How You Can Learn To Love Unconditionally in Your Life

Try loving someone who doesn’t deserve it, and you will understand why.

Do you know it gets harder to hate someone when you understand why they are the way they are? You can learn to love them when you can grasp what makes them tick. When you accept them for who they are.

It becomes easier to love them without condition. It changes how we view people as a whole. And that is beautiful. How love can manifest in the hearts of those who are willing to understand one another!

Have you always wanted to learn how you can love someone unconditionally?

The kind of love that transcends boundaries. The type of love only mothers have for their kin, the love that can change a life. The love that aspires a student to become their great self.

The kind of expression that can change the world for the better.

A love all of us deserve in our lives. There is this question I often ponder about in the middle of the night while staring at my ceiling. In the darkness of my room, all huddled up in my blanket. I have an epiphany.

When people have hearts, why does no one understands one another?

I mean that in the sincerest and honest ways. All of us have a heart, yet only a few use it. Why are we so afraid of pain and getting hurt?

Why do we not try to give our love to other people?

Why are we hesitant? Probably fear drives our hearts more than love. That begins to answer the question of why we do not want to love someone unconditionally.

Because no matter how we phrase it, deep down, most of us are afraid to commit to understanding each other. Can we love someone whom we hate or despise?

Can we love someone who does not love us back? Can we love someone who hates us? Can we love someone who does not deserve our love?

I will answer these questions and more by carefully sharing my experiences on the matter. They have expanded the horizons of my heart and my language of love.

Because when you understand the reasons why you need to love others? It would be hard for you to not love someone who can not do the same for you.

And I believe this will change you for the better.

In my youth, I was a softy. A kid who would rush to his friends in an aspiring zest to hug them with love. As I was surrounded by people who expressed love openly from a young age.

I learned to do the same as well. This changed how I viewed relationships as a whole. As it allowed me to enjoy a diverse set of friendships that perhaps changed the course of my childhood for better or for worse.

But during my journey of expressing love, I have come across many people who rejected it.

Who abused it!

Who did not value it or value me as a whole!

Who made me feel like I was unworthy! Who never cared about me!

Who only wanted me to love them without receiving any acknowledgment in return!

In short, they abused my love, my innocence, and my decency. But with time, I learned to hone the different forms of love. And how I received feedback from it.

But no matter who I met and who I came across, I kept an unconditional pace at loving people, making them feel energetic in zest.

There was one person I believe, who I have tried to love more than anyone in my life. One person who I was never able to win over. Someone who never reciprocated my love.

No matter what I tried, no matter how many chances I gave myself and them. It did not matter. It was never meant to be. They never had any intent to be my friend, neither my comrade nor my lover.

And whatever I tried, it was like fate itself never wanted us to be together. Or perhaps that is life! What can you do about it but face it and accept it?

He was none other than my rival.

I have never written and talked about him until now. I never talk about him to my peers. And I have long forgotten and forgiven the quarrels of the past. As I grew, I believe I understood perhaps a few reasons why he did not like me.

But it is a subject that is still crowded in mystery.

One no matter how much I tried. It did not fare the best for me. It only called doom in my favor.

And let me be honest, I have tried around a decade to befriend this person. I tried everything a child could do. But he never showed any interest whatsoever in being my ally.

He was always adamant about being my enemy. He conspired to turn my own friends against me.

He made my life a living hell.

He bullied me and fought with me.

Who had hurt me badly at times, so much so that I paid for it in blood!

Throughout my childhood, this guy made me feel like I did not have value. He would try his best to ruin my day whenever I would play with my friends.

And he would try his level best to ruin my life every single day. Every evening I would try escaping his wrath. This guy was perhaps the worst bully I experienced as a kid and a teenager.

And he tried his worst to ruin my life.

This is his story.

My rival grew up in a household of three sisters and two brothers. His father was an accountant and a grumpy old man. And his mother was a casual housewife who spoiled him a lot with love. From an early age, he had a character that would insinuate complications in his relationships with people.

