How to Know If the Person You’re with Is the One

Sometimes the signs are subtle.

I always believed I’d find The One at a coffee shop. Our eyes would lock the moment I looked up from the book I was reading; he’d smile in a way that would make my heartbeat quicken, yet I’d remain cool and collected.

In reality, it happened sort of like that — but not really. We met on Instagram, and I lived in a different state. We met in person at a Starbucks, and I wasn’t cool and collected. I managed to trip over my own flip-flop not once but twice.

I knew he was it was for me early on in our relationship. Maybe it had to do with how much I prayed for the right man to come into my life; maybe it was pure luck. Whatever it was, the experience with my partner helped me identify some of the signs of what it looks like when you meet the person you’re meant to be with.

My single girlfriends ask about our relationship frequently, and there are sweet moments we often share that make me wonder if other people experience this type of love and affection. I hope they do because love isn’t something you should ever have to settle for.

I’ve written about the signs to look out for when the person you’re with isn’t The One, but talking about the aspects in a partner that can help you identify whether or not you’re with the right person is beneficial too.

With that being said, here are a few signs that showed me that my partner was The One, and maybe it’ll give you something to look out for in your current or future relationships.

Ordinary moments feel special.

This is huge — because life isn’t always exciting. Monday rolls around, and you have to do a crapload of work that’s dull. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do; sometimes, you go to bed feeling like you didn’t do a single thing that served a bigger purpose other than yourself.

Mundane activities become a little sweeter with the right person by your side.

Grocery shopping feels a little bit more fun because you’re thinking about ways to nourish both of your bodies. Taking a walk that would otherwise feel extremely normal feels more fun because you’re doing it with your best friend.

You see the world move around you together. They point out the colors in the sky that evening; they remind you of something silly you said the other day. They make you feel less alone in a world with over 7 billion people.

Watching TV doesn’t feel repetitive, especially when both of you have different tastes in movies. For instance, I love old movies and comedies, my partner prefers documentaries, and whenever I relinquish my remote control power, I’m always impressed by whatever he puts on. I feel like I get something out of it.

Be with somebody who makes you feel good during the simple moments of life. Not somebody who is constantly chasing excitement and highs.

You can see the two of you doing life together.

I’ve always loved the phrase, doing life together.

You can stay with someone forever but doing life means something more. You’re exploring the world with one another, seeing things you haven’t yet seen before. You’re trying different types of foods, cuisines, learning what makes things taste the way they do.

You’re moving your body differently. You’re in sync. Your partner likes snowboarding, and you’re more of a beach person, but you’re willing to try it out to make them happy.

You might not know exactly what the future holds, a white picket fence with a house or an apartment overlooking the city, but you can see the two of you making these types of decisions together. You can picture the kids you’ll have and how the both of you will raise them into kind and intelligent human beings.

Maybe you don’t want kids, and your partner feels the same way. It doesn’t stop you from living the life you’re building together and all of the adventures you can see the two of you going on.

For me, this was important. I remember lying in bed asking myself these questions. What would our life look like together? I didn’t see any concrete pictures. I didn’t know what the future held, but what I did see was color. Vibrancy. Art. I saw us traveling, or grocery shopping, going to the movies, having dinner, and talking about the days’ events.

Relationship expert Dr. Chloe Carmichael says:

“I believe that people evolve, and their goals and visions for their future sometimes change, which can cause some couples to grow apart. But when you’re with The One, you’re able to picture the day-to-day in pretty similar terms.”

You feel at peace in your mind, body, and soul.

When some people fall in love, it’s chaotic. Soul-wrenching. Your heart feels like it’s going 100 mph when they walk into the room. You don’t see anything but them.

You give up your friends; you miss out on family parties; people say you’ve become one of those couples, the kind that doesn’t have a life outside of their partner anymore.

Then, that fades, and you might fall into a steady harmony with one another, and you go back to your friends, and you fight like normal couples, and sometimes you have dinner together other times you don’t.

The honeymoon phase has faded, leaving you feeling a bit empty. It’s like when you have an energy drink, you feel good initially, but that crash makes you feel like crap.

I knew my partner was The One because I didn’t feel any of those things. Instead, I felt peaceful. A calm washed over me and has laid itself in me over the last three years.

When you feel this way, you know your partner won’t hurt you. You make them happy. They make you happy. You know what you have is a powerful human connection that worldly things can’t break. You’re compatible in more ways than one.

When you’re with someone who complements you and is compatible with all your flaws and imperfections, you feel like the puzzle pieces fit smoothly into one another. You don’t have to try so hard to make it work; it feels effortless.

You feel like it’s the two of you against the world.

Everybody wants someone in their corner. You want someone to make you feel safe and understood.

When you’re single, you go out looking for someone to give you attention. You bring them home, hoping this might be something. You dress up for them on dates hoping they’ll notice the effort you put into your hair and makeup.

You have friends, you spend time with them, vent to them, but deep down, you want someone who makes you feel understood and adored.

When I entered my relationship, I struggled a lot in this area because I’ve always felt very alone in life. When I was younger, and my mom and I would argue, she would ask me why I acted like she was against me; in reality, I simply felt like I didn’t have anybody in my corner.

My partner diminished that feeling for me over time, giving me the space I needed to heal from my wounds but always being there for me when I needed him to be.

You feel inspired to do and be better.

I’ve been an avid gym-goer for a few years now, I train to the best of my ability, and I pride myself in knowing I’m not the type of person to skip a workout or short my reps. If I know I need to do 10, I’m doing 10 — not 8, not 9 — but 10.

However, when my partner trains me, he pushes me to do 12 reps. Sometimes 15, and you know what? I do them. Without fail, and I always surprise myself at how much I’m truly capable of when I have someone rooting for me in my corner, inspiring me to do and be better.

Here’s the thing, in life, you push yourself to be the best possible version of yourself, but sometimes you meet someone who sees this whole other side of you that you haven’t yet met. Where you see weaknesses, they see strengths.

The One inspires you to do better and be better. They don’t force you to change, and neither do you. They simply see parts of yourself that you’ve been blinded to.

These are just a few of the many subtle signs you can look out for when you’re getting serious with your partner. Everybody looks for different qualities and different traits in an individual but it should always boil down to the most important aspects.

Do they respect you? Do they make you feel fulfilled? Do they inspire you? Do they bring peace into your life or more chaos? If you’ve answered yes to those questions, you might have found someone who might just be the right fit.