Summary

The content discusses the complex moral considerations surrounding the decision to lie in various contexts, suggesting that while honesty is generally preferred, there are situations where lying may be justifiable or even beneficial.

Abstract

The article delves into the nuanced topic of when it might be acceptable to lie, acknowledging that while honesty is an ideal to strive for, people often lie or omit truths for various reasons, such as self-preservation, protecting others, or maintaining harmony. It provides examples such as perpetuating the myth of Santa Claus for the sake of a child's joy, withholding distressing details of a loved one's death to aid in healing, and offering compliments instead of harsh truths to avoid conflict and preserve confidence. The text also touches on the idea that lying can be a way to balance conflicting goals, such as in negotiations where revealing one's full budget could lead to financial disadvantage. The author emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in lying, suggesting that occasional deception for the greater good may be part of human nature, but that one must be cautious not to cross the line into manipulative or harmful behavior.

Opinions

The author implies that lying can be morally acceptable in situations where it prevents harm or increases happiness, such as in the case of maintaining the magic of childhood beliefs.
There is a suggestion that selective honesty, like not revealing the full extent of a traumatic event, can be a compassionate act that aids in emotional recovery.
The article posits that lying to protect someone from immediate physical danger is understandable and may be the morally responsible choice.
The author presents the viewpoint that withholding information or not disclosing the full truth can be a strategic choice in negotiations to achieve a desired outcome without being overtly deceptive.
The text conveys the opinion that complimenting someone in a social context, despite knowing certain unflattering truths, is preferable to honesty that could harm self-esteem or provoke conflict.
It is highlighted that the intention behind lying and the potential impact on oneself and others are critical factors in determining the morality of the lie.
The author cautions against habitual lying, especially when it stems from a need for attention or low self-esteem, and distinguishes between occasional, justifiable lies and the destructive behavior of compulsive liars.

How to know when it’s okay to lie…

It’s a constant battle

The world will be a happier place when we see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.

It’s an ideal to strive for, but we fall short, most of us daily, if we’re honest with ourselves. We tell little white lies and leave broken promises on occasion, even if we don’t mean to do so. We say something that isn’t exactly a lie but leaves out the part that would make it a lie if the whole picture was given.

Compulsive liars are people with low self-esteem and a need for attention.

Sometimes we exaggerate, gossip, or protect ourselves or someone else.

We lie about others, and sometimes we tell ourselves lies:

Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.― Fyodor Dostoevsky

Is there a time when it is okay to lie?

When no one is going to get hurt

Most people will agree that it’s okay to tell kids that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy exist.

The Easter Bunny doesn’t visit our house, but a lot of kids enjoy visits from the Easter Bunny each Spring. Our kids receive small gifts that involve a family activity or reflect their personal interests. Over the years they’ve received sidewalk chalk, fingerpaints, books, journals, art supplies, and outside toys like bubbles and gardening tools.

Santa Claus comes to our house at Christmas and we’ve involved our oldest daughter perpetuating the lie with us for the benefit of our youngest daughter.

Isn’t that slimy?

Our oldest was ready to give up believing in the jolly man who wears a red suit. We asked her to recall how important the magic of Christmas is to a young child.

While hiking El Camino de Santiago, my youngest met Santa in real life. Not the commercialized guy in the red suit, but the Italian version. Babbo Natale, on the trail and he inspired our youngest to believe even more than she already did.

We wanted our oldest to think about all the times she went to bed with butterflies in her belly in anticipation of Christmas morning.

Her face lit up with love for the magic of Christmas. It didn’t make sense to keep telling her something she no longer believed. At the same time, it was important to protect the heart of our youngest daughter who still believed. We struck a deal. The oldest agreed to become one of Santa’s elves and help keep the magic alive for the youngest as long as she wanted to continue to believe.

It’s a win-win if you ask me.

To protect someone

Let’s pretend someone you love passed away in a horrible accident. Hopefully, this hasn’t happened to you in real life, but if it has, you may have strong feelings one way or the other.

Example 1: Your significant other passed away in a plane crash and you ask the doctor, “Did he or she suffer?”

The doctor makes you feel better by saying, “He or she was killed on impact.”

Would you want to know if he or she died after prolonged suffering? You can’t change what happened, but this answer can impact your healing process.

Would you want the truth or to be made to feel better in this situation?

Example 2: Someone is in physical danger, but seeking protection. There’s a knock on the door and the person on the other side is looking for the person inside. To your knowledge, no crime has been committed, but crime is likely if these two people meet right now.

How do you respond to the person at the door?

This is a slippery slope.

There are conflicting goals

You are in the market for a new car and have a strict budget so that you can balance the car payment and continue to pay all of your bills.

We could get into all the details of do you need a new car or do you want one?
What expenses can you omit?

Let’s simplify: You will buy a new or used car and you have a budget of $15,000 to make the purchase. Your actual budget is $20,000, but you don’t want to tell the salesman who works on commission. His goal is to get you to spend as much money as possible because he also has a family to feed.

Is it okay to lie?

Compliments

You are getting ready to go to a social engagement and ask your significant other how you look. You’ve put on a few pounds, but telling you so would shatter your confidence for the evening.

Your significant other says, “You look great!”

Would you really want him or her to say “You look fat?”

The goal of the evening is to enjoy each other’s company. The truth will minimize enjoyment and likely start a conflict.

If you can make a logical assumption that the other person will benefit from you not telling the truth is it okay to lie?

If not, consider telling the truth.

Sometimes it is difficult to tell when it is okay to lie, other times it is or should be, obvious.

Just because something isn’t a lie does not mean that it isn’t deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.”― Criss Jami

We’re not talking about times when people are deliberately deceptive due to being compulsive liars, mental conditions, or otherwise being manipulative.

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics — Benjamin Disraeli

Which kind of lie are you telling and what does it say about you as a person?

Is it time to make adjustments for a better you and a better life; if so how?