He was rude and harsh. And he found a way to making everybody feel like shit from time to time. He was the real-life Denice the Menace. And boy, he would irk everyone around him and causing a severe meltdown often.

Whenever I look back at his behavior, I think he suffered from some psychological disorders. Perhaps he was a psychopath, as well. As he displayed a lot of various symptoms of psychopathy from a young age.

He liked hurting others, and there would always be the devilish smile on his face when he would do it. Whenever he would annoy someone, he laughed and grinned like he was enjoying it.

He liked seeing others in pain. Looking back to it now, it is disturbing to even reminisce knowing someone like that. Imagine a boy who wants to ruin your day for the fun of it.

Imagine someone who just wants to plant your fists in his face because he engages to turn your best against you. Imagine someone who will poke and even grab your private areas by force just to have fun.

Imagine how violated you would feel.

Yes, that was the kind of antics this dude would do to irritate everyone. But when it came to me, he left no stone unturned to ruin my day. Whether it was chasing me when I was on my bike or trying to push me from my bike.

Making me fall and skin my knees or shoulders in a football game. Or just playing foul. In a game of cricket, throwing the fastball at areas where it would hurt me.

Sometimes he would throw the curveball that would hit my chest so hard that I would not be able to breathe. Other times he would hit the ball on my head, just to annoy me.

When it came to playing sports with me, this guy was an asshole. He would make an effort to annoy you to quit the game.

Only then would he start playing normal.

In short, this guy was the epitome of what ultimate bullying could be in sports. You might dislike Brock Lesnar from the WWE, but my rival would give him a run for his money. And I can assure you this guy would make him cry given longer exposures.

When it came to the bullying, he left no stone unturned to hurt me emotionally, psychologically, and physically. He would sometimes touch me in places where it would be considered molestation when it comes to children, or he would forcefully grab my butt or arms and twist them.

This really made me uncomfortable. I would be subject to laughter from the other boys. This was really hard to bear as I was not a kid who liked violence or fighting.

I mean, no one does.

The only thing I ever wanted to do was to enjoy my time outside, playing.

So I always hid and left whenever he would appear. I tried avoiding my friends altogether because of this guy. I would instead stay at home. And distract me on my science experiments, watch cartoons or play with my siblings.

I would keep to myself, and my imagination would be my only friend. Though it was lonely, I managed to have fun while I was at it as some of my friends occasionally joined in on the fun.

And children who were younger than me found me a great company to be around. So I would play with other children. It was hard in the beginning. But in time, I had learned to create a diverse community comprised of hundreds of children who would play with me.

A skill that allowed me to mentor children for the better in the future.

But there were times, this douchebag would come and ruin the fun.

He would ruin the joy of my newfound peers.

There were times, he would send his lackeys to check whether I was having fun and report back to him to retaliate.

And he would try to break into our place of sport. He also was a master sabotager. He would occasionally burst the tires of my bicycle that I would park outside different areas. There were times

I had to come back on foot just because I had a flat tire.

But I learned to enjoy whatever he would throw at me with a smile.

If you ever receive hardships or bad days, remember even a single smile can change how you receive it. It can change your moods for the better. And even alter the effects of such days.

When it came to fights, my rival would play dirty as well. One of the many reasons I learned martial arts. So that I could defend myself from this moron trying to ruin my day. I wanted to face him off with techniques I learned from my martial arts master.

He always told me that no matter what happens, you should never play on the offense. He showed me how to lower an opponent’s guard and lure them in for a quick finish. He taught me a lot of things that helped me manage the stress I received from this guy.

There were occasional times. When I was coming back from school, he would send his lackeys to rough me up. Those were some hard days. There were many times where I had to face 1v8 rounds.

Though they did hit me, I managed to get away every time.

Yet, I never ran away.

Though truth be told, I did want to avoid getting hurt because I did not want my mother to see her baby boy in pain.

I always wanted to confront my troubles head-on. I wanted to show them that whatever they do, they will never get the best of me.

And so I persisted, and in time won them over.

