How to learn to think positively?

“ Think positively, read affirmations, smile at your reflection in the mirror and you will be happy ” — this advice can be heard from a blogger on YouTube, in a morning TV show, at a training and in other sources related to popular psychology.

But in most cases this doesn’t work. Why? Because you can’t, for example, lose weight by eating buns, lying on the couch, and telling yourself:

I’m slim.

No, positive thinking itself has its place. This is a completely reasonable concept; in science there is even such a direction as positive psychology. And as a skill, positive thinking is a very necessary thing. The problem is different: not all people understand this definition correctly.

First of all, you need to see the difference between blind optimism and healthy positivity :

a positively-minded person believes that he can cope with any difficulties, and an optimist believes that all problems will be resolved by themselves someday and somehow;

a positively minded person takes responsibility upon himself, and an optimist shifts it to others;

a positively-minded person recognizes the problem and makes a plan to solve it, while an optimist denies the problem (“Yes, everything is fine, don’t make things up”).

Healthy positivity based on self-belief is a productive type of thinking. Optimism with a belief in luck and destiny is a destructive type of thinking. The first is associated with an active life position, the second — with a passive one.

This does not mean that you should necessarily refuse words of support (affirmations). On the contrary, they should be used to change the course of your thoughts, but you need to do it correctly. Take responsibility :

not “My parents love me,” but “I am worthy of love and respect” (continuation: if someone does not appreciate and respect me, then I stop communicating with this person);

not “I will succeed”, but “I am doing my best to make sure everything works out for me”;

not “I’m happy,” but “I do everything to be happy,” etc.

And, of course, don’t forget to back up your affirmations with actions.

You will not learn to love yourself if you remain in the same toxic environment and forget about working through trauma.

You will not get rid of physical symptoms unless you understand their psychological causes.

You will not become happier if you do not define what happiness is for you and what you can do to become happy.

Yes, believing in yourself, supporting yourself and staying positive is important, but you need to do it the right way.