace life for what it is. Find the meaning you’re so desperately seeking and define it entirely on your own terms. Once you’ve decided who you want to be, it’s relatively easy to discover what you really want to do. Have some patience with yourself and with life. Remember, creating the future you want is a journey that takes time and a lot of self-reflection. Start creating the life you want today by creating the best version of yourself and the future you’ve been dreaming of.