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Abstract

(2011), an article about emotion-focused decision making.<h1 id="2f64">When I flipped a coin and decided to go to Chile</h1>When I started dating my Chilean boyfriend back in April 2018, I knew he was going to go back to his country very soon. It made us both very sad. At first, we were preparing ourselves to enter a long-distance relationship. But one day I thought to myself: what if I go with him? That thought couldn’t exist in my mind without taking action. So, I made an appointment with my study-advisor to ask if it was possible to freeze my studies and continue later on. When she said yes and I was basically free to do whatever I wanted, I flipped a coin. Heads meant going, tails meant not going. The coin was starting to get warm between my hands while I had my eyes closed. I took a few deep breaths and I felt that I was smiling from inside when thinking of going. So right there, at that moment, I made the decision to go. Because it felt right.But didn’t it just ‘feel right’ because I was in love? Love makes blind, doesn’t it? Well, I truly believe that your body can tell you a lot about your relationships and if they are strong enough to be making such big decisions.<h1 id="7ee5">What is your gut feeling?</h1>So when making personal decisions, you should go with your gut feeling, also called your instinct. But what does that mean? Well, for me it meant that the answer to the question Why did you make this decision? was “because it just feels right”.But where do you feel something? And then what is so ‘right’ about that feeling?Judith Orloff is a psychiatrist and a professor at UCLA. In her book Second Sight (Three Rivers Press, 2010) she explains the different feelings one experiences during an instinctive response:“Positive and affirming instincts are often accompanied by:<ul><li>A sense of warmth</li><li>Ability to breathe more easily</li><li>Sharp clarity of hearing or vision</li><li>A wave of goosebumps, tingles or “fluttery” sensations</li><li>Relaxation in the gut and shoulders</li></ul>Negative or warning instincts are often accompanied by:<ul><li>Icy cold hands and feet; an overall chill</li><li>Twinging or clenching pain in gut or chest</li><li>Nausea or acid stomach</li><li>A sense of being on “high alert”</li><li>Fatigue or loss of energy</li><li>The onset of headache”</li></ul>I explained how I felt when thinking of going to chile after flipping the coin. I felt like I was smiling from the inside. It was like a sense of warmth and relaxation, just as Judith Orloff described the affirmative instinctive response. Those are the type of feelings you should pay attention to. Do you feel warm or cold? Do you feel relaxed or very tense? This can all indicate if a certain decision is a right fit for you at that moment of your life.<h1 id="2854">Don’t let fear lead the process of decision making</h1>Fear can be helpful and warn us of danger. But that type of fear will be felt when you listen to your body, you won’t have to consciously think about fear. For instance, when walking alone at night and you’re about to enter a very quiet ally that doesn’t look safe, you will feel your body reacting in a certain way. You could experience a sense of b

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eing on ‘high alert’ or an overall chill.However, the moment you stop listing to the signs of your body and start overthinking decisions, another type of fear and insecurities can come up. This will make you think twice. But when you notice that your fear is fear of discomfort, of being outside of your comfort zone, of the unknown, should you really listen to it?“You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.” — Michelle Obama.The process of overthinking will probably make you feel bad, confused, and overwhelmed, and, the decision you make in that state of mind will most likely not be the right one for you. Decisions made by your intuition will give you the most fulfillment.<blockquote id="1d1b">“Choosing a couch and choosing a spouse are decidedly different acts, to be sure, but both tend to provoke the kind of agonized overthinking that leads to poor choices. Using your intuitive brain in these situations, on the other hand, will almost always point you toward a lasting fulfillment.” — <a href="https://experiencelife.com/author/Courtney-Helgoe/">Courtney Helgoe</a></blockquote>So when deciding to go or not go, I flipped the coin, closed my eyes, and felt. When I closed my eyes and pictured myself experiencing life in another country, I got excited immediately. I made the decision to go because by not going I would listen to a voice that overthinks and is afraid of the unknown and discomfort. Only by being critical to that voice, you allow yourself to really grow. The excitement told my fears that it was ready to face them.<h1 id="0498">Going to Chile was my big decision, what is yours?</h1>It was September 10th, 2018. I had barely eaten anything that day because of the nerves. I arrived at the airport in the afternoon and dropped off my suitcase. It was hard saying bye to everyone who’s dear to me and many tears were shed. But after the last hug, I felt strength. I felt kind of like a badass to be doing something I never expected to be doing at that moment of my life.Building a life on the other side of the world was something that scared me, but, I made it happen. I now feel like I could make that happen anywhere in the world, and that is a powerful feeling.That powerful feeling will last forever. But the fear and insecurities I felt when not speaking the language well enough to be able to communicate with my in-laws, when I was struggling to find a job in the first few months, or when dealing with Chilean’s bureaucracy, those feelings were temporary.“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” — Lance ArmstrongI am by no means saying you should now decide to move to another country. That is up to you. Going to Chile was my big decision, maybe starting that business or buying that dream house is yours. Or maybe it means to end a certain chapter in your life, because it just doesn’t feel right anymore. Just remember to listen to your body when making that decision. Our body can often tell us so much more than we think, it’s a powerful communicator.</article></body>