The only way to ever win confrontations is to learn from them. No matter how many times you fail, chances are with enough practice, you just might even your odds.

Plus, my friends found out about the lackeys, and they gave them a good ounce of beating that they rightfully deserved for picking on me.

When I was growing up, I really wished I had a big brother.

Who would defend me against this guy? But when it came to protecting others and myself, I had to step up.

I was their big brother.

Thus, in the absence of need, the things we lack are the things we usually acquire through hard work, effort, and persistence. If we lack enthusiasm, we will earn that. If we lack courage, we can get that as well.

It all depends on how we aim to change our circumstances. We can most probably change given its due time. Remember, no matter what happens, you have to persevere.

In life, there are going to be so many people. I mean, just so many who will belittle, abuse, reject, and downright treat you like shit. But you need to understand the reasons behind why they do it and counter them.

Once you do that, you can easily escape these senseless miseries that no one deserves in their life.

Like that, I became strong to face my rival, my worst enemy, a.k.a my bully. And I started to turn the tables on him pretty quick.

He did not like this.

And this is when things started to take a drastic turn.

This guy stooped to a level that only cowards used. He manipulated other people to beat me rather than facing me on his own.

The thing about bullies is that they always want to feel in control. And when you take that control away from them, they will retaliate in terrible means.

Though this retaliation will be hard to face if you do not take the right measures. You can evade them with ease, given external support. And the best way to do that is to ask outside assistance where the adults should come in to mediate these conflicts.

Remember that I did whatever I could to be his friend.

I tried giving him the same love I gave to everyone. There were so many times I gave him chances. I even asked forgiveness for my mistakes every single time.

He never cared.

He did not care.

He did not want to.

Nor did he need to.

Soon after a few, debacles and his manipulated ways were caught.

He was conditioned by the adults around him, and that somewhat controlled his behavior.

Everyone realized that this guy had a problem and started to distance themselves away from him accordingly.

During my mid-teens, I stopped playing with my friends altogether. And usually would spend my time playing with my school friends in their neighborhood.

It would take me a few 10 to 12 miles of cycling to reach them every day. And I would play with them. Remember that you should never anchor your relationships to one place or territory.

It is not healthy.

Good people will find you everywhere you aim to make friends. You will find them. You do not need to waste time with people who do not give you common courtesy.

And so I did. And it was the best decision of my life.

Soon after some time, a time came where we left that neighborhood. And during that release, I felt the most alive. I was finally able to leave that horrible place that brought so many bad memories.

And it did change my life for the better.

I improved in my schooling as well as my social self. I improved at a lightning-fast pace than I was before. And Mr. Rival, I never heard of him ever again.

And even if he tried contacting me on social media. The block button is perhaps the best option mankind has invented to remove the toxicity and negativity in our lives.

It has been around a decade now.

I have neither heard of him nor have I kept any tabs. I met some acquaintances some 7 years or so ago, and they had told me that he has changed a lot.

But I did not really care. Because honestly, I could not care!

I forgave him when I left and told him, I hope he realizes someday how he treated the people who only wanted to be his friend.

Probably the last confrontation I had with him. He was on the ground holding his family jewels, regretting picking on me.

I remember looking at him with fury, “when will you effing grow up? we are not kids anymore, you dumbass.” He was looking at me with his shitty smile. I scared him by showing him my fist that if he dares to mess with me again, the result will be the same.

And then I left.

I have not heard from him since.

I distanced myself from all the negativity in my life. As I knew, I deserved better than the experience these people had given me.

Even to this day, I do not even remember them the slightest. If I ever do get the chance to confront them, I would thank them for being whoever they were.

Because they allowed me to become a man of zest. A man who was able to win his odds. And build so much charisma into his character because of the hardships he faced.

But if they do come to me with ill intent, well, the only thing that is waiting for them on that side is my fury. And they have seen it more times than I can count. And this is one of the many reasons they have never approached me afterward.

Because I changed my energy and became a man who people would think first before they approached with a plan to hurt me.

And that has made me into someone who I can be proud of.

My peers loved ones, family, readers, and fellow writers can know me as someone who loves them unconditionally with a strong spirit of responsibility and courage.

And that has been the nurturing factor when it comes to my relationships with people. It changed my life for the better.

I do not regret the treatment or the time I spent in his wake. I forgave him a long time ago for all the wrong things he did. I wanted him to know that.

I do not hate him. I never hated him.

I will be honest with you. I always wanted to be a friend to him.

I wanted him to be my ally.

I wanted him to be on my side.

And I wanted to be by his side.

I wanted us to be the best of pals.

And during my childhood, there were some moments where we enjoyed ourselves a lot together. In those moments of hardships are some good memories as well.

But I believe my rival had a psychological problem.

Mental health awareness was not the thing back then. And people thought you were crazy if you were diagnosed with a mental illness.

If only we had proper counseling, if only he had the right parenting. His father was also another figure that played a role in his mentality. He always saw him as a war dog that would compete with me in everything.

He never liked my dad, and he wanted his son to be the accolade to make my father feel less. My father never cared for these silly matters. He was beyond these foolish comparisons.

And this agitated the father of my rival.

I believe he would also beat him. This might have been the factor that made him irk around us. His father’s toxicity perhaps translated into him through his poor parenting.

And maybe he became this vile fiend as a result.

Though I do not really get angry thinking about him.

I just feel sad at times because there is a sigh of “if only” deep within my heart for him.

I know he has done some terrible things. But I forgave him. And the case of the matter is, I have always prayed for him that may he get better. May he become a great person who can love and be loved.

I tried loving him, as a friend, as a brother. And as someone who wanted to be his comrade. I tried regardless of failure, but he was not aiming to budge.

And as time went on, I moved on. And so did he. I do hope that he did.

Because thinking about things that were never in his control and blaming himself for the things he has done is not the right way to live his life.

I hope he knows that.

I hope he gets it someday when he has a son of his son.

I hope he never repeats the same mistakes he did. I hope his son gets the best love he can get from his father.

I pray that he is well, and may God bless him with good fortune. And change his mindset towards treating people with zest.

I hope he learned his lesson and made an effort to change the error in his ways. I have heard he has changed, and I hope that has been for the better, for everyone in his life.

The Takeaway

We can only try so much in our lives to love someone who can not love us back. We will grow tired eventually when the connection we are trying to create is one-sided.

As with all things in life, If we want to create harmony, there needs to be mutual support. Without it, any relationship can crumble and fall.

All of us need to know that.

And we need to make as many efforts as we can to value our relationships with people regardless of setbacks.

And if so, even if things do not change. We can always hope and pray for others who were never able to bask in the same zest we wanted them to.

I hope all of them become good people who deserve love. I hope the world gives them the best that they deserve.

I hope they can change their ways by receiving unconditional love from someone who helps them realize that love is universal. And they need to love everyone freely.

And no matter what happens, we should never stop loving someone even if they do not deserve it. We should never give up.

Love is a gesture of good faith and zest. And we can always love someone with whom we could never connect.

Now you know, don’t you?

How I tried loving someone who did not deserve it. How he tried so hard to break me, but the only thing, received in return was my love.

All of us have a heart, and when we used it wholeheartedly, we can learn to understand that somethings are there for a reason.

When we do learn to love others unconditionally, we can learn to accept that.

And I believe that is something beautiful.

It is a hope that manifests through the pain and illness we receive.

It is a hope that can change even the coldest of hearts.

And I do believe that hope changed him for the better given time.

I hope you can learn to love others like that as well.

Maybe, someday we can look back on our lives and know that we loved other people to the best of our abilities.

And no matter what happened, we conquered life with our best.

Never fear because you have the power of love in your heart. And it can change even your worst into your best.

Thus love well without regret.

Keep smiling while receiving everything in life with zest.

And I promise you that when you do love unconditionally, to someone who does not deserve it.

You will leave them with something that will change this world and them for the better.

Peace and Godspeed.

P.S Remember to love yourself! ❤️