How to Listen to Your Gut Feeling when Making Decisions

I was dating a Chilean for a month, booked a flight and decided to move to the other side of the world

In May 2018 I made the decision to pause my studies and move to Santiago de Chile. My Chilean boyfriend, with whom I had started dating 1 month before this big decision, was heading back to his country in June. I decided to work full-time during the summer to save money and follow him in September.

The people around me were excited for me, but also a bit surprised. Most of my friends and family didn’t even know the guy. It’s true that I had no idea what country I was going to, if this relationship was something that would last, what my boyfriend’s family was like, or what I was simply going to do there without speaking the language well enough. There was one moment I thought to myself: “Shouldn’t I be thinking about this a bit more”, but at the end of the day, nothing could change how I felt, my mind was set, and it had only taken a few seconds to come to that decision.

When coming to my decision, the only thing I really paid attention to was how the thought of going or not going made me feel. No overthinking, no hour-long calls with my best friend, no going over all the doomsday scenarios. I let my body guide me and I’ll explain how you can do the same when making any big decision in life.

Heads or Tails: Just use a coin to make your decision

Flipping a coin is one of the best ways to make the right decision. The only thing you have to do differently is to not look at the coin after flipping it. It might sound like a ridiculous tool at first, but it really helps me to make decisions that I feel completely comfortable with and empowered by. Here’s what you do:

You flip the coin and cover it with your hand
Then, instead of removing your hand, you keep it there and close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Try to feel if there is something in you secretly hoping for heads or for tails. You probably feel more drawn towards one or the other, but thoughts of fear and insecurities often take over. So now just breathe and feel, nothing more. What decision would make you feel the best?
To finish, just take the coin from your hand and put it back in your wallet. There is no need to look at the coin, it doesn’t matter what it says. It might even make you think twice. Second thoughts and doubts will only make you overthink something that you actually already know.

“(..) the current results support the notion that when the going gets tough, go with your gut — but with the qualification that one should not overthink their decision”,

was concluded in a study by Mikels et al. (2011), an article about emotion-focused decision making.

When I flipped a coin and decided to go to Chile

When I started dating my Chilean boyfriend back in April 2018, I knew he was going to go back to his country very soon. It made us both very sad. At first, we were preparing ourselves to enter a long-distance relationship. But one day I thought to myself: what if I go with him? That thought couldn’t exist in my mind without taking action. So, I made an appointment with my study-advisor to ask if it was possible to freeze my studies and continue later on. When she said yes and I was basically free to do whatever I wanted, I flipped a coin. Heads meant going, tails meant not going. The coin was starting to get warm between my hands while I had my eyes closed. I took a few deep breaths and I felt that I was smiling from inside when thinking of going. So right there, at that moment, I made the decision to go. Because it felt right.

But didn’t it just ‘feel right’ because I was in love? Love makes blind, doesn’t it? Well, I truly believe that your body can tell you a lot about your relationships and if they are strong enough to be making such big decisions.

What is your gut feeling?

So when making personal decisions, you should go with your gut feeling, also called your instinct. But what does that mean? Well, for me it meant that the answer to the question Why did you make this decision? was “because it just feels right”.

But where do you feel something? And then what is so ‘right’ about that feeling?

Judith Orloff is a psychiatrist and a professor at UCLA. In her book Second Sight (Three Rivers Press, 2010) she explains the different feelings one experiences during an instinctive response:

“Positive and affirming instincts are often accompanied by:

A sense of warmth
Ability to breathe more easily
Sharp clarity of hearing or vision
A wave of goosebumps, tingles or “fluttery” sensations
Relaxation in the gut and shoulders

Negative or warning instincts are often accompanied by:

Icy cold hands and feet; an overall chill
Twinging or clenching pain in gut or chest
Nausea or acid stomach
A sense of being on “high alert”
Fatigue or loss of energy
The onset of headache”

I explained how I felt when thinking of going to chile after flipping the coin. I felt like I was smiling from the inside. It was like a sense of warmth and relaxation, just as Judith Orloff described the affirmative instinctive response. Those are the type of feelings you should pay attention to. Do you feel warm or cold? Do you feel relaxed or very tense? This can all indicate if a certain decision is a right fit for you at that moment of your life.

Don’t let fear lead the process of decision making

Fear can be helpful and warn us of danger. But that type of fear will be felt when you listen to your body, you won’t have to consciously think about fear. For instance, when walking alone at night and you’re about to enter a very quiet ally that doesn’t look safe, you will feel your body reacting in a certain way. You could experience a sense of being on ‘high alert’ or an overall chill.

However, the moment you stop listing to the signs of your body and start overthinking decisions, another type of fear and insecurities can come up. This will make you think twice. But when you notice that your fear is fear of discomfort, of being outside of your comfort zone, of the unknown, should you really listen to it?

“You can’t make decisions based on fear and the possibility of what might happen.” — Michelle Obama.

The process of overthinking will probably make you feel bad, confused, and overwhelmed, and, the decision you make in that state of mind will most likely not be the right one for you. Decisions made by your intuition will give you the most fulfillment.

“Choosing a couch and choosing a spouse are decidedly different acts, to be sure, but both tend to provoke the kind of agonized overthinking that leads to poor choices. Using your intuitive brain in these situations, on the other hand, will almost always point you toward a lasting fulfillment.” — Courtney Helgoe

So when deciding to go or not go, I flipped the coin, closed my eyes, and felt. When I closed my eyes and pictured myself experiencing life in another country, I got excited immediately. I made the decision to go because by not going I would listen to a voice that overthinks and is afraid of the unknown and discomfort. Only by being critical to that voice, you allow yourself to really grow. The excitement told my fears that it was ready to face them.

Going to Chile was my big decision, what is yours?

It was September 10th, 2018. I had barely eaten anything that day because of the nerves. I arrived at the airport in the afternoon and dropped off my suitcase. It was hard saying bye to everyone who’s dear to me and many tears were shed. But after the last hug, I felt strength. I felt kind of like a badass to be doing something I never expected to be doing at that moment of my life.

Building a life on the other side of the world was something that scared me, but, I made it happen. I now feel like I could make that happen anywhere in the world, and that is a powerful feeling.

That powerful feeling will last forever. But the fear and insecurities I felt when not speaking the language well enough to be able to communicate with my in-laws, when I was struggling to find a job in the first few months, or when dealing with Chilean’s bureaucracy, those feelings were temporary.

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” — Lance Armstrong

I am by no means saying you should now decide to move to another country. That is up to you. Going to Chile was my big decision, maybe starting that business or buying that dream house is yours. Or maybe it means to end a certain chapter in your life, because it just doesn’t feel right anymore. Just remember to listen to your body when making that decision. Our body can often tell us so much more than we think, it’s a powerful communicator.